What does it feel like with an eating disorder?

this is based on my experience and isn't representative of everyone who has an eating disorder, since there are so many different kinds of eating disorders. when i was in the depths of mine, i hated myself. i cried over every calorie i ate, and i hated myself for eating a carrot. i felt incredibly greedy for even thinking that i felt hungry, and i felt hideous. it got to the point where i was no longer comfortable eating in front of other people. i only felt good when my stomach was empty, when i felt like i was actually in control. eating disorders are awful, and thankfully i'm in a better place now, but that's what my experience was like.

It feels like you want to stop and lose weight but can't seem to. You hate food but love it too. It gives you comfort sometimes in a case where no one seems to care about you. You end up hating yourself but can't seem to let go of food. Food disorders(in this case, much eating) can make you insecure about yourself. It makes you feel like everyone is looking at you and are judging you for being "ugly." Seeing fit make you fee bad about yourself but you don't know how to stop. Sometimes the choice to work out comes up but the motivation for it fades away after a while.