Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I make my family understand that I'm not seeking attention and just trying to get the help I need?

165 Answers
Last Updated: 03/17/2022 at 10:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
sallysalad1233
December 30th, 2020 1:04am
Let them know directly. Sometimes family do not understand that you may need help so let them know by saying something like this " I understand that this may be something that is something you might not expect but I need help with -------". Your family probably has no clue that you need help which makes them perceive it as that you need attention. The best way to make them understand that you need help instead of attention is to let them know directly that you need help. Really express all your emotions and don't be afraid to. Thank you for reaching out and if you have any other additional questions, leave it to the 7 cups community. We are here for you always
Anonymous
January 6th, 2021 2:54pm
You could tell them how you feel about what's going on Or you could inform them that many people feel the way you do and that you're not trying to seek attention, you're trying to seek help. You could also show them some informative websites about your situation so they can get a better understanding of what you're going through and also so that they know how to help you or find help for you. There are so many ways to find the help without them as well... So if it doesn't go to plan, there are always online support chats, like us (7 cups)
Anonymous
February 18th, 2021 3:21am
Explain to your family that your feelings are entirely valid and not simply attention-seeking behaviours. Explain how you feel and ask them to consider how they might feel if they were in your situation, and how they might feel if they were not being listened to. It can be difficult at times for family members to understand certain feelings they might not have experienced in their lives before. Reminding them that resources are essential sources of help for people dealing with many different types of problems is critical. They may simply not understand your feelings because they are not familiar with them themselves.
brilliantSea7821
March 18th, 2021 7:41pm
You could write them a letter, sometimes it helps because you can think about what you are going to say, and how to say it etc. You can tell them you are talking to them that way because you trust them, not because you want to bother them or to seeking attention
Steve847
March 26th, 2021 4:41pm
I can really hear there is a worry about miscommunication and misunderstanding between yourself and your family. As difficult as it is you may want to reflect on talking openly about the problem you are facing. How do you feel about talking openly in general? Where do you stand on that? Fear of judgment can make us look egoistic if we withhold our true feelings from others to the point that it comes between our relationships as well as our mental well-being. We want our close ones to understand us but we are not naturally willing to show that we are vulnerable and imperfect. Asking for help is no weakness but a sign that you are willing to accept what you’re coming through and understand that with this comes a lot of reflection. What stops some people is the worry of being seen in a negative light after they do share. Think of ways in which you do express yourself communication wise. Is it through letter? Is it through message? Is it through phone call? What's important is where this fear of seeking attention is coming from? Was there a time you felt you misunderstood someone and they cleared that misunderstanding for you and if so how did you feel? How you approach them is up to you and careful consideration is something that will take you far. You are welcome to communicate with one of our listeners or therapists on our site for a listening ear. Many thanks for reaching out!
Anonymous
March 27th, 2021 10:46pm
It can be hard, especially since mental health can still be hard to talk about to family members, however slowly opening up about how you are feeling and being consistent with open communication can increase their understanding. I too struggled with this, and it took some time before I felt like a family member understood, taking the first steps to showing them your struggles is the hardest part. Soon it will become much easier, they may never fully understand how are feeling but eventually they will see that you are not attention seeking and are simply trying to get better and do what is best for your well-being. Remember to always be kind to yourself even if things don't go the way you expected it to be.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2021 5:02am
Reactive Strategies Ignore attention-seeking behaviors. Providing the least amount of attention possible avoids feeding into or maintaining the problem behavior. Have an alternative consequence, but be consistent. ... Give positive attention to someone else. ... Remember, giving a reprimand is still giving attention. Self-esteem When some people believe that they're being overlooked, bringing back the lost attention is may feel like the only way to restore their balance. The attention that they get from this behavior may help provide them with the feeling of reassurance that they are worthy. If someone you love is exhibiting excessive or troubling attention-seeking behavior, talk to them about what they are experiencing. Speak from a place of love, without judgment or anger, to invite open and honest communication
Anonymous
April 11th, 2021 6:53pm
Sit them down and make them listen to you. Give them all the facts, or ask them what you need to do to make them believe you actually need help. Open up your heart to them and have them acknowledge everything you are feeling at that specific moment. My suggestion would to continue to be consistent and persistent about it until hopefully they finally listen to you. Hopefully at some point they will realize that you aren't "attention-seeking". If after a certain amount of time they don't realize you need the help, the best option will be to find the help your own because you only need yourself. You are the one who chooses to get better and get the treatment.
Anonymous
September 9th, 2021 11:52pm
This hits home. I have been in the same place as you and what I found to be the most effective way was to make them aware of what you're going through, and how it's normal to seek help and advice. Just educating goes a long way. If that doesn't work out, in case you belong to a particularly conservative family, you can always seek a mental health expert online for free or talk to one of the expert listeners here at 7 Cups. They are here for you all day, every day. Above everything else, do not let the thoughts of others prevent you from getting help.
biddybuddy123
September 10th, 2021 10:01am
If the family isn't seeking to understand you, rather seems to judge you, then I wouldn't try and invest my energy into conviencing them to understand something they obviously don't want to accept or at least, respect. I would foucs on creating, or if you already have, strengthing the realtionships with people that love and accept all of you. That includes the need to seek help. I would find help and other things that I know are good for me. I would thank my family for their opinions, but I don't need to accept them. It is your choice in the end.
WhiteRoses25
October 14th, 2021 7:32am
For your family to understand I suggest you write in a journal your ups and downs for a week or two weeks and work up the courage to use this as evidence when you begin to talk with them about your situation. Hopefully they will see that you are going through a hard time and will help you achieve your goals. Now if this doesn’t work you can just let them know that you honestly cannot bare to do this alone. When family who love you see you are going through distressful times they are more lenient with you and will pay attention.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2021 5:11am
Sometimes, our family members can have a difficult time accepting the struggles of their loved ones, because they do not fully understand the mental health implications that specific stressors can contribute to. Having calm and respectful conversations with family members can be very helpful. It is best to choose a neutral setting and ask to be heard without interruption for a brief time. Express that you love them, and want to be your best self in order to contribute to the family in an effective and positive way, while also participating in the act of self care. Mental health treatment is necessary, and just as important as physical health.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2022 3:34pm
If it's possible, you might want to tell them to bring you for a psychological evaluation. Official documents is one of the best proofs that you need help.
tayrosespaz
February 18th, 2022 5:29pm
Sometimes families don't understand what we might be going through. It's important to communicate with family members clearly, directly, and authentically. Try to calmly explain to them what is going on inside and why you feel like you need support outside of the family. No one knows your body and mind better than you do. Sometimes families get uncomfortable when we express that we aren't feeling okay, but just remind them that it is always okay to not be okay. Taking care of our mental health is extremely important in order to show up for ourselves, and also our loved ones. By getting yourself help, you are also helping those around you.
spicyvaish
March 17th, 2022 10:26am
I understand how challenging this must feel. I would suggest trying to talk to them calmly about your feelings and helping them understand why you need help. If that doesn't work out, maybe point them towards resources that can help them understand where you're coming from. If there is someone at your educational institute like a guidance counselor, you can try approaching them first and talking to them. If it goes well, you can have someone who can vouch for you and talk to your parents about it, that would be a great option as well. If nothing works, you can always try mental health support groups online or services like 7 cups to let out your frustrations.