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How do I make myself feel better when I'm not the problem?

13 Answers
Last Updated: 01/07/2019 at 11:31am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Maria Wasielewski, Master of Arts in Counseling and Guidance, University of Arizona

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am inspired when working with clients, who are facing challenging life experiences, to be able to help them to develop the needed skills to live their best possible life!

Top Rated Answers
March 4th, 2015 4:01am
When things are outside of our control, it is hard to feel like we have any solution at all. Acceptance is key for me, and the best way I can accept that I have no control over something, is to turn my attention to something I can do. If my friends and family, or a situation is outside of my control, I first recognize that fact, and then I clean my house, go out for dinner and a movie, I work towards a goal, color, sing, etc. I help someone who needs it. Whatever it is that I am doing, I make sure it is something that will both distract me and pull me into the present moment.
August 16th, 2016 9:50am
I will first tell myself that "Relax; don't judge yourself because you are not the problem. You're not the one causing it so no need to feel guilty and if you feel guilty, that is creating your own problem when there should be none and it might just add to the existing problems (especially if you are not being cooperative by focusing your energy on negativity). It's a good thing that you care about the problem. That shows that you're perfectly human. But you have the right to assert your boundaries. However, if this problem is really affecting you (not just emotionally), then you have to address it to the one who can solve it. Be kind and reasonable when you approach that person but be firm too that the problem needs to be solved."
March 4th, 2015 4:58pm
Know you are made just how you were supposed to be. You're not the issue, It's not you're fault. You are fantastic.
April 13th, 2015 3:23pm
Tell yourself you are not the problem ! keep saying ! iam not the problem , eventually you will feel better.
April 16th, 2015 5:52pm
I know we don't have control of everything in our lives and all of the external forces that put pressure on us, but there are still ways that we can protect ourselves from those forces and stressors. And protecting yourself starts on the inside. If you are feeling down, that means that there is something going on inside of you. You might not be the problem, but something inside is allowing you to have those negative feelings. Sometimes we just can't help it. There are people and situations that make us upset, overwhelmed and frustrated all the time, and there are voices in our heads that tell us we're not happy, or good enough. But we don't have to listen to people or those voices. How do you make yourself feel better? Well, I think that starts with taking a look at two things: both yourself, and the problem. What is it about the situation, person, or stress that is making you feel down? Why are they affecting you so much? Is there something going on emotionally that might need work? How is it affecting you? Can you remove yourself from it? What is it about that specific person or situation or stress that is making you not feel good? Can you remove yourself from it? Can you discuss the situation with someone and try to remedy it?
June 16th, 2015 3:58am
Just tell yourself , that you didn't do any mistake or anything wrong , so you are not the problem .
September 6th, 2015 6:32pm
There isn't a one answer fits all for this question. You can do the things that you always do when you want to make yourself feel better if its something that is positive. Such as shopping or hanging out with a friend or talking to somebody you trust about the situation. Whatever it is that works for you.
September 24th, 2015 1:16am
You need to understand that you are being the best person you can and no one should make you feel otherwise. Gain some self-confidence and show people that little thing don't affect you
February 1st, 2016 11:46am
Talk to the person who is the problem and try and resolve things? Don't blame yourself since you're not the problem ... since you did the right thing just try and tell yourself that you shouldn't have to feel bad over all this.
April 26th, 2016 2:32am
It does not matter who is the problem the important thing is that you are responsible for your own happiness just as others are for their own. Don't let others be responsible for your happiness.
June 26th, 2018 6:46am
Just know that you are only capable of controlling how you react. You have absolutely no control over how others act, so as such, you should not let their actions dictate how you feel. I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but what has helped me in the past is knowing that my mood can be change by simply smiling and getting the seratonin running through my brain!
July 31st, 2018 12:53am
Make a list of your good qualities, take a good look in the mirror and say " I am Great, I wasn't built to please the world"
January 7th, 2019 11:31am
You know you're not the problem, yet that feeling won't go away. It will always eat you deep. But hey, the more you're feeling like you're the problem, the longer the feeling of insecure will linger. Just believe in yourself, that you're not the problem. Believing in yourself won't hurt the world. No matter how hard you'll think it is, always think of yourself first. Make yourself happy, and you won't regret the next actions you'll take. If you're happy, other people's thought won't bother you, and you can be whoever you want to be. Just live in the moment and be free!