How do I criticize my parents if I still live with them?
Last Updated: 10/13/2020 at 5:33pm
Caroline Middelsdorf, MSc.
I am a warm hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist. I am here to dedicate my expertises to my clients and their individual challenges, thoughts and feelings.
Top Rated Answers
My personal belief is that if you are under a roof provided by your parents, you must always be respectful so this is important when you are criticizing your parents. You must know where the line is between having an argument and being disrespectful. Of Course parents can push buttons but you do have to find a way to communicate that in a respectful manner. That is how I view it when i decide to criticize my parents on something.
I'm not sure if it's best to approach communication with parents using "criticism". When we talk with people we have some sort of relationship with, that often makes people defensive and the conversation will most likely not go well. I think it's best to tell your parents about what bothers you, even if it's something that they are doing. Telling them what bothers you in a non-aggressive way and what you want them to do (or consider) in a non-aggressive way will probably give you best results. Almost all parents really care deeply about their children, and if you approach them in a way where they will listen to you, the conversation will go best. There are some circumstances where the home environment isn't the best, and parents won't want to hear any kind of issues you have with them. This is a tough situation as that means that your parents won't listen no matter how you approach them. I think it's best to at least try to approach them in a calm way where you tell them what bothers you, but that isn't always possible. In cases where parents are harder to deal with, sometimes you just have to deal with the situation the best you can, and move out when you can. Sometimes we are in tough positions where we don't like or have issues with people we have to see all the time, but we can't just leave and have to deal with it. This can happen in jobs, in school, or with parents. For example, if you have a family to support you can't just quit your job if you have issues with your boss or other coworkers. Learning to get along in difficult situations is a good skill to learn. It takes some practice, but I believe you can be happy and generally be well even if the situation you are in is not the best. Realizing why you have to be in that situation and appreciating the benefits you get from it is an important part of that.
Easy. You don't. If you wish to improve your relationship with them or wish they could do certain things, perhaps discussion, sharing your thoughts from an angle of desire, love, and compassion; that's ok. It's not really appropriate to criticize anyone as we, as people, have not walked a mile in their shoes. If they are acting in a way that is 100% unacceptable or inappropriate, it more likely than not would be counterproductive to criticize them anyway.
A positive way to bring up difficult conversations is the "See - Imagine - Feel" process. It allows you to identify things which are happening and say how they are affecting you, without being confrontational. Firstly, you highlight something factual, i.e. describe events/actions which are objective. Secondly, you suggest how you imagine it might have arisen, or how it might feel for the other person. Thirdly, you describe how this makes you feel. For example, if my parents were arguing about money a lot, I might say: "You have been raising your voices to each other recently and finances come up a lot >>> I can imagine that money is a very stressful topic when you don't completely agree >>> but this situation makes me feel upset and uncomfortable in the house, and I feel I can't talk to either of you about issues going on in my life at the moment."
It's difficult, as you don't want to cause any further friction. Perhaps try to think about what it is that your parents do that you don't like, and what you think could happen to improve the situation. Then, sit down with them and talk calmly and try to offer solutions that you feel you would be happy with. It is good to let them air their views about the situation, too.
You know your parents best. Is there some way you could offer a new idea or suggestion? Can you approach them to say you disagree or feel the current situation is negatively affecting you? One thing to keep in mind is not to accuse them. Accusing people in general makes them become immediately defensive and much less likely to listen to anything you say with an open mind. By keeping the topic away from blame and offering ideas, you might have a better chance of them taking your comments into consideration.
they are very nice and i love them, even if they seem wrong i know they are right whatever is the situation
Although you cannot criticize someone if you are living in their home, but there are some ways you can try to make the situation more livable. First try to talk with them about the situation you feel. Make a list of the things you want to say so that you are prepared. It helps you to stay calmer and more relaxed and focused on the issues at hand. Let them know how you feel and the issues that are bothering you. And allow them to speak also so that an open line of communication can be heard. If you feel that the problems have not resolved or are not changing after a certain time then maybe it might be time to consider moving on and finding your own place with perhaps a room-mate if you can't afford to be on your own. Just be prepared for all possibilities.
It isn't about criticizing your parents, it's more about demanding the respect you deserve. Sit them down and speak with them- allowing them to know what you feel when and way. Try to come up with a way to work on things together
Why would you criticize your parents? They are not a thought or a movie, you talk with your parents, argue with your parents.
From my experience, criticizing my parents never takes me anywhere, and I still live with them. I would say you could hope for better by peacefully airing your grievances. I know everyone is different, but my parents and most I know don't really listen. You could try but it personally never got me anywhere. So what I do, I suck it up and try to cheer myself up when they get so frustrating that I cannot stand myself. Either way, there's only so much you can say and/or criticize when they are the whole reason why you are clothed and fed.
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