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How can I tell my parents I would like more independence?

23 Answers
Last Updated: 08/07/2017 at 8:12am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
DarinF
October 23rd, 2014 12:29pm
Aside from telling them that i would like more independence, i usually show them that i'm learning to be responsible for my actions so they would trust me to do my own things. I think gaining their trust is the most important thing in getting independence.
Alwaysreadytohelp
November 4th, 2014 7:23pm
Independence is something every teenager craves. And therefore if not given independence, they can seek rebellion. If I had to tell my parents that I'd like more independence then I would broach the topic on how I need more space and privacy. That I have gotten enough responsible and trustworthy to be trusted enough to handle my own problems, make my own decisions and fight my own wars. The parents have to know how we don't always seek their help and a little independence would be appreciated.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2017 2:00am
Pulling from your question, it would be okay to say "I feel I'm ready for some more independence." Think of some examples of how you can prove you are ready for more independence. Think of some examples of what you feel is keeping you dependent, and how those things can be addressed. Think of some compromises on your indepedence that you would like to take: your parents may not be as ready for this as you are, and it will comfort them to know that you can still be compeltely dependent in some areas. You may want to say something like, "I love you and I will always need you for somethings, and I will definitely ask you if I need help or advice - but at this point, I'm ready to take some more steps towards my independence and would love your help and blessing with that."
Anonymous
September 7th, 2015 3:26am
Try to have this conversation with them, calmly, and maybe give examples of how you've been responsible before.
Prabu
October 6th, 2014 6:47am
To become eligible to tell them you need more independence, the first step is to build trust in them. When you build trust you no need to ask for more independence
Aeowen
October 25th, 2014 3:19pm
You have to show them that you deserve to be more independent by doing things without them having to tell you and getting all the things they want from you done without complaining.
AnnieElen
October 25th, 2014 2:18am
Just tell them straight on! It's your life your parents, you should be able to tell them what you like!
Harri
October 27th, 2014 3:08pm
Being honest with your parents and explaining both sides of the story can be a great start to helping them see your side
Uniqueg
October 30th, 2014 8:56pm
Have a talk with them and let them know why you want to be more independent and how you to plan to make it happen so they know your serious.
sweetfreedom13
July 20th, 2015 12:29am
If this were me, I would say that if they trusted me as a person, and believed I would do the right thing in absence of them, then I hope they would trust me to be on my own- even if for just a few things in my life.
starrySong95
September 21st, 2015 6:02am
There's no set way that works best for everyone, but some good guidelines include reminding them that this doesn't mean you don't love it need them still, and explain how the independence can be good for you.
serenePudding
November 7th, 2016 4:57pm
Sit with them when they are both together, set the right time and place, preferably home. Put the topic in discussion that is bothering you, like studying. Get a notebook, show them what you are going to do , and abide by them. Day-by-day they will see you're commitment to the matter in hand, in return give you more space to become more independent. You're parents might be totally against like you doing something on you're own, they just want to complete with the do-this do-that. But prove you're committed and you WILL be an independent person.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2014 10:11pm
honestly and to their face. Communicate your needs clearly without sugarcoating it or demanding it. Explain yourself in a mature way and hope you can reason with them, expressing yourself is the only way you can get your needs noticed. do it and do it honestly and often.
Klu
October 11th, 2014 3:17pm
For me, it's hard trying to get this message across without my parents getting really offended and taking it personally. It's best to gradually go about it, like maybe going places with friends without them staying with you guys, but making sure it's a big group of friends. Having a license helps a lot in gaining some independence too so that you can take yourself places and even help them out with errands or groceries. This has worked best for me, letting them know you're responsible and safe even without them always right there.
Wes2
November 4th, 2014 9:10am
This is a very difficult moment that every child needs to go through at some point. The best way is to become independent from them. If you're still living under their roof, eating their food, spending their money, then legally you are their dependent. Which makes becoming fully independent from them a somewhat distant concept. That said, you can sit down with them, and communicate with them exactly how you feel, and what sort of independence you want.
akireleon
November 11th, 2014 7:54am
Well, you can start by showing them that you are responsible enough to handle yourself. Make them feel secure and make them trust you more.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2015 8:29am
Sometimes telling parents is the thing that keeps them from allowing one to have more independence. Showing your parents that independence is important to you by telling them what you're going to do or just doing responsible things on your own is the way to go about it.
Anonymous
April 24th, 2015 12:28am
Sit them down for a conversation. Showing them you can handle a mature conversation, even if it means you don't get what you want will earn their trust and respect, which usually leads to more independence
GentleStrength
June 7th, 2015 8:02am
Try to explain to them that although you understand that they want to protect you and keep you safe, that you have to learn to do things on your own. You will not always be able to depend on them, so practicing on your own while you can still fall back on them when you need to is the perfect first step to becoming an independent, succesfull and competent adult.
MandaP
July 6th, 2015 7:00am
Talk to them about. You will have to prove yourself as responsible and able in small ways your parents can accept. This will show them you are ready for more and more as time goes on.
Greatlistener87
July 11th, 2016 8:19am
You will have to have a talk with them about how you really feel and what it means to have your own independence and how much u would love if they cooperate with u on this.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2016 11:54am
Based on my experience, an open, half rational, half emotionally sincere discussion would be the first step. If you have a concrete example of "lack of independence causing you either emotional or social harm" as a starting point it's easier and you can start by explaining how that particular situation made you feel and how more independence would have helped you cope better on each level. From that you can start to generalize and reach the main idea and your "request", that being getting your parents to really take your wish into account and realize it's better for you. The tone and the approach are the ones that make the difference. If you manage to keep balanced and level-headed and at the same time to bring both rational and emotional arguments to your parents (these should keep them really involved in the discussion and avoind them getting dismissive) things should work pretty well..
Anonymous
August 7th, 2017 8:12am
By directly telling them in a serious, heart-to-heart conversation, preferably without the presence of other relatives like siblings. It is best to communicate your thoughts directly to your parents, and I'm sure that if it's good for you, they will let you be.