How can I create new relationships with my siblings now that we're adults?

28 Answers
Last Updated: 04/08/2019 at 11:56am
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Lauren Gerardi, PhD

Psychologist

I am a licensed clinical psychologist who works with individuals of all ages, including children, teens, and adults.

Top Rated Answers
dadacult
September 8th, 2015 6:31am
try soft approaching. if you were close during childhood it makes it easier. if not, it's almost like making a friend. adults also make friends.
Joeyxx
September 11th, 2014 10:05pm
You can create new relationships with your siblings by taking "sibling" vacations when you guys all have break days, you can keep in contact, have a dinner together.
colorvegas
October 12th, 2014 9:23am
I feel like i can try to talk to them more. I can also try and be more open and be more supporting of their choices. Also give them advice whenever they need it
RaleighC
October 23rd, 2014 1:57am
The best way to do this is to treat your sibling as though they are a new friend you are getting to know. Though you have a shared history, your sibling has certainly changed since he or she was young, just as you have! Spend time getting to know your sibling as the adult they are, and allow them to do the same with you.
Tatzilla
October 25th, 2014 12:09am
Baby steps. Show your interest by making an effort to spend more time doing awesome things with them. Do not overwhelm them, relationships come with trust and that is built over time.
PeterEngram
October 26th, 2014 1:34am
Find what new commons interests you have now that you're both adults. Age differences in pre-teen and teenage years can often create challenging relationships between siblings. Now that you're both out those crazy wonder years, your ability to share and connect will be much greater.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 3:13pm
Speak to your siblings and explain that you would like to create stronger sibling bonds with them, sit them down and speak about it
Charity0
November 2nd, 2014 2:40am
Whether good or bad, you have a lot of precious memories that you share with your sibling(s). Remember that this will always bond you as family so don't be scared about saying what's on your mind! If you feel a little shy, how about looking for a shared hobby like reading, watching films or sports? After my younger brother and I became adults we ended up hang out at his house or mine from time to time. We'd order in and watch films and that really made a difference to our relationship just by the time we'd put in sitting next to each other or eating together.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2014 11:17am
I would say it is best to start with the idea of buidling a friendship first. It will take the pressure of being ''siblings'' off your shoulders, you'll probably feel more relaxed about it and so will they once that intial pressure has been lifted. Work on that friendship and on creating that sibling bond together. Don't expect things to just fall into place straight away, understand that it will take time.
openmindkindheart
November 19th, 2014 6:12pm
Simple answer, just talk to them. I am one of six siblings with the majority of them being older. As a kid my relationship was not that strong with them, they were all out of the house starting their own lives. As I grew older and matured, our conversations went from meaningless to more in depth and relevant. Communication is the basis of all relationships, if you want to start a new relationship just start by talking with them and expressing genuine interest. You are siblings, there will always be a connection between you and them, it is just a matter of acknowledging and expanding that connection.
Anonymous
December 27th, 2014 11:03pm
It can be hard to do, with so much water under the bridge. Forgiveness goes a LONG way to wiping the slate clean--especially for stuff done as an immature kid. The cool thing about forgiveness is that it usually cuts both ways. If you forgive them, they will forgive you too. After you've done that, don't talk about the past with them anyone, unless it's something positive.
Anonymous
December 30th, 2014 6:52am
The things you and your siblings connected over as kids can often indicate what you'll connect over as adults. Given that you were (presumably) raised in the same household, there must be some similarities that you guys can bond over, whether it's a common hobby, or just similar views on the world.
HoneyStarling
April 2nd, 2015 12:55pm
The same way you would with other adults - unless there is some major, underlying negative history between you which needs to be sorted out or forgiven! Ask them round - invite them to dinner at your home or go out for coffee or meals - spend time with them, talk with them and listen to them. Invite them to be included in your world and to share in your interests. A great way to do this is if you're proficient become your siblings guide or teacher for the day. Changing up your 'family roles' is a great way to help break the sibling mould. Also beforehand, prepare some boundaries so that you can be firm in how you want to be treated now versus how you used to be treated when you guys were younger. And also be self aware about how you treat them so you don't inadvertently baby them or revert to your childish roles.
sidebyside66
May 2nd, 2015 5:23pm
You can possibly find things that interest the both of you or even go out on family dates such as dinner or go yo the movies. Sit down for a drink or whatever may interest you and just talk.
originalLion57
June 4th, 2015 7:31pm
Ask them to meet up with you at first, just for a few hours. Talk about interests, what you've experienced, what's going on inside your mind, get to know each other better if you've been apart for a while or haven't talked for some time. Get close by communicating and reaching out to one another.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2015 12:57am
you should try to maybe go out to dinner with them and their family. or if they dont have kids you could go out for a cup of coffee and catch up.
Brittneym101
October 14th, 2015 6:28pm
That's a good question actually. I have two sisters. We're all adults, but when it comes to having a relationship with each other, at times we act like children. I'm the middle child out of 3 girls and it's never easy at all. Sometimes I find myself saying that I would rather have a brother. I'm 20 the oldest is 26 and the youngest is 19. Although my sisters and I don't always get along I do love them. I would just say let your relationship with your siblings form naturally. It's never going to be perfect and when you have siblings they're always going to be some predicament that lies ahead. That's what siblings are for. Can you be friends with your sisters and brothers? Yes, sure, of course, but just like friendships you're bound to have some bumps on the road along the way, but it will all work out.
tammy0hopeisreal
October 14th, 2015 10:50pm
I am not sure about where you and your siblings stand, but I find that siblings most often, love each other no matter what because of blood relation--"Blood is thicker than water." Now that you guys are adults, perspectives and personalities have changed and you all matured over time. Maybe you could start off small--checking up on them, asking how they are doing, to go out for coffee, etc.
Greatlistener87
November 10th, 2015 2:41pm
Start some where. I always believe that the 1st step is the hardest, but once you have done it, the others will just flow along.
felixthecat
November 23rd, 2015 1:49pm
I would try to retell old stories and other funny memories from our childhood so that we can all have a good laugh/
tjb28
December 28th, 2015 11:00pm
Have you got any common interest that you can talk about so you have something that you both enjoy doing
Adam2342
February 8th, 2016 3:51am
Well It's not hard , After all you're all Siblings , You can invite them to your place at special events or holidays , Ex : Christmas , Thanks giving.. Or go to movies or do something fun , It's always easy with Siblings.
suddendownpour
July 25th, 2016 5:00am
Try to find an activity that the both of you enjoy. If that's tricky you can always try a new activity that the both of you can learn together!
EmmaJosephine
November 8th, 2016 4:58am
By being honest and open with them, and by treating them as if they are your friend. Regularly chatting with them, or acknowledging their experiences helps create a stable sibling-relationship.
1musicloverever
January 30th, 2017 9:50pm
Trying and growing up with siblings and wanting to keep a mutual friendship can be hard, I know right now since my sister moved out about three years ago there's been a little bit of some 'tension' between our friendship. Sometimes all you'll ever be with your siblings is blood or non-blood relatives. You can't have what people have in tv shows or movies where they're close with their siblings, some people can pull it off and others can't and just stay the way they are. I don't know how to really help let alone give much advice, but I don't think you'll have much to worry. They will always be there for you and help you out and just be your sibling no matter what.
ANEZKA013
October 16th, 2017 1:02pm
I would recommend, from my experience, meeting in intervals for an activity you both like i.e. holidays or drinks or camping etc. and discuss your lives. You can also try ping-pong conversation and staying in touch over platforms like facebook, whatsapp etc. :)
Anonymous
October 17th, 2017 2:30am
I do not feel you can create a "NEW" relationship with someone you have a previous relationship with. Rather, I feel it best to ask yourself how and why might I choose to change said pre-existing relationship. Being adults, perhaps there are topics that have gone previously undiscussed that may add value to the both of your lives if you both take the time as adults to converse about / address them.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2019 11:56am
Find common interests and talk about your aspirations now that you are both adults and everything will fall into place, but also try not to loose the fun side you had when you we’re younger, your concern suggests that you had a great bond and that’s what you are afraid to loose, trace back to when you first noticed the strength of the bond and draw from that and carry that over into your adult life and you will see that just because you have matured as individuals the bond you have will always be from when you were children!