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How do I set healthy boundaries with my family members?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 04/17/2018 at 9:24pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Counseling and psychological services are my passion more than my work, It is all about love, and love is the only real value.

Top Rated Answers
sleepingKitten101
January 4th, 2015 8:15am
Talk to them. Say, "Hey guys and gals, we need to set some boundaries. There are some things going on here that I am not comfortable with and that needs to change."
WolfImmortal
September 7th, 2015 10:56am
Get them to talking tables! Sit and talk, and tell em what bothers you the most about their actions. All the problems in the world can be solved if we talk to each other instead of talking about each other. And sign an unofficial agreement on a piece of paper after the meeting is over, clearly mentioning all that you desire from em. It's a give n take world. For eg. - If you don't want your family members to breach your private space without your permission, then you have to respect their privacy as well. Write it all and get it signed by all the members concerned. Good fences make good neighbors, and good boundaries make good family.
Breath
September 23rd, 2014 6:52pm
By making sure they understand that you are not a child anymore and can have your own life. Showing maturity, having a job and generally being a dependable person will earn their trust and they will respect your privacy.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2014 12:25am
Tell them how you feel! What are your triggers? What are theirs? Set a time to sit down and talk about it, and figure out what lines you would respectfully like them not to cross.
fionalee
November 8th, 2014 9:50am
You communicate what you need: what is or isn't okay with you? It can be a good idea to present alternative scenarios and their consequences, for example: "I need you to respect me when we talk. I'd like to talk with you often because I love you, but if you don't respect me, I will need to stop talking with you." This helps family members feel like you are giving them a choice, but still makes it clear where your boundaries are.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2014 8:16am
Learn to give each other space when needed and try to always be understanding when talking to them as you don't know what could be making them that way and to be understanding towards them it will give them comfort.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 10:17am
you've to serve your time with your family as possible as you can. always have time for your family. because family is the only one that accept us
Anonymous
December 4th, 2014 6:08am
Let your family know that you need some space at the moment and that you will bring them in when you are ready.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2014 5:58pm
You need to sit down with them and talk openly about what you want and how much space they should give you. Make sure not to lose temper. I hope it helps. :)
holdmeclosertonydanza
December 18th, 2014 6:58pm
Set some ground rules about what you are comfortable with, and if they say or do anything that you do not like or that makes you uncomfortable, address it so that they know to refrain from similar behavior in the future for your sake.
AtBothEnds
December 22nd, 2014 4:15pm
This is no easy task. Family units bring together different personalities and priorities, and boundaries are often tested more than once to reach a happy, functional place. This is why we need to be patient and firm. To avoid frustration, try remember that things are rarely personal and that you are not wrong for voicing your opinions, but ultimately you can only control yourself in the situation. Tell your family members how you feel about boundaries and why, no matter how obvious it may seem to you, explain it so there is no inch of doubt. Invite them to do the same, so you can understand where they come from. Do not invalidate each other or try to change the way a person feels. Be as receptive as possible. But ultimately, stay firm. Identify the things that are more important to you in terms of boundaries, the things that are at the core of what you want, and do not hesitate to repeat them if they are ignored. Some things can be altered or negotiated, but if you know what are the most important rules of engagement, you will be more assertive and you won't be defenseless.
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2015 10:46am
Healthy boundaries are set on the basis of your relation towards that particular person and also On the basis of VALUING Opinions of others. If you value and respect people's opinion then The boundaries will be set automatically.
Anonymous
July 7th, 2015 5:39am
Make sure you don't have lots of junk food in the house, or plan days where you all go out and do an activity like hiking, or the beach, you know to get out of the house.
DiaB
January 5th, 2016 7:41pm
First you must name what your limits are. Then you must stick to them. Be firm in addressing those who push the limits. Seek support for yourself when you feel that you are being pushed and use self care to keep yourself grounded. Boundaries are essential in all relationships, not just families.
Greatlistener87
April 26th, 2016 1:55am
Be honest to them, tell them what you like and dislike. Work together to make your home a better place and have your personal time as well to work with yourself.
Anonymous
April 25th, 2017 10:16pm
There is a great guide on boundaries in the self-help section. It also shows some videos from trained therapists. It also gives lists of different kinds of boundaries that could be established. The great thing is they are applicable to any situation as well.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2017 8:42pm
I set boundaries with my family members by having an open and relaxed discussion about what works well for me and what I believe is a positive dynamic for the relationship.
ruedabega13
April 17th, 2018 9:24pm
Be very open with what is and isn't okay. And let them know these things without getting angry or defensive. Also keep in mind that you might have to make some compromises in the beginning. Relationships are hard!