How can I change how my family feels about me? I'm treated like the black sheep.

105 Answers
Last Updated: 04/10/2018 at 8:36pm
How can I change how my family feels about me? I'm treated like the black sheep.
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United States
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Kim Hughes, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

It is my passion to help people through rough patches in life and those struggling with anxiety, depression, self-worth, and issues related to sexual orientation and identity.

Top Rated Answers
TeaWithAFriend
November 11th, 2014 12:02am
The short answer is that you can never change the way anyone feels about you unless they're willing to listen so that they can understand rather than judge. The problem is, most people only listen so that they can judge and advise you on how to live your life exactly as they do. So, after decades of trying to please my family and feeling like the black sheep, I realized I really didn't like them and wondered why I was bending over backwards for people who didn't like me either. Instead of focusing my time, energy and thoughts on them, I focused on the people in my life who were positive and who wanted to understand me, listen to me, and who had interesting and helpful information for me when we interacted. In other words, I made friends with people who liked me the way I was and who I found interesting and engaging while strictly limiting my time with family to the bare minimum required for social convention.
Lailah
November 18th, 2014 3:26pm
Why do you feel that way? You can discuss with them how they were treated when they were young try to find the roots where your the black sheep.... don't feel alone because it's not your fault ...is there favoritism
naturalForest32
April 21st, 2016 3:56am
first stop trying to change their attitude towards you. treat yourself with respect and dignity .concentrate on what you can do.if they assume and believe you as the a loser , then dont bother to change their attitude . family is suppose to be a support when some one fails .so just be happy and do some thing for your self
Charity0
November 2nd, 2014 2:52am
I've been the black sheep in my family most of my life too. It is difficult to change what others think of you even if you're related. What we all can do is change how we view ourselves. I try not to think too deeply about how I'm the "black sheep" all the time and just focus on spending a certain amount of time with my family and try to enjoy my own life with the people in my life who make me feel cherished.
elleslovesyou
March 2nd, 2016 1:42am
Hey, the first thing that you have to know is that no matter what, you need to learn to accept yourself first before anyone else can accept you for who you truly are. The second most important thing to keep in mind that sometimes, it might not just be you or because of you that your family treats you that way -- sometimes bigger issues are running deeper into the situation and you just happen to blended into that. Always try talking to someone first about it, whether it be a guidance counselor, teacher, a Listener here on 7cups (!!) or even someone in your family...especially if you're feeling like an outcast and not your best self. But the most important thing to remember is that other peoples opinions don't, and shouldn't ever, shape everything that makes up you. Your family may feel that way and you may feel down because of it, and if it gets to you always just find a residence for your feelings inside of you or inside someone you trust. There will always be people in this world who care about you, and unfortunately, family isn't always the most obvious one. Stay strong and remember that you're not alone if you ever need help or advice :)
Anonymous
April 27th, 2016 5:43am
Don't care about it. What others think of us is none of our business. Just enjoy your life to the fullest..
HerforU2580
October 23rd, 2014 1:21pm
being the black sheep must make you feel lonely you need to work above it by reassuring yourself to build your self esteem this will give you a better perspective and show your family you deserve respect
CoolMom
November 3rd, 2014 7:35am
Do whatever they want and they will love you more. Does that make sense? Of course not! They love you because you are you. Help them understand you more, through open communication, rather than changing yourself to someone you think they would approve of more.
luminousPainting36
February 17th, 2016 11:43am
you cant change how they feel you cant control their emotions but you can change how you FEEL about YOURSELF! embrace who you are if thats the black sheep or the white one at the end of the day being the black sheep can be super cool when you learn to work it regardless of how they feel because you live in your body + mind so how much you value yourself exceeds anyone elses value of you youre with them for a temporary time but you carry yourself wherever you go so learn to do you and love you !
Anonymous
March 18th, 2016 8:58am
Hey, I can relate to that! Sometimes you carry so much magic that the rest of your family can't understand...what to do?
ingridmarguerite
November 17th, 2014 3:20am
Try to talk to your family more about how you feel about the way they treat you. If they can begin to understand how you feel toward their behaviour, it can really help to get them to treat you better.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2015 10:28pm
try to start friendship with your family member don't look at your family like a just family & nothing more suppose your self & show them that you have great personality.
joyfulCandy52
February 18th, 2016 4:46am
As much as we want to change how people feel about us or treat us, we must remember that we can only control what and how we feel about and treat others.
Anonymous
February 18th, 2016 5:57pm
I have also felt like this before and it is a hard emotion to overcome. Maybe you're just hanging around with the wrong crowd?
Anonymous
March 3rd, 2016 2:44pm
Hey! I understand how that feels. I have been through the same thing. I always thought that I wasn't what my family wanted and that who I am wasn't acceptable. What made the situation significantly better was communication. I accepted that my family members are people too and I must give them the same acceptance I ask for myself. I realised that they are human too and I mustn't hold their mistakes against them. They had been judgemental in the past but talking to them and humanizing myself in their eyes helped a lot.
YourLacey
May 17th, 2015 4:19am
No matter what you do your family will have their own opinions. You should only change for you. Just make sure they know how you feel and things will all fall in to place ♥
Anonymous
July 28th, 2015 4:44pm
Talk to them! Express your emotions! At the end of the day, they're family and will try to understand, therefore will want you to be happy :)
Taimur1999
March 18th, 2016 1:10pm
You don't need to degrade yourself, you have potential and you can do it. Trust yourself and show what you are passionate about. Be it anything, show your worth and prove to them that anyone can do it.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2014 4:52am
You may sometimes feel as though this is the case, however your family may not be acting in such a way purposely. A lot is lost in translation, and I feel as though people tend to assume the worst in situations. I find it best to share my feelings with my family members in order to come to an understanding and fix the situation.
earthwalker3
May 15th, 2015 1:33pm
Have you spoken to them about how you're feeling? If not, address them calmly and don't be afraid to tell them exactly how you feel. Sometimes, we don't realise how our behaviour and speech affects another person as much as it does so it's important that they're aware of this. If so, it depends on how exactly they treat you. Are they being abusive? If so, then you can speak to a trusted adult, doctor, teacher, counsellor on what's going on. If you feel unsafe, you can alert childline or call an emergency number (varies depending on where you live) If they're just being mean, then there's isn't a lot you can do to make them change but you CAN change how you let it affect you. Laugh it off whenever they say something mean so they can see that what they say doesn't define you. Distract yourself with things that make you happy and feel better! :) You can message me if you'd like to discuss this further, I hope things get better! :)
Jordigives
February 19th, 2016 10:23pm
Taking in consideration of what means most to them, as well as yourself. So, that you don't end up hitting rock bottom yourself, if they don't like you for who you are.
Compassionateandcaring22
March 4th, 2016 12:28am
You can ask your family what they do not like about you and what they would like to change . After that try your best to keep them happy . Communication is the key . Try establishing a solid communication with your family
Prosperity
April 29th, 2016 9:50pm
You can let them know that you don't like or appreciate the way they treat you and the way they make you feel. Let them know that what they are doing truly hurts your feelings
ElizabethLovesYou
May 27th, 2016 8:00am
One thing you should definitely avoid doing is trying to change for the benefit of others. Stay true to yourself! The best thing to do is talk to your family about how you are feeling and explain you would like to see some change. Then, you can talk together about how you can work on this. You don't get to choose your family, but what you can do, is choose to make the best of it.
olimaar
October 26th, 2015 3:47pm
Try to talk to your closest family member first (or the most sensible) about how you feel. Try to explain that you are unhappy with how you are being treated.
blissfulVision89
February 13th, 2016 3:12am
Try talking to them about it and explain how you feel. Try to find out why threy treat you this way.
Fenixashes37
February 13th, 2016 11:54am
Personal experience, I'm a black sheep in my family. I'm the oldest and also the rebellious one. But over time, your family will love you for who you are. Be truthful and honest about yourself. If you are bad, you are bad and need to change your behavior. If you good, just keep that head above water and you'll be alright.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2016 5:06pm
Unfortunately, you can't change the way that anyone else feels about you. You can only change your own behaviors and reactions. Is there a reason that they think of you as the black sheep? Is there something you feel is keeping you from being closer to them? Are you interested in changing that to be more acceptable to them? It sounds like it is important to you that they see you as an integral part of the family - what are you willing to do to accomplish that?
Anonymous
March 5th, 2016 3:32am
Within your family, you should feel comfortable with telling them this is how you feel. I, myself, am also quite a bit different than my family members and was treated this way, but I found out that conversing with them and telling them that I felt like I was always singled out from our sports crazed family, let them see how I was feeling. Now, they make sure to ask me about school and even my personal interests in between who's playing basketball tonight and who's starting.
consideratePicture16
March 31st, 2016 1:51pm
Its just a perception your family loves you for the way you are..their love is unconditional and pure...