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I feel like I hate my abuser. Should I feel this angry?

19 Answers
Last Updated: 07/20/2020 at 7:22pm
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Top Rated Answers
- Expert in Domestic Violence
November 5th, 2014 6:04pm
Hey there, first of all I'm very sorry you've been abused, I know it's something that's very difficult to live with and hopefully work through. Secondly, you have every right to feel any emotion that you may be feeling. Abuse is different for everyone.. what happens to everyone is different, the relationship to the abuser, and how you're going to feel afterwards/during is different as well - and that /doesn't/ make any of it wrong! For example, I was abused three years ago and then by someone else two years ago.. each one I responded to very different (even though I am the same person).. the first one I wasn't angry in the slightest, and didn't feel I needed to be.. the second abuse I was very angry after, to the point of being dangerous to those around me.. and that's okay too, as long as you work though your anger with others in healthy ways and I highly suggest talking to a professional if you have the option. So in short, feeling like you hate your abuser is just fine, and being angry is fine as well.. it's how you are protecting yourself and what your body needs to feel for you to know you've been hurt badly. I know it can hurt and you may be feeling guilty or like you're "overreacting" with anger - but honestly anger can be a very good emotion. It all depends on how and who you direct your anger at.. Here's a few very good websites for abuse survivors and some anger management tips: Sexual Abuse: Physical Abuse: Emotional/Mental Abuse: Anger Management: All the best and I'll be thinking of you, Come chat if you ever wish, I'll respond ASAP if I'm not online :) -LouisaCT
- Expert in Domestic Violence
December 30th, 2014 5:56am
This person has done something really horrible to you so I can see why you would hate him. I hated my abuser for a long time so you are not alone
January 11th, 2016 11:51am
Dont question your feelings on someone who harmed you! Its a good sign that you still have enough power to see that the person who did this to you is weong and not you!
July 25th, 2016 1:40am
It's completely normal to feel anger toward someone who has hurt you, especially in such a deep way. Remember that emotions themselves are not wrong, it's how you handle them.
November 5th, 2014 6:07pm
If you're being abused, then please get help. Please don't let this happen to you anymore. You should feel angry, hurt, alone, you should feel all this. Talk to someone, get the help you deserve.
May 15th, 2015 6:09am
It's not about "should you" but "can you." Yes, you can feel angry but do you think it's a good way to handle the situation? Perhaps feeling angry would be replaced better by pity. Pity your abuser because they are having difficulty expressing their feelings of hurt and remember not to allow yourself to become abused because that isn't helping you or your abuser in any way, even if you pity them. Either seek help from someone to help them or help them yourself, if you can, and it will help you as well.
November 7th, 2014 10:52pm
You are entitled to any feeling you feel! You don't have to question anything you feel after a traumatic experience.
December 24th, 2014 8:27pm
Of course! It means you are healthy. When you are not healthy, you will repress the anger or dissociate. Now the question is, how will you express the anger?
December 30th, 2015 12:01pm
Firstly, I want to say I am very sorry you have been abused and I know that it is hard to live with. Secondly, absolutely, you can feel this way because it is really hard for you and you just feel angry because of that.
December 29th, 2015 2:47am
It's natural to feel anger, hate and even rage toward your abuser. But eventually you'll have to forgive them if you want to heal.
July 20th, 2020 7:22pm
I understand how and why you may hate your abuser. I have, to a degree, been in your shoes, and I know how it feels. You have every right to hold any amount of animosity towards this person - anyone in your shoes would feel the same way. You may or my not hate them, it's up to you to decide whether or not you do. We at 7 Cups cannot tell you whether or not you should or shouldn't feel a certain way; anger is a very common emotion that a lot of people may feel towards abusers, as well as hatred, wanting revenge and pain. It is perfectly alright if you feel any of these emotions - they are totally normal and you are fine to feel them.
October 31st, 2014 4:09am
There is nothing wrong with how you feel - especially if you are abused. What matters is how you react to your feelings. If you feel like you want to harm another person - even if they have done harm to you - please seek help from a professional.
November 4th, 2014 12:36am
You have every right to be angry, but more so, you should be concerned for your safety. Tell an adult you trust, or seek professional guidance. Once you recognize you are in an abusive situation, get out immediately. Talk to someone you trust to figure out what steps you can take to make that happen and be free of your abuser.
November 17th, 2014 12:12pm
I believe more than the abuser you angry with yourself. Anger would only come if there would be any expectation. If the one who abused you is someone from whom you never expected any such thing then definitely your anger is justified but that person is someone whom you never knew then its more likely that you are with yourself thinking that " How could I let this happen to me?". I believe its very normal to have this kind of anger because its about your dignity, about your self esteem. Its a harm to the person you look in to the mirror every day. You need to start telling yourself that you'll never ever let this happen to yourself again n try to figure what all you can do to stop it or avoid it. Stay strong as the weaker you get the more prone you get to such things. Look people in their eyes and stand strong.
December 19th, 2014 10:28am
It is reasonable to be angry when someone has broken your trust and treated you unfairly. No one deserves to be abused. You have every right to be angry for what someone has done to you.
- Expert in Domestic Violence
May 3rd, 2015 5:31am
There's no should's with emotion. You feel the way you feel, what you feel is valid. You have the right to feel as you do. It's very natural for us to feel angry, even explosively angry when we have been abused. This is how the body responds emotionally when hurt.
May 7th, 2015 11:33am
Of course. It's perfectly normal to feel hatred toward your abuser! Try therapy, it may help you feel better.
August 11th, 2015 10:54pm
Sometimes, it it an emotion we all feel, that person hurt you, I believe that it is a healthy anger because they had no right to violate your privacy.
April 16th, 2015 12:14am
Angry for what was done, yes, and it is normal but make sure that this anger doesn't turn into hate. Hate is a silent poison and can cause you to go through emotions that you never knew existed.