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How can I change how my family feels about me? I'm treated like the black sheep.

107 Answers
Last Updated: 10/20/2020 at 3:17am
How can I change how my family feels about me? I'm treated like the black sheep.
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Hello. I'm Catherine. I am a psychotherapist. It's my aim to help you beat your blues and to feel empowered.

Top Rated Answers
March 31st, 2016 7:09pm
Why do you feel you are treated like a black sheep? Have you assessed the situation completely? Are they doing/not doing it intentionally? If you do believe they are doing it intentionally, I am very sorry and wish to tell you that although I do not know you I assume you're wonderful. You're unique. You're you.
April 3rd, 2016 8:42am
It is important that you love and respect your family irrespective of what they think. Then try to communicate with them directly about how you are feeling.
April 7th, 2016 6:51am
Have a deep talk to the family about how you feel. Using "I feel ...." Let them know the struggles you are feeling inside and what they can do to help you.
April 8th, 2016 1:09am
Changing how your family feels about you can be tough and it can take a long amount of time. I often feel like I'm treated like the black sheep of my family, I think I've felt this way my whole life - but you need to remember that you as a person are important and unique, no matter what your family members or siblings think about you. They say you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. : ) Sometimes you won't be able to change family members minds, and that's okay, but you also don't have to see them or hang out with them that much. Family issues are normal and happen in every family. Hang in there and things will get easier for you. : )
April 8th, 2016 3:14am
Acceptance begins with accepting yourself. If you're confident and comfortable with who you are, others will follow.
April 17th, 2016 5:41am
Have you tried to talk to your family about how you feel? They may or may not realize how you feel..
April 17th, 2016 7:01pm
Just let them know that you've been feeling left out and been feeling like a loner. If they still don't understand, try giving them examples and tell them that you would like to be more involved
April 21st, 2016 1:16pm
You are special just how you are. You can talk how you feel about it, or get attention with doing something special, like being really good in a sport or something like that.
April 22nd, 2016 5:41pm
It's very hard to do this, but at the end of the day you are you and the more you succeed and do amazing with your life, the more they will see your worth it.
April 27th, 2016 11:49am
Talk to the member of the family you're closest with, preferably a parent. Explain how you're feeling and try to give an example of how you were treated like the black sheep. This will help them see things from your point of view. If you haven't told them about it, they may have no idea that you've been feeling so bad.
April 29th, 2016 11:13am
You cant really change their feelings towards you. But you can change how you feel about them treating you like a black sheep. You know who you are. Assessing your self worth correctly is the most important thing!
May 6th, 2016 5:43pm
I'm in a big family, and I hardly ever get listened to, but you just have to remember that not all families are conventional and the same. For instance, sometimes people in a family express their love and appreciation for one another in abstract ways. My grandmother would show me she cares for me by giving me constructive criticism, which at times makes me feel like I can never do anything right. But when I stopped and thought, what is she trying to do, I realised she was trying to help me become a better person. Me and my mum don't hug or say I love you, we do each other favours, and be helpful in [practical ways to express our love. The chances are that you need to step back, and try to see how your family might actually be showing you affection. If you still don't feel satisfied, you should speak to individual family members, in a calm manner, so that your emotions are out there.
May 7th, 2016 7:46pm
Well, Talk it out. Or make them realize how youre a key member of the family too, Some achievements.
May 11th, 2016 9:00pm
Maybe trying to be like the way they want would help yo dear, do you think so? The otherwise would be to strive hard facing these odds and finally achieve something and show them, but by being humble and good to them all the time. What do you think is good for you?
May 15th, 2016 11:19pm
It's hard to feel that way. I'm sorry. One thing could be to check the facts and ask them directly. Sometimes our interpretations of others' behavior are not true. We mind-read and make assumptions. I think it can be helpful to accept that, no matter what, we cannot control how they feel about us. However, we can make positive changes that will make us feel better about ourselves. If we are more confident and true to ourselves, others might notice that and start to relate to us differently. It's also important to find people who make us feel good about ourselves and accept and support us. If our family cannot do this for us, well, we've got to look for people who will. Please take care and know that help is always available. There are always those who care and will be there for you.
May 18th, 2016 4:43am
Perhaps, talking to your family directly might help bring some clarity to your particular situation. You could explain to them how you feel. You might ask them if your perception regarding how they feel about you is accurate (it's possible that they may not even be aware they are making you feel this way, if you have not discussed it with them previously). If you have, and they have confirmed that your perception of their feelings toward you is accurate, you could ask them why they feel that way. At that point, you have a decision to make. It's possible that at least some of the reasons they feel this way about you may be things you could also want to change about yourself. But at the same time, you have to be true to yourself, and do what is right for you. In the end, you have to figure out whether it is more important to you to have your family's approval, or to live your life in the way you feel is right for you. It's up to you to weigh whether it would make you happier to have your family's approval, or to live your life in the way you feel is best and healthiest for you, even if that means you may have to have a less close relationship with your family.
May 20th, 2016 2:30pm
Talk with them if you haven't already. Show them you're worth a proud opinion. Most importantly, be who you are and if they don't approve then they will never understand unless they find it in themselves. You can't make them be proud of you for being who you are but you can show them that you're proud. Embrace who you are, no matter who is blind to your worth.
May 21st, 2016 1:14pm
Sometimes families forget that you are more than what they think of you. My family always expects me to act a certain way and I act that way because I know it's what their expecting. Sometimes all it takes to change their mind is to spend more time with them and talk with one another about different things. Let them know there is more than what they perceive of you.
May 22nd, 2016 10:09am
You can't change the views and thinking of others, you can only control the way it hurts you by ignoring their acts and prove yourself by your work and achievments
May 26th, 2016 7:59pm
Try telling your family that you feel like you are treated differently. They may not realize that you feel this way
June 2nd, 2016 9:55pm
Just remember that being the black sheep makes you the colorful one. You don't have to fit in with the standards of other people to mean something; As a matter of fact, being out of the herd usually makes you the extraordinary one that accomplishes so much more. Use the stress, fear and pain as ammunition to become something great. The best revenge you can have in life is to live well.
June 3rd, 2016 9:25pm
take them out to lunch and have a talk with them explaining how you feel and ask them what can you do to change that view of the way they look at you.
June 4th, 2016 10:43am
You're family can suggest much. Yet the answer can mean oh so little. A black sheep is a term much like a scapegoat but,not a comparison between two metaphors which are not that simple. One is a term used to describe something just plain different. The other a term used to describe a beast of burden sitting out a on a lonely hilltop which doesn't seem that efficient. A black sheep is not a scapegoat. You can change the way by noticing a difference. Nobodies trying to change the way that person is. They just want to tell that person how special they are by being discreet.
June 8th, 2016 2:07am
Tell them how you feel, and encourage them to do the same. Once you can all find common ground and understand each others' point of view, it will be easier to find a comfortable place in the relationship.
June 11th, 2016 7:35am
You're only treated how you allow yourself to be treated. Do you think you behave like a black sheep? If you think you behave like a black sheep perhaps it could be the reason you are treated like a black sheep. If you try and fit the modus operandi perhaps your family will change the way they feel about you.
June 15th, 2016 1:45pm
Changing feelings is not easy, but it is most effectively done with actions. I read somewhere that people remember how we make them feel the most; so try doing more things for your family that get an emotional reaction.
June 15th, 2016 4:30pm
Sounds like you are feeling like the outsider. In what types of experiences do you feel like the black sheep?
June 16th, 2016 6:58am
Unfortunately you can't change people's feelings. All you can do is be loving, kind, and be yourself
June 20th, 2016 6:15pm
Approach the topic to them in a mannered way yet; make sure each family member knows this is a serious topic. Let them reply after you, have an odderly discussion
June 25th, 2016 5:29pm
You can try to do activities with them that like to do, and then you can do an activity they like. Maybe you will be able to bond with them and see them differently like they see you differently. Sometimes people tend to judge people and you have to prove them wrong. You can talk with them and tell you how you feel, maybe they don't know your opinion and how much it affects you.