How do I avoid taking the harmful things my mom says to me to heart?

12 Answers
Last Updated: 12/11/2017 at 5:05am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
January 14th, 2015 8:28am
Sometimes your mum might get angry with you for some reason, and then say something which isn't so nice - but you've got to remember that she is your mum, and she loves you, and will never hurt you!
May 18th, 2015 3:28pm
Can you avoid getting wet standing under the rain ? Stay away from the rain. Only come out when it's sunny.
February 9th, 2015 4:40am
Know that she's just human and may be going through difficult times. Most likely she said those things in the heat of the moment without considering how harmful they can be. Afterwards, she may be too embarrassed to apologize or thought that it was alright since she may expect you to understand since it was just said when she's unhappy. You can also tell her when she's normal that her words harm you. She will take note of this if she is understanding. If she keeps saying these harmful things however, just know that you're your own person, and you can make a stand by retorting politely to her, while showing that you are concerned about how she's feeling then. i.e. 'you're so stupid' --> 'I do well in school/I do well at work. I don't agree with what you said, but I'm hurt that you think that way. What's bothering you?/why are you so angry/annoyed at me?'
December 11th, 2017 5:05am
Sometimes people are not always in a mindset to fully consider what they say, and will say hurtful things! It's important to remember what we feel versus what someone else is telling us; If someone says we are stupid, we know we are not stupid so it should not matter what they say. Building confidence is a good way to prevent others from affecting our mood and opinions of ourselves.
December 19th, 2016 10:08pm
By trying to understand what your mother is going through and seeing things from her perspective. My mother has depression and bipolar disorder. She has a history of sexual abuse and grew up in a poor environment, so she didn't have an easy life. She used to say mean things about abandoning my sisters and I or how she should go die so we can get money because it would clearly make us happy. I know she loves us dearly, especially with how often she tells us about how happy she is to have had us, so I see it as her depression/bipolar talking and, while it hurts, I know she doesn't mean it personally.
May 30th, 2015 3:32am
Just know that a mother's love will always be there no matter what. Even if it is being marred by unkind words. Love is a powerful thing and can help change the way people act towards you. Just keep showing your mom how much you love her and are grateful for her presence in your life. You might be surprised at the change you will see!
June 30th, 2015 7:04pm
By understanding that even though she's your mother she's a person with flaws and different opinions
August 24th, 2015 5:04pm
You are who you want to be. Even if your mom says hurtful things, you choose who you want to be. Be honest to yourself and be who you are supposed to be by being true to yourself.
November 10th, 2015 2:43pm
You can try talking to your mum and telling her that the things that she is saying is leaving a scar. You can always let it go in one year and of the other as well.
October 17th, 2016 4:27pm
Ignore them, she probably doesn't mean them, do stuff around the house to get nice things said to you
January 24th, 2017 10:53am
Think about how she could be having problems on her own time. She isn't saying those things for no reason. I know when my mom says harsh things to me that somethings up with her and I try to help her feel better about them.
November 28th, 2017 10:21pm
Yes, Trust me, I've had my fair share of this, No parent is perfect, she's probably really stressed out, she obviously doesn't mean what shes saying, or maybe shes just so frustrated that's all that comes out