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How do I live with a mentally-ill parent?

150 Answers
Last Updated: 03/03/2022 at 12:45am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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I am an enthusiastic life-long learner and also a professor of counseling. I have a passion for peoples stories and helping to guide and empower the human spirit.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 3rd, 2022 12:45am
I personally have a mentally-ill parent myself and it can be difficult at times to see someone we love go through something like that, especially since we can't "cure" our loved one. I've learned that self-care and overall, just being kind to myself is really important! It can also be helpful to have open conversations with your loved ones (including your mentally-ill parent) about how this is impacting you so you can get support as well. Your mental health matters as well and it's important to make sure you are supported too! I struggle with mental illness myself, and have really valued the conversations my family members have had with me about how my illness makes them feel (of course phrasing what you say compassionately is really key!!) I really hope this helps!
Loveyou7teja
June 17th, 2018 6:25pm
Though I have no answer for it but I do live with a depressed mother who has been depressed for as long as I remember. Some times them being depressed can make you feel depressed and I can totally relate to it. Sometimes you become immune to their behaviour and sometimes it's downright impossible to survive with them. What I do is write and pass the letter to my only friend who knows of whe family situations she helps me by being there. Giving me a shoulder to cry upon. I would say confess to the people who know you and who care for you. Tell them how you feel and having a shoulder to lean upon helps a lot....
Anonymous
June 24th, 2018 9:15pm
It really depends on the type of mental illness, because I do not know the type of mental illness or the breadth of safety or danger, it is wise to seek help from a licensed therapist who can create plan for you and your parent.
sweetSnow49
June 27th, 2018 1:48am
As a person who lived with a dad with bipolar, I always tried to stay on the good side and avoid anger.
RosesAreBlack
June 27th, 2018 2:35am
You can’t think of them much differently. It wouldn’t be kind. Your parent is getting help by law. But showing that you don’t know how to live with him/her would make hem worse. They love you and you love them.
lexisspace
July 8th, 2018 4:38pm
Treat them with kindness and respect and most importantly, be patient. I know it's hard sometimes but patience is the best way to go.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 7:18pm
Go to a therapist and try to get over it at the end they are your parents you cant leave any of them
Anonymous
July 21st, 2018 4:29am
Sometimes living with a mentally ill parent can be challenging, but the best thing you can do for them is work them through anything that they may be going through. It's also important to remind yourself that mental illness doesn't excuse any mean things that they may say to you.
Anonymous
July 25th, 2018 10:57pm
For any ill parent, there are many support groups available for support and advice. To begin, have you asked your parent's doctor what recommendations they have for you?
3HereForYou3
July 28th, 2018 11:24pm
I don't - I ended up being sent into care. But at the time I just did what worked for both of us, healthy or not.
AnthonyTV
August 1st, 2018 5:51am
I don't think there is a singular "one-size-fits-all" answer for such a question. Mental illness is very wide in scope and different types require different approaches. For one, try to have empathy for them. It's always helpful to try and put yourself in someones shoes. Secondly, if this makes it a struggle for you to positively interact with them, try to teach yourself that how they are with you should be separate from how you treat them - IE: If they continually try to push your buttons or are consistently stressful, try to see it as a good opportunity to practice being kind and compassionate - It's easier to be kind to people who don't test your kindness, in the first place, so let this be an opportunity to not let how you're treated dictate how you treat someone in response. Third, try to read up on or generally inform yourself about their diagnosis/diagnoses, as being knowledgeable about what they're going through can't hurt. Generally, just be aware of them, listen to them, and try to help where you can. PS: If they treat you flat out abusively, understand that it is inappropriate. Respond the best you can, and try to empathize with them if they don't know any better, but know your limits, know that abusive behavior is abusive behavior, and seek out appropriate (professional) resources if need be.
Mitapreeth
August 3rd, 2018 2:42am
I understand that you are going through difficult times, you need to find other people to support you and the parent. You have to realize that it was not your responsibility to make sure she gets better. However, It was important that you played a role in the process. Don´t try to be overly responsible. Think about YOUR mental health also. You still need to be able to have a life, pursue your dreams, be active in your free time and meet up with friends.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2018 1:11pm
First, realizing that your parent has a mental illness, that living this way is not "normal", is a big step for a child who wonders why their family seems to work differently than others. Second, to emotionally separate yourself from them and realize that you are your own person, and to find your own way to mental health and stability. Third, to return (if safe to do so) and offer your new-found empathy and love.
NicoleRoyt125
August 8th, 2018 4:23am
You must learn to accept them for who they are and know when you must contact help. You should never feel in danger because of them, but you must be patient and understand that they are different.
WhatIsYourWhy
August 29th, 2018 3:05pm
Whether you live with a mentally ill parent a mentally ill child or mentally ill family member it can be very very taxing on the family because it is a family disease and all you can do is just be there for support the one thing I feel that you shouldn't do is give up everything in your whole life and put everything ahead of yourself and not make time for yourself you can connect to the right resources so you can maybe get a caregiver or a facility or a therapist or talk to family members and have an intervention so to speak and figure out who can do what hours on which days and make sure that that family member is seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and with your dreams and your goals as well
Anonymous
September 1st, 2018 10:07pm
my mother has PTSD, depression, and bipolar disorder. The first step to living with this is to understand how these mental health issues affect them so that when you see them affected by these issues you can address it and be aware instead of being confused. I'm also aware of the medication she takes and this allows me to visualise and observe her progress will understanding everything happening. I also use trusted mental health help sites to ask my questions and understand how to react and respond productively and safely to whatever may be happening due to what their facing.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2018 3:12am
Living with a mentally ill parent is one of the hardest things to go through. It causes you to grow up way faster than you should. It causes you to question why you? Why can’t I just have a mom or dad who has it together? Why can’t I have a normal parent like everyone else? But then you grow up and you learn to take care of yourself. You learn to be strong for not only you but for throes who depend on you also. Tough times don’t last forever but tough people do. You can do this! We can do this!
Becca32
November 23rd, 2018 9:18am
If you can, i would get them a caregiver to help them or talk to them and explain what is/ isnt acceptavle for you so they dont cross too many lines.
SaltWaterSoul
November 25th, 2018 2:59pm
It can be difficult and stressful to live with a mentally ill parent. Unfortunately, sometimes having the normal parent-child relationship is not possible if a parent is mentally ill. A very important step is to practice self-care like learning stress management techniques and making sure you have a strong support system. Having others they you can count on is crucial. Please try to educate yourself, as much as possible, about your parents’ condition. Knowing what they are going through will help give you perspective and tools on how to best help them. Do not be afraid to ask for help for your own needs. Please consider seeking out a therapist or support group for yourself to help you cope and process.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2019 6:56am
I do not know if I would call him mentally-ill but you could say that. My mother says that he is mentally depressed and is communicating the same to us, unaware of it. As a child, I was beaten for small things like doing a math sum wrong or stuff like that. But, I guess as I am getting older, it is getting better. He lashes out sometimes but not very often now. I have so many pages of my journal filled with episodes when I was feeling mad at him and have just cursed him through out my writings. The reason of his mental disturbance is actually his father who was more or less the same in behavior. I think a psychologist or a counselor should be appointed in offices too (just as schools) because adults have more problem in coping with their emotions and often vent them out in a wrong or inappropriate manner.
ASilentVoice
April 10th, 2019 5:48am
It's difficult but the trick is understanding their limitations and creating appropriate boundaries. That means pulling back when it becomes too much for you and communicating your love for them despite this. Accept your frustrations even if you can't communicate them. Care for them when you can and build up a support system with family and close friends where you get the care they can't give. It helps to know what they are struggling with; if they have a diagnosis, study it and look to forums and groups for people that deal with it to get a more personal opinion on it. Remember that you are not alone.
NexMains
April 25th, 2019 2:36am
It can be really difficult to help support a parent who is going through a tough time or has a mental illness. As their child, you have a unique opportunity to support your parent(s) by showing how much you care for them. Helping out around the house is a good way to do this. However, it is important not to get too worried about trying to 'cure' their illness; that is the job of a professional. Your primary focus should be to maintain your health and happiness, and know when you should seek outside help for yourself or for others (including the parent in question).
15Kenzi
June 30th, 2019 5:03am
Living with a mentally ill parent can be sheer hell. The same applies to husband and wives, or the siblings. Mental illness reaches out and touches many. There are a few people who can stay regulated, if they commit to taking their meds as prescribed, and not stop when they begin to “feel better.” Family or a friend utilized for a support system will definitely help them stay on course, IF they open up and talk about their fears, or not feeling up to par.,~ when they notice that something is not right . It is quite difficult but possible. I wish you luck :)
FrostWire
January 8th, 2020 11:00pm
First; what kind of illness is this? If you could research it, could you place your own mental position in a more befitting place? This could possibly add more value to you as the child in this situation. How long have you been asking this one question? If it's been more than a few months; can you gain access to the parents words on certain things that make your life difficult to a point in which, that you need their own statements towards your relationship? Also, is there anything that you yourself could change other than self harm to help in a peaceful way? I believe you and I have a great purpose; but, can we remind ourselves what that purpose is when it pertains to child to parent situations?
EngyRamadan
February 27th, 2020 8:15am
This is a perfect question for me because my mom suffered from paranoid schizophrenia my entire life. Honestly, it took me until I was over 18 to find the right way to live with her. My entire life I resented her for not being like all the other moms, I was constantly embarrassed and hated her. What I really recommend, is therapy because its not something anyone can really live with without another form of guidance, because you're missing a mom and your dad is dealing with the stress of a mental illness of a spouse. In therapy I learned what its like from her point of view (which was the opposite of what I thought) and skills to be patient and that I myself am not crazy.
Hanaa00
March 12th, 2020 6:33am
This is very difficult to answer, and I guess it depends on a type of a mental illness that a parent has. Of course, this kind of a situation can often make a person feel stuck and hopeless, as living with a mentally ill parent is sometimes challenging. However, aside from remembering that they are suffering in their mental illness and thus providing them with proper love, care, and compassion, we also have to be able to take care of ourselves and to not forget that our time dedicated to us, hobbies, self care, priorities etc is just as important.❤️
blueskiesforyou
March 28th, 2020 11:21pm
Living with a mentally ill Parent is a serious issue and challenge. It is one that you can not take on alone for your own safety and mental health. You are not to blame for your parents mental health issues and you alone can not fix or address them. You can be supportive but you can not be the only one helping your parent. You can also find a trusting person that you can talk with and tell them about your concerns and what is going on in your home. I suggest speaking with a teacher , coach, doctor or other medical professional. You have to care for yourself and not blame yourself
hopefulArrow2212
May 28th, 2021 7:23pm
You just have to be very very patient with them. It also depends on the type of mental illness your parent has. It is best not to provoke any ill or strong negative emotions in your parent as they are probably confused and unable to control their own behaviour and/or actions to some or a great extent, and upsetting them may lead to them accidentally hurting themselves or others, depending on how severe their condition it. If you really are unable to deal with it, seek help from other family members to share the load or if you don't have anyone, seek help from social services to help you find someone who can look after or at least watch your parent when you are not home. Senior daycare facilities, nursing homes and retirement villages are other options you may want to consider.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2021 5:19pm
Living with a mentaly-ill parent can be challenging and definitely not an easy task. But please remember, you are not alone, you are loved, you are heard, and you are understood. I will provide few tips on how to manage living with a mentally-ill parent. 1. Remember, mentally-ill parents are ill! They do not mean any of their behavior, however, that does not mean it is not damaging to a child. If your parent needs immediate help like if they are a threat to themselves and/or others, contact the police/social services. This might be hurtful to do and might take a lot of courage BUT it is the best for both your parent and you. You will not be in trouble but you will be a brave child that just saved the situation. 2. Create a support group. Whether that's a friend, a teacher, a relative, seek out for help from someone you trust. 3. Consider counseling for your parent, your family and you. Talk to an adult about this. 4. Medical treatment for your parent, again talk to an adult about this. 5. Make sure you are not falling behind with school work or extracurricular activities. If your parent cannot help you with that, talk to your teachers or again your support group. 6. Have a me-day! Have a day each week, where you can go out with your friends, play your favorite sport, sing your heart out, basically, anything that makes you happy. 7. During heated arguments, do not argue back with your parent! Again, if your parent is not a threat to themselves or you, do not argue back. Try to listen to what they are saying and be patient about it. Do not waste time or energy. Remember to take deep breaths and remember they are ill. 8. Give love to your parent and let go of the anger. Again, if your parent is independent and stable and has a support network, consider moving out in few years. If your parent needs your help, seek help from your support group and follow all the above steps. 9. YOU MATTER THE MOST. You need to be emotionally and mentally healthy in order to cope with your parent. This is not your fault and you are heard and loved. Be patient through the process and seek help from your support group. :) 10. 7-cups is always here to listen!
Anonymous
April 8th, 2021 4:41pm
You can help them in unexpected ways by taking care of them and showing them compassion in different ways. It is hard to live with parents like this but if you really do care, compassion is all they need to realise you and they also need help in their mentality. Mentally - ill parents mean extra work for you so being positive with them will make them positive. In other words, stay optimistic and they will too just like any other normal human being. I hope this message helped you a lot and I wish you a great day :P