How can I tell my mother in law to back off?
Last Updated: 02/17/2021 at 12:07pm
Graham Barrone, Adip ICHP, MCBT
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In my personal experience, I've found an email conversation/letter to be the best way to accomplish this. Start off by being compassionate and appreciative. Tell your mother in law all the things you are thankful for and all the times that you have been happy. I can understand that for some people this is hard. Not everyone is universally more positive than negative. But appreciating your mother in law is not to make her feel better (though, yes, it will), it is to get her mind open to accept your point of view. After you've shown that you can appreciate the efforts of your in-law, tell her in "I" sentences not "you" sentences what it is that you want. Don't say "You are too involved in my life" or "You are too controlling". Say "At this moment, I think I need a little more space to figure out my problems and my solutions. I appreciate your input, but I think I just need to figure this out by myself" or "I appreciate your input, however, I think this is one of those things I'm going to have to figure out by myself." Or even, "I really appreciate you being there for me and my family. We just need to spend some time alone to build the bonds you had in your family". It's tough to offer compliments to someone you feel antagonized by, but believe me, it facilitates in opening your mind to the positives in the situation as well as the person you're speaking to. Nothing is black and white. The more we appreciate the greys, the better we are at communicating and coming up with a solution.
Tell her that your marriage is between you and your partner not with her. Her influence is only harming the relationship not helping.
Just straight up tell her how you feel. Don't be afraid to express your natural emotions. She should understand, and if she doesn't just try your best to make it clear. You'll get the burden off your chest and hopefulky gain some relief.
In my experience, I will bring her to a shopping spree, listening to her blabbing all the time and not complaining about it. Then I will express my ideas of how we can get along by talking through our similar interests and how we can respect each other's presence.
Well, if she has done something wrong then I think you should not tell her anything tell someone else to tell her
If she acknowledges logical reasoning and you can convince her with your reasons, she will clear path. If that is not possible, let your significant other handle it.
I'm sure your mother in law has your best interests at heart, parents tend to do things we don't like out of love but we don't always believe that. If you need more independence then all you can do is talk to your mother in law. Tell her how you feel. Be open with her.
Tell her you thank her for caring and watching out but that you can handle things yourself. If shes always on top of you on things nicely tell her you got it but thanks for the help and reminding.
There are 2 ways to go about this. 1) Lay it down on her hard, she needs to know how you feel, you are important and your feelings, so just tell the truth and that you just want a bit of space. Or 2) Say it gently so she doesn't feel offended. Both of these in my opinion are good ideas, it could understand how frustrating it is to have someone always in your face!
It really depends on the situation and your age. I would mainly start by saying this is your life and you are old enough to know what you are doing and have been successful so far.
With respect - Remember she is the mother of your significant other. No matter how you feel, it is important to also remember how your partner feels. Have you spoken to them about the issue, how do they feel about it? Perhaps it is more appropriate for them to speak with the mother rather than you, or you could do it together on mutual grounds.
Respectfully, everyone has feelings and most of us always act out of the best of our intentions. So just tell her how you feel when she acts a certain way and try and show her how if she acted in a different way it would be better for your relationship.
That can definitely be a touchy scenario. To avoid confrontation, you could ask to speak with her privately and sit down with her. Gently let her know that whatever the situation at hand you're dealing with is between you and your wife/child/parent/friend/whomever, and that you'd appreciate it if she'd let you take care of it on your own. Just let her know that if you do in any case need her advice - you'd ask for it! This could give her the nice ego boost she needs after telling her to keep out of your business :)
Dealing with in laws is hard,especially when they're always butting in . Politely ask her to have a conversation with you Tell her that while you respect and understand her need to be involved with your partner's life,he/she is in a union. Explain that some issues are best discussed between your partner and yourself, and while you may appreciate her input, you would appreciate it if she let you guys discuss stuff by yourselves..Good luck!
Its always good if you can talk to your spouse about the situation first and make sure that your spouse understands how it makes you feel. If possible bring your spouse along when you are going to talk bout it with you mother in law and make sure your spouse understands how important this is to you.
The best way to effectively communicate with someone is to calmly express how their actions directly affect you and how they make you feel. Sharing emotions joins the gap between the situation and the anger or stress in the relationship.
Your husband should handle that. You shouldn't be put in that position. He needs to man up and talk to her himself
You Can sit down with her and try and have a Productive conversation where you explain that you would prefer if she not "helicopter" and try and do it in a respectful manner. You may feel like you can't talk to her, but expressing your thoughts are an essential part to you building your relationship with her. You have to approach her at an apprpriate time, where you both are in a relaxed setting and are not stressed or in a high-string mood. Afterwards, if you are able to approach her where she isn't in a stressed mood, try and explain to her your feelings and preferences. The key is to not get defensive and to remain calm.
Just let her know that you do not feel comfortable being there and try to get away. Ask a parent or a friend to assist you.
If my intentions are clear, I don't have to be scared to ask her to back off. After all she's my mother-in-law,a mother,she has to know what I feel
Trying to tell your mother in law to back off might seem scary but I know you can do it!! I would let her know that you would like to talk to her, one on one and let her know how much she means to you. Tell her that you need a little space during this time in your life, that it has nothing to do with her but someday's you need your space.
I understand that you have the best intentions and you love us very much. But please understand and respect that we want to live our lives as we want to. We love you very much.
Just speak to her privately and talk to her in a calm manner; don't speak to her in an abusive way and don't get physical.
You can request her politely. Fighting with grandmother violently will make the relation tough. Always try to maintain relation.
I'm afraid you can't. Not in any polite way that is. Just try to be respectful and tell her you need boundaries
This is about setting boundaries. We can tell mother-in-law that we are ok doing what we are doing and nicely request that she don't get involve in it. Sometimes, it'll take being firm and reinstating what you needed from your mother-in-law. It could start out as "I would like to..." or "I can handle it".
Simply, say it. But remember to respect her authority as an elderly and human being. Someday, she might be thankful to you for considering that.
You may need to talk to your mother-in-law with your significant other present and explain to your mother-in-law that while sometimes you value her opinion and life experiences the two of you have formed a relationship and the two of you need to make your decisions regarding your life and life choices. Be gentle but firm and explain that you would be glad to take her advice when you ask for it and at any other time she should ask before stepping in.
I certainly reccomend you don't use the words 'Back off.' Haha,but something like 'I respect your opinion and appreciate your input, but this is what has been decided,' or 'I feel like.......when you.....and I need you to......'
Just tell her politely on how you feel and talk to her one on one. Have her understand where your coming from
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