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How do I leave a toxic relationship?

111 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2023 at 1:38am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD

Psychologist

I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
aeris156
October 12th, 2019 9:03pm
source: someone in my life who was in an abusive relationship. first, you need a game plan. do you live with them? if so, where will you go? do you have friends or relatives that you trust and who aren't connected with the person you're in this relationship with? can you talk to them? do you need to go to a shelter? do you have a bag filled with your necessary belongings if you need to leave quickly? if you have these details sorted out, go. engaging with the toxic person might make things worse. usually, communication is really important, but if you're in danger than this is an exception. once you're out, please seek professional help if you're able to. you have been through a lot, and having professional support can go a long way. best of luck
Anonymous
June 21st, 2017 9:48pm
Have a mantra, stop all contact and know your value. If someone isn't helping you grow as a person walk away.
scenicwindow
February 7th, 2018 10:09am
For starters, by realizing that you deserve better. Loving someone just isn’t enough if you aren’t receiving the same love in return. The time you waste on the wrong person prevents the right person from coming your way. Stop waiting for your partner to change. Change has to come from within; it can’t be forced. Only then do things have a chance of working themselves out. Consider this when nothing has changed despite many promises may times over. The third logical step would be to follow up the aforementioned by learning to let go, which may be the hardest step of all. It's never easy to, but you will have to, for there is no other recourse out of the toxicity. Accept that It will hurt. A lot. That pain would be the way to gain the changes needed to be brought about in your life, to move on. Take time off to recollect and regroup, if need be. Take things slow, baby steps at a time, to healing. It's all so worth it,in the end.
electricDreamer95
July 27th, 2016 4:36am
The only way to leave a toxic relationship is to cut off the toxic partner completely. It's difficult to do but well worth it. A relationship should add life to you, not suck the life out of you. Love is selfless and giving.
safeshoulder2CryOn
July 11th, 2020 4:26pm
For those of us in a relationship, we know that it can consume a vast amount of our mental and emotional energy and when it becomes toxic, it leaves us in immeasurable suffering.At this point we need to decide to drop this unhealthy relationship.In order to do so, you first need to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship and to find supportive friend, family member, or professional help to help them through the breakup process as well as support them during recovery.Next you need to bail out before you become intoxicated. You need to tune in to your inner intuition. Trust yourself to make the leap. You need to safeguard your own well-being.If something doesnt feel right it not meant to be.Let it go.
Shiba260
August 10th, 2017 9:24pm
Leaving a toxic relationship is difficult and a scary situation especially if your partner is abusive or controlling. First, you must come to terms their behavior is no way acceptable and it's not your fault they hurt you. The best thing to do is to have support from your family members or friends so they can be there when you break it off with the person so no harm can come to you, and if you live with the person then ask to stay at a family members/friends house and block the abuser's number and on all social media. If they keep harassing you afterwards you might want to file a restraining order.
gigantEars69
May 13th, 2017 12:09am
Quickly. Talk to friends and family that can offer support and that you trust. Is you have none of those then go to a support group, they exist for this. Know that it won't be easy and that's ok, you are there for a reason and you will experience loneliness after it's over. That's ok, you will grow. Then make a move. Leave or tell the person to leave if you live together. Let them know this is over and know that you owe no one an explanation. Explanation in toxicity is just not productive. Head high, make your end known and then stick to your resolve. Remind yourself it was toxic and find ways to be ok with lonely sometimes
Anonymous
January 1st, 2017 8:44am
Get help from family, friends, a therapist, or any kind of support system you can find and lean on them to make this hard transition of leaving a toxic relationship. It'll be very hard and the grieving process may blind you to the bad experiences you had with this person, but remind yourself in the moments when you miss them about the bad they brought to you. This will help you continue to move forward in moving on to finding someone better and healthier for you.
EspritDuKaren68
May 2nd, 2018 3:18pm
The best way to do it is really to just do it. You can always just leave a note saying you can no longer do this and leave peacefully without adding to the drama. How brave you are for considering to make this important step in seeing that you deserve better! Bravo!
Anonymous
September 15th, 2017 6:14pm
Just walk away and never look back. There are 627822829299291991 people in this world, you'll find the one who deserves you soon enough!
Anonymous
October 9th, 2017 8:47pm
Stay at a close friend or family members house. Block off all contact, do not tell them your whereabouts. Keep yourself safe and do not go back.
HeartyHeartfelt
April 13th, 2017 3:37pm
Make a checklist. Is it safe for me to leave? (Then, when or how can it be safe?) Will s/he allow me to leave? (If not, can I convince them? Is there a better time to?) On a scale of 1 to 10 how is my wellbeing? It helps to show yourself tangible information that you have to leave. Also, know if it's safe for you to leave. Make a strategy and please call domestic violence or relationship hotlines for help. Or, if you know anyone who is absolutely trustworthy, discuss a plan with them. Take care.
realmpr
March 15th, 2017 7:16pm
If you are aware you are in a toxic relationship you have already taken step one to leave it. Think about what you deserve, think if this person is bringing more harm than good, and make a decision, talk to this person and end things, don't go back or give this person a chance to hurt you again.
TetDaath1
February 12th, 2017 12:44pm
Just quit and never look back. It's great that you are aware it is a toxic relationship and if you want out, go on. Quit it. Save yourself and you'll thank yourself later.
PaleRose12
July 9th, 2016 8:02pm
When leaving be confident and explain why he/she is not good for you and say that this is the right thing to do right now.
Anonymous
September 30th, 2016 10:31pm
Its important to remember, in a relationship YOU matter equally. First step to leave a toxic relationship is to recognize it first. Second step is to stand up for yourself and your happiness.
Hayles0111
September 21st, 2016 10:03pm
To get out of a toxic relationship you need to be harsh with yourself. Admit that it's damaging you. You need to put yourself first. And remind yourself that it's for the good of your own future and the safety of yourself and others around you.
Nats1011
September 16th, 2016 2:03pm
Leaving a toxic relationship is a huge and a very relieving step in your life,you stand up and make yourself heard don't be overshadowed by all the strings attached,you're strong and i love you and you can do it!
moonriverwiderthanamile
September 17th, 2016 10:12pm
Okay. It is never easy to end a relationship, but first of all you have to be aware of how you're feeling. Do you feel happy? If the answer is no, you already know what you have to do. I know that he/she/them has changed and that you miss the good first honeymoon days while believing that they could come back any minute now, but you are the only person you'll have to always deal with even in your grave, so the minute you do something that doesn't give you happiness or satisfaction at any point you have to put yourself first and leave it. If possible, try to talk the situation with your partner because they not be even aware of what they're doing, and declare that you are leaving and never coming back. Then, walk straight forward and don't ever look back. Have a few days of disconnection, cut every contact you could have with that person.
LovableGeek16
July 20th, 2016 2:45am
It may hurt and you may cuss yourself but you have to grit your teeth and focus on what's best for your mental and physical health depending on the situation. Its hard and it's raw and painful but you have to do what's best for you.
mayodibari9
July 24th, 2016 4:22pm
The first step is realizing that you are in one and that your happiness and peace of mind comes first. Seek help if you have to but you really need to confront that person and talk to him/her.
bravesmiles101
July 24th, 2016 4:58pm
You start by gaining some distance from your partner/relationship and seeking out healthy friendships you have.
Redtiger01
September 8th, 2016 7:06pm
Be strong and trust that you're making the right decision because you are. Tell yourself that YOU are in control and you don't let anyone make your choices for you.
huggybuddy
January 31st, 2020 6:01pm
In my humble opinion there are three primary reasons for why an ex will avoid talking to you after a breakup. In short, they are as follows, They Don’t Think Being Friendly Is “Worth It” They Fear They Will Hurt Your Feelings They Want To Avoid Awkward Conversations Now, if you don’t know how I roll then you’re in for a treat. Generally I go above and beyond for my clients and that means I like to go really in-depth on my explanations. So, not only am I going to explain what I mean by all of the reasons above but I’m also going to dive deeper and tell you what you can do if you find yourself in this precarious position where you can’t get your exes attention.
AmberGlowFalls
December 14th, 2018 1:05pm
What's keeping you in that relationship? If it Is sense of guilt and worry for the other person, mind that if the relationship is toxic for you, it SURELY is for the other person also, so putting yourself first and leaving is the best thing to do for both, even if it doesn't seem so. As long as you have good intentions, you try to be gentle and to explane your reasons, you have nothing to feel guilty about or that you could have done differently. If what keeps you from leaving the relationship is fear of the other person, then be careful, try to get support, reach out to the resources you can find near the city/town you live in and be brave, you can make it :)
taz123
March 23rd, 2019 2:36am
First of all by realising that you are in one. Depending on the situation, it is important to understand the source of the toxicity. Once you have done that, it is important to express your feelings to the second person in the relationship. The manner in which anyone does so depends again on the nature of the toxicity in the relationship. For example if the nature of the relationship is toxic dependance, it is important to explain very calmly to the other person your feelings and to listen to theirs. Understanding any relationship, even one that can be categorised as toxic for one person might not be understood in the same manner by another. As emotions and differences are obviously found in every relationship, their nature and their appearance can not be explained without investigation.
bellarina74
March 25th, 2020 9:28am
Leaving any relationship is difficult, let alone a toxic relationship. Putting distance between yourself and your partner is a good start and slowly the level of communication can be reduced. By reducing the level of communication you are distancing yourself from the person and the relationship. Sometimes this is the only way some can break away from a toxic relationship as the toxicity keeps pulling you back and you end up going around in circles. Making the break is the hardest part. What follows is less challenging. The distance this causes is what is needed when breaking from a toxic relationship.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2020 2:18pm
People in toxic relationships need help from friends, family, and professionals to commit to change. There is no AA or NA for this. Changing is a process and not simply a decision. People often return to a toxic relationship, sometimes because it is familiar and therefore comfortable. They know no other persona except their shattered self. This is why fences and walls often surround women’s shelters. They are there to enable residents to feel safe and start to heal. Keep in mind that you may need to seek help multiple times or for an extensive period of time, and that is okay. People in toxic relationships need rehabilitation, a process that takes time. Find a supportive friend, family member, or professional to help you through the healing process.
LoneWolf1010
July 3rd, 2020 6:20pm
Fist part is over. That is labeling the relationship "toxic". That means you have realized what is going in in relationship and how good it is. It is something like.. "I want to quit eating ice cream". To quit you need a good reason so that the reason can make negative impression when you think of icecream. Well that is crude. Actual part is.. giving importance to self. Analysing.. how happy, satisfied and comfortable you are with and without that "toxic" relationship? Once you answer that question you will find your solution of how to quit. It depends much on your thoughts!!
laylac09
February 14th, 2019 12:53am
It can be very hard to leave a toxic relationship because of the history you have with that person. You first have to realize your self worth. Once you realize how much you are worth, you will never let anyone take advantage of you nor use you. You need the strength to leave. I suggest you just take a leap and break up with them quickly. Tell them all the things that they do that make you sad or feel angry. See if they are open to change, and if not, then leave them. Sometimes people are not aware of their destructive, toxic behaviors.