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How do I stop trying to compare myself to my older sibling?

27 Answers
Last Updated: 03/12/2019 at 6:42am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
ClaireyMarie
July 20th, 2015 11:55am
You need to realize that you and your sibling are not the same person. Your older sibling is not you, and you are not them. I'm sure you are both different in many ways, and I'm sure you have strengths that they do not, and vice versa. You are perfect the way you are, and you will do things the way you are meant to. No one feels good enough when comparing to other people, it's important to do things the way you feel best, and to be who you are. No one is better at being you than you are. :)
WolfImmortal
September 7th, 2015 11:42am
Comparison leads to suffering. There's no human being on planet earth who's not better than you in some aspect. If you compare yourself to others, you are bound to get sad, envious, frustrated or angry. We are different human beings with different DNA & genes. Comparing yourself with someone is like comparing apples with oranges. Compete with yourself! Be the best version of yourself!
Anonymous
March 12th, 2019 6:42am
There are several techniques. One may be challening your thoughts. When you have a comparative thought, stop yourself and gently compassionately remind yourself that you're not doing that anymore. Immediatley thnk of something good about yourself if you can, and move on with your day. Repeat. It will take some time, but it is possible to cease these habits. You will find that you may be comparing yourself in subtler and subtler ways, until it is barely on your mind. This again is just one of many possibilities. It's also possible that a deep understanding of why you compare yourself to your older sibling can lead you to clues as to how to change your perception.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2015 12:38pm
Never try to compare with anyone. You should know that you're special for who you are and not worry about what others are doing. Be the best at what you're doing.
Raziam
March 22nd, 2015 11:07pm
It may help if you start to think of yourself as an independent person. Ask yourself what you enjoy doing, what your dreams are and where you'd like to see yourself in the future. Knowing what you love and what you want to do with your life is the best way you can separate yourself from comparing to others, especially your siblings.
Anonymous
September 28th, 2015 10:45am
Learn that comparing is unfair. They're older, but it doesn't make you any different as a human. You are amazing the way you are. You shouldn't compare yourself.
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2015 1:00am
You want to be happy with yourself, it should not be about living up or becoming them. You are you and you are unique and special in your own ways. Find something you love and help yourself find you and define yourself as your own person. :)
Audrina1990
February 9th, 2016 6:39pm
Each and every one of us is a individual and no comparison can ever be made to another person as every single one of us is different. I am sure you possess skills which are unique to you and not your siblings, and vice versa. You have to find your individuality and express it as such.
Premisintheair
February 22nd, 2015 8:28am
Never to compare yourself with anyone, cause what you can do, your Sibling may not & vice-versa so be what you are & have respect to your older one like that u will have a name in your family
enjoyiableParadise16
March 12th, 2015 8:55pm
Well I'd say first off learn what you can do. It is easier to look on what you feel on the inside anyway so acting like what they do interferes with what you do will make you think that you are worse than the, when actually it is difficult to compare two human beings as we are all equally amazing!
optimisticPond54
May 9th, 2015 7:57pm
Every man or woman is different. Just because you are family, doesn't mean you should necessarily be the same. You are all different!
HelpfulNick95
July 7th, 2015 5:57pm
I personally often have this problem with my younger sibling who's in high school because he's smarter than me. Eventually I realized that he is who he is, and I am who I am, and I love who I am. The best thing to do to make sure you don't compare yourself to others is just simply love who you are. You don't need outside influences to make yourself better. You have everything you need to do that yourself, inside of you. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but not necessarily the same strengths and weaknesses.
Ksha97
August 4th, 2015 6:38am
I also have qualities that make me unique , I am also a human being, breathing in the same air and with the same color of blood, Maybe , I have qualities that my older siblings don't have, I must explore then , rather than comparing myself to my older siblings
PeaceForYou
August 4th, 2015 6:27pm
Possibly discovering what it is that your comparing would be a great starting point (is it looks, size, hair, knowledge.......). Once you have pinpointed this you could work on these areas that you feel you need to be better at although we are all our own person and we all have good points and bad points.
Drimezan
August 17th, 2015 8:28pm
Always remember this: You are unique in your own way. You are special in your own way. And people will love you for who you are than pretending to be someone you are not. Most of the time, we compare ourselves to other people because there is something that we want from them that we do not have on ourselves. It causes envy, jealousy and bitterness to creep in your mind and in your heart and is very destructive especially in our relationships. Yes it may be true that sibling rivalry will at some point happen in our lives but to counter that is to first acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and love yourself. Once you do, love your sibling just as you love yourself. It may sound difficult at first but it takes practice to love someone but you would have to choose to love before it would happen.
ActiveListener0809
August 31st, 2015 11:48pm
Try to shift the focus into comparing yourself to the person you were the day before. This way you can compete with yourself.
Beenthereseenthat
September 15th, 2015 10:49pm
You are your own person thoroughly. Always remember each one of us is unique and has a special quality to ourselves. Sometimes its hard not to compare ourselves to others we might look up to. Remember to always appreciate yourself for your own qualities. Chances are, your older sibling tries to compare themselves to you also. Try to focus on what you love about yourself and what makes you unique. Be proud of those things.
Anonymous
January 26th, 2016 7:41pm
It's natural to compare yourself. Comparing is not always a bad thing though! It can be a motivation , like friendly competition to excel in all areas of life! But it can also make you feel as though you are not as good as your older sibling , and I understand how that feels. Perhaps you could try and write down all your strengths and remind yourself that the two of you are different ... like apples and oranges you can't really compare !
cherishedFireworks66
June 13th, 2016 8:29pm
Try to remember that you are two very different people. You would both be good at your own thing. And don't forget that your siblings success doesn't invalidate youes.
Greatlistener87
September 13th, 2016 3:02am
You are yourself and that is unique. Imagine everyone being the same, how boring would that be. Appreciate who u are and make yourself the best as you are.
Anonymous
October 18th, 2016 10:22am
Being the younger one always feels like you are pampered less or maybe given less chances like your elder sibling. But realising that it really doesn't matter if your are pampered more or less, you have one more person whom you can talk freely..Many times you can learn from your elder siblings' mistakes. Love your sibling because they love you too equally :)
fantasticUnicorns80
December 5th, 2016 7:29pm
Well, I don't have an older sibling, but I have an identical twins sister, who is one minute younger then me. I do think it's hard to not compare yourself, but you have to try to be proud of you, and what you can do. You don't need others to be proud of you, or to acknowledge your accomplishments. All you need to do is know you've done them. Who cares r older sister is super pretty and your not. Or who cares if your brother is on the A honor role and your not. You need to be able to be proud of yourself. That's a good first step to take. Trust me. I'm still figuring it out!😊
Anonymous
February 28th, 2017 8:20pm
Take a moment and breathe. Now, think about some of the things that you like to do. What draws you to the activity? What makes you want to keep doing it? Thank about your favorite foods, your favorite songs. Remind yourself that you are a person with likes, dislikes, and ideas. Now, every time you feel like you're comparing yourself to your sibling hardcore, take a minute to step back and think about these things.
justtryingtohelp82616
March 7th, 2017 2:29am
Just remember you are you and no one is better than you at being yourself. You are amazing just the way you are and nothing anyone says is going to change that
JustJoe
October 24th, 2017 1:40pm
Remember that your life and future are yours to shape and are not dictated by your sibling's successes. There are things you can do that they can't and sometimes those things won't necessarily be skills, but parts of who you are. You may be more empathetic than them, or more open-minded, and those natural traits that you gained as you developed are often overlooked when we think about what we can do well.
YourEllieMae
May 1st, 2018 9:53pm
See yourself as a different person than your sibling. You are your own person with your own gaols and your own thoughts. Comparing yourself to your sibling is like comparing and apple to an orange: same family but different fruits.
paristhomas66
December 24th, 2018 1:03am
I use to compare my self to my siblings because I use to think that they were perfect. Until I got old enough to know that being perfect is not not fun its just boring I love to do fun thing while they just sit around I realize that being me is the is so fun.I don't have to worry about anything I can just relax and have fun. Now I love being different look how far it brought me don't compare your self to them just be you it will only make you unhappy and frustrated,sad just be you