How can I tell my mother in law to back off?

I'd tell her how her behaviour is making you feel and ask her what she would do in that situation.

It's very sensitive to talk with her about some things you feel aren't right or are 'too much'. Maybe you can talk to your partner and they can have a talk with their mum. Either way, good luck :)

This is a very sensitive matter so be very clear that when you get this message on my experience i can not be sure that your going to be having the same outcome. Remember that you are married to the spouse and not he parents so be very clear when you feel and speak up about what it means for you to need the mother in law to be stepping out of the way and set a line with what you mean. Such as I repect you and i want to respectfully explain that i am not feeling that great when you are stepping into whatever you feel like( fill in the bank) and i hope you understand. I feel uncomfortable so it will be here that I will ave to draw a line. In the future after please notes that if anything's it comes up on this matter again I will not answer and you refused to talk about talk about whatever you were talking about backing off. Please understand that this isn't comfortable and I will not be able to do anything but ignore you if you bring this up and to ignore the boundary I have made on this on this issue.. also before you talk to the mother in law talk to you spouse and find out if you should write it on a paper instead of talking in person. Sometimes this must be a difficult thing to do but it has to be done because you are uncomfortable and your mother-in-law will get over it and if not that's not your problem you you have a right to stick speak up for yourself this person you married. I hope you and your mother-in-law well will soon be able to understand each other better and not hold a grudge over spilled milk. always stand by your words when something makes you uncomfortable it's not going to change and it was probably better that you were honest because you still say respectfully then you only can mean it when someone is aware did they have crossed a boundary and it may have never known for now that they do then you can find out what kind of relationship the mother-in-law and you are meant to have. very very sensitive subject for you this I hope for you the best of all time the best outcome

Tell her how much you care about her but she is making you feel (upset, hurt, etc) and it is affecting you. Also how you don't want to hurt her feelings but your health is most important and so is your marriage.

Show her that she is overstepping with an honest conversation and then gaining distance if she continues to be pushy

Talk to your husband about it because he should be the one to regulate that instead of you can it can be sensitive to do so with you relationship with your mother in law

Politely but firmly ask her to remember the boundaries that are present in all relationships. Explain the behaviour you find overbearing, and that you would like it to stop.

In-laws are sometimes hard to deal with. Have an honest, open conversation in a safe space with your mother in law. If it helps, you could have your s/o or other family or friends there with you as mediators or as support.

Thank you for all your support and help. I would like to apply all you have showed me and make some new techniques of my own.

Be polite and tell her the relationship isn't hers and to step back do be tamed by her be confident and strong bold

It is normal to have a mother in law who interferes, although that doesn't make it any easier. Good for you to try to figure this out. It depends on what type of relationship you have with her, but sometimes it takes a diplomatic and firm conversation about what you do and don't need from her. If it is very explosive, it might be best to let your spouse intervene to work through a peaceful negotiation.

So, I guess saying: “Back Off, Mother-in-Law!” is not an option. Things can be very stressful and exhausting, especially if your mother in law is not quite aware of what she is doing to you. Let’s look at other things you can do. Of course suggestions will depend on what sort of backing off we are talking about, whether it is about attempts at controlling your life, or constant criticism, or being there all the time. You may have already tried the following: 1/ a calm, compassionate approach to try to put across to her how her behaviour is affecting you (which I grant you requires pretty high zen levels, not always available after a long hard day’s work!). If that didn’t work, or is not yet the time to do, you can 2/ spend some time with a listener on 7 cups, to explore various options and get to understand maybe the underlying reasons, different scenarios, and basically to get a load off your chest with one of us. That may not bring immediate solutions, but it brings some relief, which is always a good thing. Meanwhile, as little emergency joker card, I can share with you something i did with a friend who, like me, had a particularly overbearing and formidable mother that caused us quite a bit of wanted misery: that friend and I secretly played what we called “mum-bingo”: when we were stressed about a get together with our respective mothers, we would try to think in advance of the hurtful or aggravating words that we were likely to be exposed to, or intrusions in our privacy, etc and if it did happen later, we’d mentally award ourselves “points” for predicting right: for example, we’d predict that we’d hear that our sisters were more successful than us. Then if we heard: “your sister got a new car, pity you are stuck that old one of yours ” (or equivalent), hop, that was 10 points. This way we got through difficult evenings much less affected by whatever was said or done. It sounds a bit silly, I know, but to end up secretly smiling after hearing something that would normally make you cry, that felt rather good, it gave me a bit of control over the situation. not something to do all the time of course, just a bit of relief, also a way to observe and see a situation in a different light, avoid extra stress and not say anything hurtful yourself. Do reach out to listeners here, if you feel things are getting really stressful for you and you can’t see a solution, if you aren’t doing it already. You may even get to a point where you fully understand why your mother in law does what she does, which will get you in a position where you can alter the situation for the better. Good luck!

Go up to her and tell her how you feel in a really honest way. Make sure you are not rude or agressive though.

Just be honest with her. Don't curse or say mean things but make her understand what you want from her.

In this circumstance, I will go ahead and assume that the mother-in-law is a representation of "overbearing expectations". When another person demonstrates unreasonable expectations from you, or who repeatedly delves into affairs that you feel are personal, They are both crossing your personal boundaries and also judging your lifestyle harshly. Your instinct to feel intruded upon, to feel judged poorly, and to feel the need to oppose or resist adimently are rooted in some very legitimate and rational responses. You can try to empathize and reach understanding, "Marideth, why do you insist on verbally putting me down in front of the kids? Do you think they won't understand how harmful that is?" Point out how their words and behavior has crossed reasonable boundaries, "You raised your own kids. Now I will raise mine. You can believe I'm wrong, but you can't swoop in and take over my life." And certainly speak to your spouse about how their mother's behavior effects you, "Robert, your mom is really judgemental. She puts me down around the kids and tries to swoop in and 'rescue' our children when I'm doing a great job of raising them. Can you talk to her for me?" Avoid the temptation to become confrontational. Reacting in an abusive, or harmful way may seem justified, but it only grinds down your own self-image and the image others have of you. Be empathic, but be strong. Be understanding, but set boundaries.

Maybe having a sit down expressing how you feel about her actions will either help resolve the reasons you want her to back off or show that you need more space. Remember that is still your partner's Mum, and although you feel she is intrusive, you cannot place him in the middle of your feelings towards her. Now if he has expressed similar feelings, it may be best they speak to her privately but in the same manner I described so she doesn't feel attacked. Otherwise you will both end up with more problems if she feels she is being attacked by one or both of you. Goodluck!

if she does something tell her to please leave me alone if that doesn't help threaten with calling the police you need to put a restraing order on them and that way she can't come and see you or touch you then you can caal the police if she does touch you will having the restrainting order a mother in law should not abuse or do anything to hurt you that is the law anywhere. if it persits then move somewhere esle move in with your anut somewhere far away form where she is becuase she won't know where you are at then

This can be a really tough one. What can be hardest about this is trying to understand your mother in law's point of view. Whether it feels like she is interfering with the way you raise your children or the way in which you decorate your home, it can feel like an invasion of your independence. For the moment, place yourself outside of your feelings of hurt. Become impartial and unbiased and ask yourself what may be going through your mother in law's mind at this time. Do you think she is worried? Has she lost some control? Perhaps, she is afraid that her son/daughter will no longer need the person that brought them into this world. These are really scary and tormenting thoughts and can cause people to act thoughtlessly or speak out of turn. Perhaps the next time you or her clash, ask her if everything is OK, tell her that you care about how she is, and say that you value her input, even if that might be the last thing you want to say. It might help her feel reassured.

In my personal experience, I've found an email conversation/letter to be the best way to accomplish this. Start off by being compassionate and appreciative. Tell your mother in law all the things you are thankful for and all the times that you have been happy. I can understand that for some people this is hard. Not everyone is universally more positive than negative. But appreciating your mother in law is not to make her feel better (though, yes, it will), it is to get her mind open to accept your point of view. After you've shown that you can appreciate the efforts of your in-law, tell her in "I" sentences not "you" sentences what it is that you want. Don't say "You are too involved in my life" or "You are too controlling". Say "At this moment, I think I need a little more space to figure out my problems and my solutions. I appreciate your input, but I think I just need to figure this out by myself" or "I appreciate your input, however, I think this is one of those things I'm going to have to figure out by myself." Or even, "I really appreciate you being there for me and my family. We just need to spend some time alone to build the bonds you had in your family". It's tough to offer compliments to someone you feel antagonized by, but believe me, it facilitates in opening your mind to the positives in the situation as well as the person you're speaking to. Nothing is black and white. The more we appreciate the greys, the better we are at communicating and coming up with a solution.

This is a difficult one. On the one hand you want to maintain a good, or at least cordial relationship with your mother in law, since she raised your spouse and provided him/her a childhood. On the other hand, I can understand how frustrating it becomes if you have a mother in law who for instance, gives unsolicited advice, appears jealous, is constantly critical, controlling, or, if you have children, hovering over your newborn/toddler/child in a way you may not like, among other things that may be perceived as unwelcome behaviour. When you want to tell your mother in law to "back off", it seems that you're trying to establish some healthy boundaries; perhaps letting her know what is acceptable, and what is not, in your home. A perspective I find helpful is to remember that a mother in law is likely dealing with issues, or insecurities, or past hurts herself - which may shed light to why she behaves the way she does. Sometimes she may even be angry at your spouse - but somehow the anger is transferred over to you. Her words, or actions, though aim at you like a target, may have nothing to do with you at all, but instead is her way to express her own pain. Or sometimes, I realise I am dealing with pain of my own, so that I perceive my mother in law's words or gestures more unkindly than they actually are. There are, of course, times when we really do need to tell a mother in law to "back off", especially when a line has been crossed, or when there's for instance, bullying. What I find effective, is to discuss with my spouse what's bothering me. He knows his mother best - and may offer insight into the way she behaves, or at least a history of the same behaviour. This helps me take it less personally. It's also helpful to get his empathy - so that he understands what behaviours of his mother are pushing my buttons. My spouse then acts as the liaison to discuss with his mother what behaviours of hers are unloving and unacceptable, and the reasons why. I find it's easier for my mother in law to hear from her own son. This has been an effective method that has helped us establish healthy boundaries with the mother in law. But of course, our relationship is far from perfect! We are working towards building a better and better relationship.

Well, I will be polite but quietly ensure that my personal space is not disturbed. Closing my room door and making it clear in a dignified but respectful way that I am busy and need to be left alone for some time to work is how I will go a out it. Ensuring that my husband understands and is supportive of me and can explain to her that I am as important to him, just as she is and will always be to him and he can be happy only if both of us keep to unwritten boundaries of common decency in our relations to each other. This can be done without any kind of emotional blackmail. I will first handle it myself with the lady and only let my husband get involved, if unable to go through with it or if she gets too agressive.

Try to ignore her, and if she confronts you tell her why you are. Don’t let her make you feel less worthy, as she’s not the one who should be deciding that. Also, try not to start any unnecessary drama that you will regret later on. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, and I hope that it all turns out well. If drama does happen then know that it’s not your fault of course. Distancing yourself would be the best option because it will give you time to think of what to say, and it will give you the space you need.

It all depends on the way you tell her to do so. A mother will always care for her daughter, so telling her you understand why she is pushy with both of you is a good start. Then, of course, it may not work, but always remember to see the situation her way before exposing yours! Someone who feels understood will tend to be more comprehensive in turn. Your common ground is the love you have for her daughter/your girlfriend. I don't really know what happened between your mother-in-law and yourself, but you can always get around some touchy details by being compassionate and respectful. Of course, if your mother-in-law is not as compassionate and respectful as yourself, you won't be able to do much, but what matters is how you behave, because that is the only thing you will be able to change at the end of the day. I hope it sounds logical to you and wish this situation changes so that you all have a happy life :)

Mother in laws can definitely be tough. It can be hard to keep the peace, but I find that a simple "I know we have our differences but we both love the same man/woman so let's just try to be civil. We have different opinions on things and that's perfectly okay but I still deserve to be respected and I appreciate my space!" It's always tricky to say this because you are worried about how it will turn out but if you just stay calm and focus on the fact that you love the same person I am sure that she will understand! Hope this helped and everything goes well :)

I think a thing to do is to talk to your partner, express how your feeling in a way that shows you care about their mom but tell them what you need, for example "I love your mom but I feel shes overstepping (then say how shes crossing boundaries " then I would explain in what way she needs to 'back off' that may be shes around to often, pry's into your private life or insults your family. If you want to talk to her yourself I wouldn't go behind your spouses back seeing as this could create conflict, but I hope all goes well!

These sort of things are best received when they are communicated in a non-accusatory way. You can start by gently letting your mother in law know that you have been feeling overwhelmed by her and that while she might mean well, you need some more space. Try not to use statements that are accusing her of something, as this can make her defensive. Use "I" statements and focus on how you've been feeling and what your needs are going forward. If there are any positive aspects of your relationship or things you appreciate about your mother in law, you can defuse potential defensiveness by highlighting these. An example would be "I know you just care a lot about your son/daughter and want the best for them and I really appreciate that about you, but I need some more space".

There should be a clear line of communication between you and your family members. The first step would be establishing this line of communication. Making your home a safe space to talk about issues such as boundaries. The next step would be establishing that there is an existing problem that needs to be addressed. One of the best things you can do is communicate the problem and discuss ways to get past it. Make sure that both sides of the story are in the air and properly listened to before addressing solutions, otherwise more problems may arise, making the situation more than it was initially.

Try to ask her to have a conversation with you, and discuss how she makes you feel. The two of you can work together to create a solution. If you use an aggressive approach, she may not be as open to working with you. Stay firm in your beliefs, but come in a calm manner. In your conversation, try to figure out why she is acting a certain way. Maybe there is more to her side of the story as well. If you are hoping to keep the relationship, she will be able to see that if you show her you are.

With an overbearing mother-in-law, sometimes the best way to smooth things over is to have a discussion with your spouse. If you both aren't on the same page, you may hurt your relationship with both of them. Alternatively, if you are both on the same page you are able to confide in each other when she is overbearing. It also will make you feel more sane, knowing that you aren't alone. Explaining to her how her actions are affecting you may ultimately lead to great discussion and an understanding of why she is acting the way she is. Sometimes she may not even know her actions are hurtful or destructive. Communication is key!

love this question. I have had to do this a few times lol. try being nice at first. I know its hard. but sit down and talk with her about how shes around to much. and that you would like space for you and your partner to grow. relationships are 2 people not 3. if that doesn't work you might have to be more blunt. this may upset her but over time she will get over it and realize you were right and that everyone needs there own space. mothers in law can really be a pain lol.