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I grew up in a traumatic home, but my siblings disagrees with me about what happened. Who is right?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 05/19/2020 at 1:38am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology

Drug & Alcohol Counselor

Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel

Top Rated Answers
September 11th, 2014 5:40am
Its never important whether who is right or wrong about their experience in the matter. No one is 100% right or 100% wrong, but everyone's perspective is valuable and should be treated that way. There must be a respect for everyone's experience, because it was real to them. The best way to respond is with a heart of understanding, not judgment.
November 1st, 2014 12:43pm
Sadly, in some situations, you can both be right. What happened to you as a youngster might have been hidden from your sibling so they were unaware of what was happening. It's not an easy situation to overcome, as sometimes the other sibling simply refuses to believe anything bad was happening purely because they were shielded from it, which in turn makes you feel isolated. Sitting down with your sibling and talking about what happened may help bring closure to the situation, or at least bring you closer together. Sometimes it's best to do this in a professional environment, so that if things get heated you have a neutral person there to help calm things down. I hope this has been of some help to you and I wish you all the best.
March 21st, 2015 10:10pm
You are right. If you feel that your experiences were traumatic, that is your choice. Everyone perceives situations differently and you have every right to say that you grew up in a traumatic household if you believe it.
November 5th, 2014 6:40pm
In my experience, two people can remember the same event in very different ways. I don't think either person is wrong. They are just remembering events the way their brain processed the information. I try to keep that in mind when dealing with situations like yours. I have found it easier just to acknowledge the other persons memories as their reality and agree to disagree. Maybe your sibling would reciprocate the respect and you both could open a dialogue regarding your conflicting memories. I truly hope everything gets better.
November 19th, 2014 6:06pm
You may both have a version of events that is "right" to your own experience. Your sibling does not need to agree with your version of events 100% in order for your feelings about what happened to you to be valid.
September 13th, 2014 10:37pm
I also grew up in a not so happy home. I learned throughout life to cope with my emotions and talk it out with my siblings. I have 3 siblings, 2 sisters and 1 brother. We don't always agree on everything, but to relate, we always resolve arguments by talking it through and being mature about it.
October 22nd, 2014 4:16pm
Both of you, trauma is subjective, so if you feel like it was a traumatic time then to you it was but if your sibling disagrees then to them it wasn't.
November 10th, 2014 4:47am
From personal experience, I've learned that in some trauma cases, everyone affected creates their own version of what happened, which is typical in everyday life. We all have our own version of every story.
November 12th, 2014 9:33am
Well everyone experiance things in a different way and if you experianced it as a traumatic home then its ok. No ones wrong
November 12th, 2014 1:11pm
I wouldn't look on this as 'Who is right?'; but rather, acknowledge that different people have different situated knowledges and perspectives about situations. It may be better to agree to disagree and enjoy the relationship with your sibling, whilst working through your issues with any trauma with an objective professional.
November 16th, 2014 11:27am
Hello there. Even if you both had the same experience you and your siblings might understood it in different way. I believe if you love the person (in this case your parents) its hard to admit that they harmed you in any way. Both of you are right. The question is can you live with it?
November 18th, 2014 7:43pm
Only you know what you went through if they where also there then its good to lists as they. Mat see a different. View
November 19th, 2014 2:28am
It depends. Everyone has a different idea and view on what is traumatic and what isn't. I think what is most important is how you feel your home growing up was and how to take it from there.
March 14th, 2015 1:24am
Only you know the answer to that, everyone remembers differently and what may affect you more than others. Also, people can put things behind screens they may not be able to remember the same as you. I grew up in a traumatic home and my mother calls me a liar but I know what I remember and have gone through, but it can destroy families through an unwillingness to face the past
March 15th, 2015 3:41am
Everyone experiences things different your siblings may of had a different up bringing but its important to listen t each others experiences
November 3rd, 2015 9:51pm
It is not a matter of right or wrong. your sibling may have repressed the memory and so to them it didn't happen. that doesnt make you wrong or make your memory any less valid.
October 17th, 2016 3:16am
In a way, everyone is right, and everyone is wrong. Because you all saw and heard different things, because you were all different people, it really depends on who saw what at what time
February 10th, 2018 6:44am
Both. As some said before. Sometimes they may just have not come to accept their home was traumatic or effected them . Sometimes it different because of their gender, age, personality, health as child and even if you or siblings have a disability (Physical and/or Mental). However no matter why the differing perspective, your trauma is valid and you deserve to be treated with love and understanding.
December 3rd, 2019 5:05am
Trauma is subjective and we all experience it differently. Your siblings may have seen/felt things differently based on having a slightly different situation - not being there for specific events, or being different ages to you. Trauma also ties in with your personality type, and your own emotional needs may be/have been different to those of your siblings. No one is right or wrong in these situations, as feelings cannot be wrong. If you feel that your childhood had a negative affect on your life, it may be helpful to work through this with a therapist to understand it better and to process the feelings that you've carried with you since then.
May 19th, 2020 1:38am
Neither of you is wrong. You are both right because your individual experiences in that home are from two different perspectives. Case in point, I was molested and raped (sodomized) for years in my home growing up, but none of my siblings went through the trauma I did. Yet all three are suicidal and depressed based on all the other physical and mental abuse we suffered. I am sorry that we did go through that and I am sorry that we are learning now at our older ages that we all went through something traumatic. Did I have it worse? Not anymore than them in the sense that we all went through something evil. But my "worse" might be their best if someone else put in from their outside perspective. It is not anyone's place to denigrate your perspective as right or wrong. That is what makes it unique and so it is simply to say, that your allowed to have gone through trauma and your sibling may not have had that experience at all, even with the same people. We all do not always get equal treatment in life anyway.