Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?

215 Answers
Last Updated: 12/22/2022 at 4:25am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Portugal
Moderated by

Jennifer Patterson, LMFT

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 28th, 2019 4:10am
Sometimes this can be the hardest hurdle we have with our family. I personally struggle with my family and their religious views. To put it very lightly, we have very different views. I always attempt to stand my ground, not allow religion to become part of the conversation and if it does I let whoever I am talking to know that I will not allow myself to be subject to bashing and will walk away if necessary. Sometimes, its even easier to avoid the situations or family members all together. If you do have to be around them, just be yourself, be compassionate and understanding of their views and attempt to come to a resolution that works for you both.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2019 7:09am
They could take it well, or they could take it horribly. Chances are, their religion is one of love. Reminding them of that will be the key. Either way, being honest with them and slowly detaching yourself from any religious affiliations is the best route to go. If you aren't comfortable worshipping any certain god/gods, nobody can force you to. Religion is a personal choice, one that everyone has the right to make on their own. Don't feel obligated to be religious just because of your family or friends or community. I promise it's going to be ok and one day you will be able to make your own choices and live your own life.
MissLisa
August 8th, 2019 12:37pm
Be respectful towards them and their beliefs. Just because you have different views on religion does not mean you cannot be respectful to one another. Do not try and force your views on them, just as they shouldn't force their beliefs onto you. If you are able to have an open conversation about religion with them on a generic level then that is great but otherwise do not raise the issue as this may cause un-necessary problems. They may carry out certain rituals or lifestyle choices in the name of their beliefs, this does not mean you have to be a part of such however you should not try and prevent them from doing so as this would be disrespectful.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2019 4:56am
I try to ignore it and move on. If it gets brought up I politely tell them I don't wish to discuss it with them. If they keep pushing I just leave the situation. You need to remain respectful to their beliefs so they treat you with that respect back. When someone asks what I believe made the earth or some other question like that, I tell them I don't question them so I expect them not to question me. My opinion shouldn't affect anyone else's, but my own. Especially if I'm not critcising them. Just make sure you pick your battles.
magicmango26
January 26th, 2022 11:52pm
Hi there, I am actually in a similar situation -- without knowing more details about your situation, I would say that even if you don't agree with the practices of the family, still try to be respectable and willing to listen. You just need to show them that you are willing to listen. You shouldn't voice your differences, just be there for the family as a listener, if they ask you questions, then voice what you want to say, otherwise try to be as respectful as you can be! That is one way of dealing with this situation. Wishing you all the best!
IcecreamLover138
November 3rd, 2021 10:33pm
The key to overcoming something that appears to be a difference it to discover the similarities among you and your family. While they are people who possess some form of religious beliefs and you do not; everybody believes in something. For example, christians believe in being good and kind to ones neighbor. You may feel that this is a worthy virtue as well. Being kind to ones neighbor, whether back by religious motivation or person values is a commonality that you and your family share. You may also maintain a belief that people are inherently good, as religious people your family may see the world in that same light
AmiYumi
July 22nd, 2021 7:02am
There are some people you know you will never agree with regarding various social, religious, or political issues. If your family is very religious and insists that you follow in their footsteps, the best thing I found to do is to avoid talking about religion altogether. I have told my father on numerous occasions, "This conversation will not end well and neither of us will cause the other to change their belief. So let's not go there and enjoy what we love about each other." This is delivered with a smile and wink to show I'm not being aggressive or confrontational but simply wanting to enjoy a good talk. There are so many things we all enjoy or have in common - why not talk about those things? Some people may still try to push their beliefs on you -- in this case, I recommend standing your ground once. Tell them politely but firmly that you feel each person should be able to choose their own religion. They have theirs and you respect that. Equally, you have yours. You won't disrespect them by trying to force your beliefs on them - and ask they do the same. Explain that if they do not, you will have to leave the room, change the subject, not talk to them - depending on the severity. This may not work for everyone but it is the only thing I've done that allows me to keep a cool head, establish boundaries, and maintain self-respect.
Macaronip
June 6th, 2021 9:07am
Be firm in your beliefs. Stand up for yourself, but remember just as you have a right to your beliefs, they also have a right to thiers. Remind them of this in a non heated environment. Respect thier beliefs and ask them to respect yours. If they choose to practice, for example praying before dinner, try not interrupt. If they try to target you, simply stay with that mantra in a calm, steady, firm manner "You have a right to your beliefs, and I have a right to mine." If they offer to pray for you, say thank you and move on. It's sometimes hard to stay calm when you feel like you are being targeted, but it is the best way to be respected for your stance.
brilliantWaves6737
May 30th, 2021 2:48pm
The first thing you can do is that respect your family's opinion at being religious. Never disrespect their opinions especially in publicly. Make them understand your perspective about this. Make sure your belief about things doesn't make you aloof from your family. Make your self very clear in front them. They should know what u feel. Never act as if u agree with this will give them a wrong idea about your opinion. Never force them to change their minds. Try to keep a balance between a healthy debate and harming their ideas. Hope this helps you. All the best.
CharmaineM
May 19th, 2021 9:44am
I can't give a direct advice on how to deal with the situation but I can encourage you to express your feelings to your family regarding religion and hear what the response will be and just take it from there. It's okay to feel nervous about the conversation , anyone would be , but always remember that your own personal values and beliefs are also important even though they wont be always similar to the ones of your family members. Everyone is going through their own personal journeys in life and what works for you might not work for the next person.
admirableRose261
May 15th, 2021 3:26am
Developing resilience is the key to dealing with any opposition over your life choices. Being at odds with family members can be a frustrating and hurtful experience. Ask yourself: What is my goal? Are you trying to explain your point of view during a family function or keep calm during a prayer with a family member? Once you have settled on a goal, you know the next phase is how to share your message without alienating your family. Finding a trusted confidant to practice what you will say in certain situations, or how you will cope in others is the best path. Create scenarios, act them out, practice. Remember, lead with love and compassion, be honest and authentic - be yourself. Listeners on 7cups are with you.
Marrufus
May 14th, 2021 7:00am
This was really tough and it still has its challenges some days. I am Gay and my family is from a Catholic background. Some members of my family made it clear they didn’t except my lifestyle because of the church. My lifestyle was wrong and my thoughts were sins. I found friends that went through similar things and was able to connect with them and the more I focused on myself and my lifestyle. My family and I have worked on our relationship since then but when the topic of religion or God is brought up, I don’t engage. For me there is a connection between all humans by our vibrations and our energy. I can’t control what my family thinks but I can control how I think and how I react to situations and I don’t think it’s worth the energy or time to defend my lifestyle or beliefs.
rosejobis
January 19th, 2022 10:01am
That must a quite hard on you especially when the family is involved imposing their beliefs on you. However, have you tried communicating your boundaries in a healthy way as to what part of the religion you do not agree to be a part of? By setting and communicating your boundaries, it would help them understand your point of view without ruining the parent-child bond that the family shares. The conversation could begin something along the lines of - " I appreciate your love and concern, however... ". Further, letting them know that you respect their beliefs however, are not comfortable following the same beliefs.
Anonymous
April 17th, 2021 5:59pm
In my experience it really helped to find ideals for common good between my own and others belief, in this way we could work towards the same goals without clashing about the details. If you can't quite find such similarities, it is sometimes worthwhile putting the effort into maintaining peace. For instance, during prayer, you could take a moment to center yourself instead of arguing that you don't want to be involved. Arguing about belief systems with family can cause unnecessary rifts, especially if we consider it from the perspective that we actually all just want what is best for each other.
Anonymous
March 25th, 2021 4:37pm
As an atheist myself, I know how it feels when all your religious family shares their beliefs and you simply cannot participate in their ceremonies and stuff like that in the same way but, even then, i believe my way of seeing religion is valide and not a made up thought. Religion shouldn't come between family and, if it does in your family, you should do something about it, for it is not okay for family to mistreat someone of their own in anyway and is even worse when they do it for something like a belief. But, the same goes to you, you shouldn't judge and mistreat others of your family because they aren't atheists.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2021 12:53pm
First, I would make sure you have someone else you can talk to because depending on how religious your family is, they might dismiss your feelings and this support system will be there for you if the next step fails. Next, I would talk to your family and tell them why you do not believe in religion and if they dismiss you or they don't listen to you then unfortunately there is not much you can do about that. You can't force people to accept you, including family. Luckily, there are great communities here for everyone and lots of people who are going through the same situation as you.
Anonymous
February 26th, 2021 1:59pm
It might be best to just try and see if they will understand. There's not much you can do until you are out on your own. There is no direct way to "deal" with it, but try communicating how you feel. It may seem hard to get them to understand but over time they will leave it alone. At the end of the day, if they truly love you, they won't care whether you practice a religion or not. Also their religion, no matter which one, tells them to love others. Simply put, they will understand eventually but they love you regardless.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2021 6:58pm
Sometimes it can be difficult to live with people who have different foundational beliefs than you. It is important to realize, though, that it is possible, and even can be a positive experience, to coexist with people of diverse religious backgrounds. Just because you do not believe what they believe doesn't mean you have to engage them in discourse regarding their or your belief systems. It also doesn't mean you need to respond to expressions of their faith (or that they need to respond to your atheism). It is possible to live with people of different beliefs without imposing your atheism on them and without them imposing their faith on you. Setting healthy boundaries with them is a great place to start.
kaybaby2389
January 16th, 2021 1:08am
Put myself in their shoes and do not judge, Be empathetic and try to understand the emotions and feelings they are experiencing related to their religion. Understand their religion more in depth by maybe doing some research on what that specific religion entails and what it means for them and their community. Do not include that you are non religious because that wouldn't help the situation at all and would not inspire that you are sympathetic to their issues and their religion. Always allow the client to lead the conversations and make them aware that you care about what they are going through.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2021 3:15pm
With something as important as faith, arguments are bound to come up between you and your religious family. Handling this the wrong way can put a permanent divider between you and your loved ones, and so if you want to preserve your familial relationships as much as possible, here’s what you need to do. First, argue with kindness. If you’re angry, confrontational, or vengeful as you try to convey truth, you’ll only cement your family’s beliefs, as well as their view that atheism is an evil. Be kind, however, and your family may just begin to realize how wrong they are about you. They’ll see that you’re an atheist, yet you’re not fitting any of their negative, preconceived notions of what an atheist is. With a little work, you’ll open their eyes and help them to see you as a person, not as a label. And whatever you do, don’t argue to “win.” Argue to reveal truth—that’s the goal. Keep an open mind, too, to whatever they may have to teach you. Argue the right way, and your coming out as an atheist might just have the happiest ending you could ask for.
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2021 9:45pm
This is a tough one, because I am in this exact situation right now. I don’t know the full story/circumstances you are in, but I do know that as a minor myself, it is a living hell. Parents Especially have control almost everything sometimes. It’s also hard when you are at family gatherings and your super conservative grandma starts talking about religion and politics. From what I have done to cope so far is to just be patient. If you have family members who are not open minded and will just gas-light you, I would recommend to just stay quiet. It is not worth your time to bicker with someone who thinks in black-and-white and is narrow minded. I know how hard it can be sometimes, but I promise you there will be a day where you will be able to surround yourself with people who either share your same beliefs/non-existent beliefs, or at least people who will respect and understand you. Remember, us listeners are here if you ever need it!
Lunx1824
December 20th, 2020 5:43am
Dealing with a religious family can be difficult since you are taken into a perspective that you feel like you are the black sheep of your family. I completely understand that. Since they are indeed your family that has raised you since birth, try to respect their religious practices, It is important to be respectful for their beliefs since it makes them happy. You do not have to agree with their sayings, you can just let them believe their own religion as long as they are not mentally abusing you. If religion gets really bad, then try to stand up for what you believe in and calmly speak to your family of your own decisions.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 11:16pm
This is me right here! I love my family and respect individuals - even if not their ideas - but I also demand they respect me by actions if not words. They insisted that I go to church, so I would but then not go through the motions, which eventually worked so that they no longer pressured me. Pray for me? Go right ahead. I don't make a big deal out of my athiesm despite the discussions around me, or even provocative statements aimed at me. I often use humor: Of course I have a close relationship with my creator: I talk to mom everyday and spoil her on my birthday!
DarkPiT23
November 22nd, 2020 8:39am
My family is Christian. My dad's a believer - better classified a deist than a Christian. However, he follows all christian rituals and celebratory occasions. Mom is a staunch christian who believes Jesus is more or less directly responsible for all the good in our life. I don't know exactly when I lost my faith, but it was never strong/ unshakeable to begin with. I never really thought about it much during my childhood. Once I started thinking about it - in college, I was quick to denounce the whole thing as rubbish. How did my folks react? Mom was and is sad - she believes that since I'm a good person overall, a just and all loving God would NOT punish me/ send me to hell... But she's still disturbed that I don't believe. She often tells me to just try to believe again. My dad essentially tells me to pretend. He says that it takes little effort to just go to church once in a while, or to pray when mom wants. He says I don't know enough to renounce God altogether. He agrees that the stories in the bible are full of holes, and shouldn't be the basis of my actions/ beliefs. But he says that believers have a better life and community support - so at least on practical grounds, I should just play along. That kinda makes sense to me. I clarified with dad if he was actually doing that - no. He really does believe. And he doesn't fret about it too much. My brother is on the verge of losing faith, but he has consciously stopped thinking about it. He says that believing gives him a sense of peace, even if it's irrational. He doesn't want to lose that, and to that extent, purposefully avoids reading more about this. My wife is clearly the most religious of the lot. She - ahem - finds my lack of faith disturbing. She feels helpless, and is often saddened by this. Both my wife and my mom don't discuss religion much with me - Most of our arguments end with them not having an answer, and then saying "We don't know enough about the bible/ God to answer that. You should talk to so and so pastor/ relative if you want to have this discussion". In the end, they are believing cos they chose to believe. For my part, I'm not picking fights. I have only told some people I'm an atheist. I don't object to my family's traditions/ customs tied to religion. I hate going to church, but I'm OK doing that once in a while (if you pay attention to what's being said, the sermons can be quite hilarious. The best cure for Christianity IS the bible, after all.) The only exception would be when they use Christianity to judge other people, like homosexuals. But that doesn't come up often. In fact, it hasn't cropped up in discussion in years. When I met my wife, she was convinced that being gay was an unnatural lifestyle choice that people use to rebel against God. But she was reasonable enough to listen and read - she doesn't feel that way anymore. Overall, I must say I'm lucky that my family's religiousness is not extreme. I'm sure that I'd have had a really tough time in a really religious household
Anonymous
October 21st, 2020 10:59pm
I remain open to their faith and how it might guide and shape them. Understanding rather than being ambivalent to their faith has always served me better than standing on my own different beliefs. It is through understanding that we learn from each other. Intolerance yields nothing but friction and possible argument about faith, rather than a healthy discussion between individuals. When I find a friend or coworker with a different faith, which I know little or nothing of, I will often ask if they are open to discussing it with me so that I have a basic knowledge of their belief system. This also helps me to avoid doing something that may offend them.
WisdomJustice
October 21st, 2020 6:14pm
Well, this is a typical situation. If you are dependent on them for now then you can pretend to be religious in front of them. If you are independent, I don't see any reason to be their slave. You are a free person who has the right to make your own choices. On the other hand they also have a right to profess their own religion. You can be an atheist but you need not to make fun of their religion or impose their atheist views on you. Just live and let live. Do what you like and let your family do what they like.
Anonymous
October 21st, 2020 3:15am
It depends on how open and accepting your family is! Judge their characters under a figurative microscope and see if you can glean what their reactions will be if you tell them your beliefs. Some religious people are more accepting of us atheists than others. Just be cautious if you live with them. You don't want to end up hurting your relationship with them and dealing with it every day until you can move out. Above all, do whatever you judge to be the right action. Ask the advice of people you trust. And be safe!
Anonymous
September 28th, 2020 6:42pm
If dealing with a religious family as an ashiest, you still treat them with equality and respect. despite our race, sexual preferences, religion etc, everyone has a voice that deserves to be heard. Having differences does not mean we are in a position to judge others and their choices, as long as it harms no-one, everyone deserves freedom to be who they want to be and have their own beliefs without the fear of being rejected. Everyone should be allowed the same dignity as another. We all have feelings, we all have troubles and stresses, why should religion be an excuse not to help someone just because you don't believe? treat everyone as equal, and be kind
000silverMemory000
September 25th, 2020 10:54pm
The best way to get comfortable with your own beliefs is to realize how personal it is to you. Although it can be difficult if family members constantly harass you about it, you will learn to be your own best friend. Express to them that you have deep respect for their religion while also hoping to gain respect from them. If they do not accept you even after communicating, they will not and that’s okay too. Don’t go back to a religion that you do not believe in for someone else. You do not owe an explanation to someone for your beliefs, even if it is family. All you need to do it remain civil.
Anonymous
February 8th, 2020 7:02pm
This is a very difficult topic for a conversation for everyone. I would first advise you to research an atheist and find the positive things in him that you can share.Then ask yourself what you need to do as an atheist and how much will it suit you personally?Be ready for the family to give up on you when you say your idea or get rid of it. That's okay. It would be a good idea to consider whether it is okay to be an atheist and find yourself in it.I sincerely wish you all the luck in this world. I hope everything goes well.