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How do I leave a toxic relationship?

111 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2023 at 1:38am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD

Psychologist

I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2020 10:09pm
Leaving a toxic relationship is always a difficult thing. Make sure you know to do it a safe time for you, have people that you trust standing buy who will make the journey easier for you. Always trust your gut, and listen to others. It is very easy to be blinded by love, that's why it's important to take others views into account. Be sure to seek help if you need it. Just know that if they make you second guess yourself, your safety or your happiness, they are not the right person, and this is not love. All in all, be safe.
jemimah22
November 18th, 2020 11:53am
First of all, it is important to recognise that if you are in a relationship with a toxic individual, it is not your fault. The conflicted emotions you feel about them, even though you know they are toxic and not the right person for you, are wholly understandable. You cannot blame yourself for how you feel - whether this is sad, angry, attached - this is not your fault. It is important in this situation to put yourself first, no matter what. Your feelings are valid, and important. Do whatever you need to do, whether that means severing ties completely with little communication, or having a sit-down extensive chat and calmly communicating what you need to do. This decision will depend upon your personal relationship and circumstances. Remember that you are not to blame and that you have a circle of people who will support you through this difficult time
comfortedmoonstars156
November 19th, 2020 2:06am
Leaving a toxic relationship is difficult and arduous. I'm super proud of you for wanting to and recognising that you deserve better! You're a star and I'm glad that you've decided to leave your toxic relationship. I think an important first step to take is to reach out to your loved ones and/or your support system. This journey is not one you should take alone. Lean on them and let them help you. After that, I encourage you to make a plan. Leaving a toxic relationship can be dangerous, and it's important to have a solid plan in place just in case. If you look up 'domestic violence safety plan' online, there are a few sites that can help you make your own or give you ideas to make your own. Finally, make sure to take care of yourself and treat yourself like the absolute star you are.
empatheticListener123
November 21st, 2020 10:27pm
Though families and relationships can feel impossibly tough at times, they were never meant to ruin. All relationships have their flaws and none of them come packaged with the permanent glow of sunlight and goodness and beautiful things. In any normal relationship there will be fights from time to time. Things will be said and done and forgiven, and occasionally rehashed at strategic moments. For the most part though, they will feel nurturing and life-giving to be in. At the very least, they won’t hurt.Toxic people thrive on control. Not the loving, healthy control that tries to keep everyone safe and happy – buckle your seatbelt, be kind, wear sunscreen – but the type that keeps people small and diminished.
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2020 2:07pm
From experience? You just leave. Block it; block all contact. The problem with a lot of toxic relationships is that you are unable to sever the attachment you have to the person and the relationship, and you need to in order to move on. Sometimes you don't get the closure you think you need, and that's ok. Space and time give you clarity. Staying in a toxic relationship is unhealthy, and from what I've learnt you cannot simply stay with a person because you love them - that applies to romantic and non romantic relationships. Love is not always enough to make something work and that's ok.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2021 4:09pm
It may be very hard, especially if you have been with that person for so long and you don't know anything else. But thinking about the outcome works best for myself. It might be a super hard time to go through, but going through the hard times is what gets you to the good/happy times. There would be no good times without the bad. Nobody deserves to be in a toxic relationship and sometimes when in one you could think you deserve it but thats far from true. If you start thinking for yourself and what you need in the future, the toxic relationship is not it
Anonymous
January 28th, 2021 7:06am
Leaving a toxic situation can be very difficult. You have already taken a great first step by recognizing that the situation you're in might be toxic for you. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but there are many options for paths to take to leave the situation. I was greatly helped by regular therapy during my exit from a toxic relationship, and talking to my friends and family often. I felt ashamed for even being in the toxic situation in the first place, and it was hard to struggle with feelings of shame on top of the extreme hurt I was already going through with the breakup. I turned the corner and started feeling like I could finally heal when I stopped blaming myself for the condition of the relationship, and stopped considering myself responsible for my partner's pain. My therapist at the time told me "you are never responsible for someone else's feelings." She wasn't telling me to be inconsiderate, but rather that it's never my job to watch over someone else's total well-being or mental health. This is just my experience, for you it may be completely different. In this time it's very normal to feel a lot of pain, and possibly guilt and shame, but you can and will get through this, and come out on the other side. You are strong, and you will know what to do when the time comes.
SirenSymphony21
February 15th, 2021 3:40am
In my opinion, the first thing that is to be done here is to talk to your partner about their toxic behaviour. If you have already done that, then it would be best to just let them know that you are leaving them. Be as open and honest as you can. It can be difficult but it is all worth it.
Kindasadlad
April 29th, 2021 7:37am
It is important to express your feelings to the person you are in a toxic relationship with, whether it's a friend, co-worker, family member, or significant other. This conversation often becomes heated and overtaken by emotion. If the other person has a short temper or is very emotional, it may be best to write out your feelings.Often after leaving someone, you begin to miss the person. That is normal. It's easy for our brain to remember the good times and forget the bad parts of a relationship. It can be tempting to want the person to be back in your life, but remember that you came to this decision after a long, thoughtful process. Stick to your decision and remember that it was made to better you and your life.
Anonymous
May 27th, 2021 6:50pm
Often times, people experience a hard time leaving a toxic relationship because that is the comfortable space for them or because they don't have the methods to do so. Keep in mind that in that situation, the only way to grow is to step out of your comfort zone. Remember that you can create another comfortable situation outside of this toxic relationship. Also, don't be hesitant to ask for help from people around you whether that is emotional support or even temporary financial support. Being around supportive friends or family members will help you feel that you are not alone.
unlovablelilian3
June 16th, 2021 5:42pm
Try to talk about with some friends/family/listener on 7 Cups! To make sure you're in a safe place to break up with this person safely. Then after that you should make sure you're in a good place were you are mentally okay with this as well. You should have a conversation were you don't sugar coat the breakup and you get your point on the line, make sure you explain why you feel this way and why its the time to end it. If your partner starts acting out you always have the option to call 911 or your family/friends.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2021 11:07am
Talking it out with your partner telling them the problems in the relationship and telling them you want to leave - if it is not physically toxic. If it is physically and emotionally toxic and you cannot get out physically, calling someone for help like your parents, friends, the police can help you to get out of the situation. Understand that whatever has happened to you in the relationship is not your fault and learn to forgive the other person so you can move on. A relationship especially a toxic one can be hard to leave but you need to understand what is best for you in the situation you are currently in and understanding that leaving would be the best option.
CatzInTheCradle
September 29th, 2021 2:05am
First of all, you have to commit to leaving inside your HEART. Your mind has nothing to do with anything. This is a matter for the heart. Even if you come up with a thousand rational reasons to leave the toxic relationship in your mind, as long as your heart still longs for them, you will cave every time. So look into your heart, and realize that you deserve better than this, that there is happiness out there waiting for you, and that every moment you hold on to a toxic mess, is one less moment you could be happy with something real, something genuine, something healthy, something good for you that actually improves you as a person, something that doesn't make you cry every night. Next, cut them out of your life completely. Delete their phone number, their social media, block their number, don't answer their calls. Be absolutely merciless about this. Don't think "What if..." or "Maybe...". NO. Stop. Delete delete delete block block block. This is for your own good. You need to do this. Just do it. Don't give them any chance to worm their way back into your heart, to offer excuses, to beg to plead, to manipulate, to convince you that they have changed. NO. Cut them out like a disease. Don't negotiate. They had their chance and they didn't value you then when it mattered. Next stay close to your friends. Fill your life with activity. Don't spend the next month fixating on how lonely and single you are. All that does is create vulnerable spaces in your heart that leads you to crawling back to them. Your discipline will fade. Leaving toxic relationships is hard, but staying out is even harder! You need to commit to it everyday. You need to remind yourself why you left in the first place, and why you need to stay away. It's for the best! Finally - Learn from the experience. Take these lessons with you into your next relationship and grow from it all.. ~ !
Anonymous
October 27th, 2021 2:48pm
It's not often easy but we can leave a toxic relationship by telling someone you can trust about it, by asking for help from local authorities and by speaking out. I've done that and it took me some years and it was difficult but I'm proud that I did it. Never let someone make you feel small or hurt you emotionally or physically. You deserve so much better. Reach out to someone who can help. You are able to do anything if you believe in yourself. Leave that relationship which brings you pain. Reach out to your local authorities and to friends and family you can rely on.
SimpleComplexityListens
November 18th, 2021 3:08pm
Ask yourself, why the behavior feels toxic to you. Analyze your responses. They will help you to create a sincere well thought out reason for breaking up. It will also help you fortify your own self worth. Tell them plainly and honestly, and tell them why you feel the Relationship isn't working from your point if view. Acknowledge that this is you, making the decision but a relationship always includes 2 or more people. Recognize the other person, and their feelings, too. Tell them that you are breaking it off. Avoid saying things you don't actually mean, it will help you not come off as patronizing. So ask yourself if you really mean the words you are saying. After this make a solid break in any way you feel is needed, that corresponds to local laws. The other person(s) in the relationship are people too.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2021 11:53am
I recommend gaining support from family and friends so they can assist you when trying to leave a toxic relationship. However you can leave a toxic relationship (if safe to do so) by using communication to communicate with the person how you are feeling. Sometimes people don't realize the harm they are doing unless you tell them. Always make sure you are safe and not in any form of danger. Make sure to surround yourself with positivity and stick to your decision. The first step is to recognize there is a problem, and then you take action to create a better life for yourself.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2021 9:31am
I wish there was an easy answer for this or steps to just follow to be able to leave the toxic relationship but there aren't any. You just need to make that decisions when you finally get fed up of being in a toxic relationship. Only you can build up the strength and acquire the courage to finally choose to set yourself free from the toxic relationship. However, you can try by being kind to yourself. It is not easy to get out of a toxic relationship. It takes a lot of guts. And remember that the longer you stay in the relationship the harder it will become to get out.
MrsJudgie006
December 12th, 2021 7:51am
If possible, talk about the issues with your partner, remind them how it's affecting the relationship. If things don't go well, think about your health and leave. Self esteem is important as well as trust. Low self esteem can bring insecurities and raise tension when a relationship turns toxic. Always think of your well being and value and not be with someone who is ruining it. Never let someone bring you down because of their own issues that they can't solve even if you tried to talk to them about it and find a way to fix the relationship. Find someone that actually cares and/or take a mental break.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2021 1:07am
I begin by recognizing that it will not be good for me to continue and then move toward breaking up gently and with honesty. I cannot stay in a relationship like this because it will not be good for me and my own mental health. I know that it will take strength to quit the relationship but I am better in the end because if the relationship continues it will only get worse. I need to be strong enough to end the relationship but also need to be strong enough not to go back. It will take time to heal, but in the end the healing is better than staying.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2022 2:27am
It can be pretty difficult. I guess take it one day at a time giving less and less communication and focusing more on things you enjoy and on yourself. There will be days when you will want the attention or to see if the connection will still work. You will fail sometimes, but all in all if you stay focused on moving forward it will happen eventually. You also could try to make new connections don't stay isolated. Make sure to spend time with family or close friends that can provide support and encouragement when you are feeling lonely or weak.
eredinbabygirl1
March 18th, 2023 1:38am
You tell them straight up what they've done wrong and see if they can do anything to rectify it. Be careful of empty promises, they are tricky and hard to tell apart from genuine promises. Give it some time and you will certainly find your answer. After that, it's leaving and never looking back. Maybe you'll be able to reconnect as friends but it's harder with a relationship, especially if that person continues to become toxic and ungovernable. Leaving a toxic relationship can be a really tough challenge, especially if you still have emotions for that person but if you stay, it will continue to fester and hurt you. The best thing sometimes is to let someone go.