How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?
215 Answers
Last Updated: 12/22/2022 at 4:25am
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Jennifer Patterson, LMFT
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Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
Top Rated Answers
Personally for me, I realize that people will have different beliefs and that's alright! At the end of the day, we should both accept each other's beliefs even if we don't agree with them. Letting them know your beliefs is up to you and the repercussions of it; ie. If they will kick you out, you might want to hold off on letting them know, but if you know they will still support you, then I don't see why not. Thanks for asking :)
Be supportive of them to set a good example. If you're kind to them about their religious beliefs, it is likely they will be more undestanding of you. If that still doesn't work, you can go to a family counselor.
Just accept them for who they are. If someone outside your family has an issue defend them because family is all you have.
You're an atheist. That doesn't mean you don't have to respect what others believe so if you don't want to involve in any religious matters, tell your family about it. Tell them your perception.
One thing you'll need to accept is that while there are many religions, you may not be partial to any. You can either confront one of your family about your Atheism, or even just do your best to acknowledge that you and your family have different paths.
I have dealt with this personally and the best way is with shared respect. Respect their beliefs and have the expectation that they respect yours, as well.
Telling them about your beliefs is difficult, and they may not understand at first. Some families may accept you while others will neglect you. Mine have accepted me, but are still trying to convert my beliefs. I try to change too, for their happiness, but it doesn't seem to be working. Maybe showing them that you care about their beliefs will help...
You are jumping too quickly to the most difficult proof. Believing There Is a Heaven is perhaps the hardest thing out of the whole story to swallow.
Anonymous
June 8th, 2018 6:02am
The most important thing in this sort of situation is to be upfront about it and try and explain to your family why you feel that way and make them understand the way you think. They way you do this is very important you need to sit with them and calmly explain everything in detail so that they understand how you feel and answer any question they ask truthfully.
The most important factors are respect and sincerity. When dealing with people of another faith, sincerity will get through to them. Just as respect will give them the opportunity to be sincere to you
Anonymous
June 20th, 2018 5:51am
Be kind and respectful, yes you may not believe in the same thing but It is still nice to respect their beliefs as they should yours
It depends on the religion but I'd suggest sitting down with your family and conveying your thoughts respectfully. Show them your way of thinking. The most important thing to do is to be respectful.
It sounds like maybe you are feeling judged by them? Be respectful and understanding, but expect the same respect. By embracing each other's differences, you can grow closer and still everyone can have their personal beliefs. Let them see that you are a good person, and know that they mean well, even if misguided in their behaviors towards you.
If you're an atheist, you're entitled to that. Your family may think, feel, and believe one thing, but that doesn't mean you have to agree and believe in the same things they do. It's important to respect and tolerate everyone's beliefs, even if they don't match your own. Just know it's not wrong to feel or think differently than others; that's what makes us unique individuals.
Respect their beliefs and expect respect in return. They have the right to be religious, and you have the right to be an atheist. Respect is all there is to it.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 6:21pm
Come to your senses and realize there's better ways to waste your time than being an atheist.
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2018 1:53am
Trust in yourself and what you believe in do your best in what you are good at and show them how you can strive and be the best even as an atheist
Remember that you don't need to convince them of anything. It's still okay to participate in the community and ritual of church even as a non-believer. Be respectful of their beliefs as an example of how you'd like them to be of yours.
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2018 8:23pm
everyone is free in their faith so you must respect them and tell them that they should respect you.
Accept that people have different beliefs regarding religion. It's perfectly okay for you to be different in that regard from your family. Make sure they're not imposing their ideals on you and vice versa, but respect each other's differences.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2018 6:25pm
Try to understand them. Don't argue with them. If they want you to believe in their religion, search about that religion. Think like that, 'I am an atheist, but what will I do if there is a God and religion? What will I do in the other world?' Use your brain and look into it. Choose the best way for you so you won't get regret. Don't read the article that wrote by atheists. I hope you can find the right way.
Respect their religious beliefs, but let them know that they should respect your beliefs as well, no one knows for sure who is right, and both parties deserve the same amount of respect
The answer depends on situation. Some people are mildly religious while some are more. There are even extremists. In case of extremists, it's better to hide the atheist status. In other cases if it seems safe to let them know, just talk to them and let them know your atheist status. In case they keep bugging you to change, tell them that religion should come from heart , only than will it be accepted by God. True religion is personal relationship between God and the individual. Nobody else needs to know if you believe or not believe. There's no place for a third person. People will advise you, guide you on how to be religious but nobody should force you. If they forgot their place, you don't forget yours. Just have your own belief on your life. Don't mind people.
Anonymous
October 17th, 2018 9:25pm
Be clear and upfront with the feelings you have and don't try and change them but make them understand where you're coming from. Try to find other people in similar situations and ask for advice. Always contact authorities if your family become hostile towards you. But realise that they only want you to be happy and understand where you are coming from. Most times its just not communicating properly that can hurt families so communicate more and communicate well. As long as you can still do the things you love with your family nothing should really change. they will accept you as long as you continue to accept them
I myself am an atheist in a religious family. The truth is to just follow what you believe and let them do the same. They have no right to expect or ask you participate in religious activities and you have no right to ask them not to or to go against their personal beliefs. However, it can be beneficial to all of you to share your opinions and reasons behind them so you can understand from a different perspective why they choose to be religious and they can understand why you choose not to be. If they try to push you to do things you don't want to do, just politely decline and if they push further let them know you care and respect their beliefs and wish they would do the same for you.
Anonymous
October 19th, 2018 7:28pm
I, as an atheist, completely understand this struggle. What I have learned to do is change the subject whenever religion comes up. If you've already come out, simply express to them that you are not interested in their religion, but you still love them. If you haven't come out yet, try to slowly push their religion away so soon enough they wont be horribly shocked if you come out. The more respect you give them, the more they'll give you.
You should explain them that you care about them and that the fact that you are an atheist doesn't change anything but your personal beliefs. Make sure they understand that you respect them and their beliefs even though you do not follow their religion. If they do not respect you for that, you should, try to explain them why you don't believe in the same things they do, make sure that they know you feel this way because you do, and simply because of that. Make sure they understand you're not just saying it, that it is who you are.
As someone who is religious but also respects anyone who is an atheist, I firmly believe the best way to interact with the religious family is to keep the topic of religion to a minimum. Religion is extremely important to many people because it partially is who they identify as due to the values and way they're supposed to live their life according to the religion in question.
I do know that a good way to start a conversation, if you're open to it, is to ask them about their religion and just listen to them talk, sort of like how we talk to people here! Asking someone about something they're very interested in or something that's a big part of their life is surely a conversation starter, and will pave the way to creating a level of mutual respect between you.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2018 11:45pm
Growing up in a conservative household and community, I learned how difficult it can be being berated, having religion shoved down your throat. There are several ways to "combat" this but the best may be to "preach" acceptance and love just like most religions do with your own actions and words. Most of all is just to accept the situation yourself. Your beliefs and views are your own, and that's awesome. Accept it for part of who you are. Furthermore accept the fact that one can rarely can another, so don't just "give up" on your family but rather set that example of tolerance without feeding into what can seem very hateful and judgmental.
Anonymous
December 26th, 2018 11:13pm
Know that you're personal religious path can be different than theirs and that they should respect that. If you live together, however, you may have to give up a few things if they feel it is disrespectful (for example, swearing against god or listening to certain music around the house) because for many religious people it may hurt the energy of the house, and they are doing you a favor by letting you live with them. If it becomes unbearable, you can always start a plan to move out. It can be a good day by day motivation. If you have access to it, consider therapy as a family if issues are stronger.
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