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How do I forgive my parents?

23 Answers
Last Updated: 10/06/2020 at 11:10pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
January 4th, 2016 2:16pm
“When you begin to see that your enemy is suffering, that is the beginning of insight.” “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.” If you cannot teach them how to love themselves and love you, you can practice forgiveness by loving yourself deeply. “Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth... This is the real message of love.”
November 24th, 2015 3:56am
Just think that you love them and that will make it easier. Forgiving is not easy. But think they have raised you they have forgived all you little mistakes so you should consider doing it too
March 4th, 2015 10:15am
Forgiveness begins with self. I had to realize that my parents are just people who didn't have a manual on how to raise a child. Once I could see them as I saw other people, people who are struggling through life, I was able to forgive them for the mistakes they've made, and heal a little. It's a daily process.
March 5th, 2015 2:55am
Parents aren't perfect. They're human beings who make mistakes just like you. Forgive for your sake.
April 20th, 2015 12:09am
You work towards forgiving them by putting yourself in their shoes and thinking about the difficulties they go through to take care of you and everything else in their life.
June 1st, 2015 3:40pm
Forgiving is done individually. There is no duty or obligation to forgive, and even if there were, it wouldn´t work, because feelings don´t work with duties or obligations. However, if you really wish to forgive them, you can try to see their hurt and ther limitations. It helps to see them as people who have a blurred sight. They cannot see you clearly because of their own issues. They simply cannot and could not. Maybe they truly wanted to do their best, but hurt you. Of course, your pain is very real and valid. Acknowlediging your pain is very important. Grieving will allow you to let go. Allow the sadness over which has been lost and you will find peace and be able to move forward.
June 2nd, 2015 3:17am
If something they've done is truly horrible, you might want to let time do most of the work. We learn a lot each day, and that is also true of your parents. If you do need time to settle this, hopefully you will all be more mature and able to talk it out later when things have calmed down in your lives. But if this is not over something huge and despicable, it may be beneficial to you to befriend some parents close to your age. Spend time with them as they deal with their children and observe how they make mistakes because they're stressed and don't even see the harm they're doing. Try to get some new perspectives. When you start to get how hard it is to learn how to be a parent, you may be less biased. If it's more that you just don't know how to communicate without an argument coming out somewhere, that might be remedied with talking more often. Making sure, during serious conversations, that they know you are not trying to start anything, but trying to get them to understand your point of view. If, after many attempts at working it out, they still won't listen to you, you might need to go with the Let Time Handle It approach.
August 10th, 2015 5:22am
always remember that you love them, and they love you. Yes, they are older than you and don't see things like you do, but in the end, they do what they do because they really care about you.
August 18th, 2015 8:40pm
Before forgiving your parents, you must forgive yourself. No one is perfect, everyone is flawed, including ourselves. LOVE makes the world go round. Loving someone who claims to be perfect (which no one is) is easy, loving someone who isn't is hard. But, this is way more rewarding.
September 28th, 2015 12:30am
Forgiving your parents depends on the situation and if you are willing to forgive. Depending on circumstances forgiving comes from with in but you don't forget.
December 21st, 2015 9:15pm
Remember that forgiveness is not about the other person, it's about you. It's about putting down that heavy emotional load that you've been carrying and saying, "I'm not going to let this drag me down anymore. I'm free, no matter who you decide to be."
April 19th, 2016 7:03am
Let them know they upset you but that you love them regardless, you'd just like them to be careful .
April 19th, 2016 6:30pm
The first step is to realize that not everything is their fault. That they are also people that probably, surprisingly, feel a lot like you. Recognize them as people who make mistakes. Also talking to them about how you feel might help you and them mend any broken ties
June 13th, 2016 10:35pm
You need to put yourelf in their shoes and try t understand why they did what they did. Try to think about how important they are to you.
July 19th, 2016 1:05am
In my personal experience, forgiving your parents can be very difficult and may be almost impossible to do. Just think about it this way, everybody makes mistakes even parents sometimes. Just forgive and forget about what they've done. It'll help in the long run, trust me. They're your parents after all and they will always care about you.
August 23rd, 2016 6:34am
It depends on how willing you are to get rid of the bitterness you have towards them and the gravity of what they did. I would suggest talking to them first but if that doesn't work, forgive them so you can move on with your life and start to feel better again
September 13th, 2016 3:22am
They are your parents and whatever they have done they must have thought that it was the best for you. They might not always be right but they do what they know how to and their best for you.
October 10th, 2016 9:55am
Know that parents make mistakes, sometimes big ones, just like any other human being might; and know that they did the best they could possibly have done given their own knowledge and past experiences
October 11th, 2016 9:31pm
Stop pointing out their problems and let their parental pressures pass by you. You do not owe anything to them.
October 25th, 2016 2:38pm
You can try to accept that they are human too. They are not perfect and they dont have all the right answers. Just accept that they are human and they can also make mistakes
March 20th, 2017 2:47am
Not forgiving your parents could cause you more harm than them. It causes your heart to hurt. Forgiving them doesn't make what you're forgiving okay, or let them off the hook. It gives your heart healing. It brings you peace. Whenever someone apologizes, accept their apology, don't say it's okay, so as not to condone it. But acceptance means you are ready to move on. That is what you can control. The way you go forward is to not stay still.
August 1st, 2017 1:03pm
By accepting their mistake. People make mistakes. By accepting and forgiving people, we'd learn to be a better version of ourself. Try to talk to them why you're mad at them and ask them to appologize.
October 6th, 2020 11:10pm
Here are some thoughts to help the healing begin: Resolve resentment. Nursing resentments toward a parent does more than keep that parent in the doghouse. Develop realistic expectations. Hold on to the good and try to forget the bad. Foster true separation, think of how you would feel if you had not known your parents at all. What would that be like? Let your parents back into your heart, and understand that they may have done things out of lack of knowledge and experience. Commit to the journey, it will be a hard one, but you can do it and you can make it through.