I understand this mindset completely. I was unhappy with my body for a very long time. In fact, I still am a bit. But with this assumption I realized I was beginning to value appearance more than how a person is on the inside. I know it sounds very cliche, but even so, I've found I value OTHER people more on who they are than how they look, so why shouldn't I feel that way about myself? I started to force myself into a habit of forcing myself to only analyze the good things in myself, or at least only the things I perceived as good. This helped me to learn to love myself, and I slowly got over my anorexia.
Think about what you really want. Do you want to be ill or healthy? Do you want to enjoy food or avoid it? Do you want to avoid social settings or become the bubbly and great personality that you are? Do you want to live your life or just survive?
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December 11th, 2014 3:09am
You are strong enough to know that getting past this mindset is important so you have it in you to get through it.
Dear, I know what you're thinking. You think that it is impossible for you to stop thinking about the calories in the food you eat and that you can't get past how fat you look in the mirror. I know it's hard but you have to let go. You are not fat- you're beautiful . You may not want to recover but it will lead you to great personal and social loss. Just believe in yourself. I'm sure you can do it
Recovering is a process and like everything else(like alcoholics for example) you need to be willing to give it a try at least, otherwise it doesn't work. However, it is part of the process to be scared at first and to feel like divided: one part of you wants to recover(or at least considers it since it has seen all the consequences it has for you and the ones you love) and the other doesn't want to have anything to do with it. It is like an inner war, but at some point you learn to accept that part of you that is scared, denies it and which does not want to loose the "control"(even if it is not real) and benefits that anorexia seems to have... and by accepting yourself as a whole, by learning to forgive yourself and by just being present in every step, you get past that mindset. Just connecting to your inner being, which is not Anorexia or any other disease.
If you want to get past that mindset, that's a start to wanting to recover from it. Keep pushing yourself and you'll get it :)
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May 6th, 2015 12:26am
That's an incredibly difficult situation to be in. I think the first thing to ask yourself is, "Are you willing to be willing to change?" In other words, do you desire the desire to change? My guess is that some part of you does or else you wouldn't be asking how to get past this mindset. Congratulations, that's the first step! Simply being open to change is crucial in recovery. My next question would be, "What is one step you can take towards recovery today?" Once you discover what that is, take committed action for YOU. Take life moment to moment. When you feel like giving into ED, remember why you are fighting for recovery. Choose recovery even when you don't want it. And when you find yourself slipping back into ED patterns, know that NO ONE'S recovery is perfect. You are doing the best you can. Keep fighting the good fight, my friend!
It sounds like you do want to overcome these thoughts, but don't know how. Think about the reasons you don't want to recover, and try to find alternate (less harmful) paths toward those goals. Think about how your body makes you feel, and why. Once you've been honest with yourself and understand the reasons behind your feelings, you may be able to better focus on one problem at a time.
I've definitely felt a similar feeling before, and in my opinion the best thing is to get or stay in counselling and get as much support as you can from the people around you. Hopefully this will help massively until you do get in that mindset, which often comes with time and constant effort saying "I am good enough" forcing yourself to eat whenever you can manage to eat, allowing the people around you to support, love and compliment you and following a lot of self care blogs or instagrams or people. Be with positive people.
There is nothing easy about Anorexia. You may start keeping a journal of what you have eaten that very day and then look back on what you consumed and keep track of what you did in a positive way to give your body the very nutrition that it needs. You may even looking to counseling.