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How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?

161 Answers
Last Updated: 12/20/2020 at 8:16am
How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?
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United States
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Top Rated Answers
September 5th, 2018 4:08am
It's a matter of being straight forward, perhaps risking the emotion of your parents. If you're not religious as your parents are, you need to tell them that. For example 'I respect your beliefs but I want to persue my own and figure out what I want.' As long as you make it clear, presise and keep your words calm and filled with respect - they should understand. If they don't, it's wrong and it might seems like they don't have very much respect for you and what you want. You need to understand though that many parents want their children to follow in their footsteps and they want to mould them in to this perfct person. Just do what you think is best in regards to how your parents are. Remember to be honest, straight forward and respectful.
September 9th, 2018 12:31am
Parents usually share their beliefs with their children. As children grow up, they may want to follow their own beliefs. It causes stress when children don't want to adopt the parent’s beliefs. And it causes stress when children are forced to do something they don’t believe in. Communication and frank conversation is key. Let them know why you don't want to go to church and seek alternatives. Maybe you would like to go to a different church. Maybe you want to skip a few Sundays and take a break. You can also talk about something like this with your youth minister.
September 20th, 2018 4:32pm
Tell them you need to talk for a minute. Have a sit-down type of conversation. Start with how you used to feel about church then Tell them you have decided that this isn't you and explain why in a calm manner. If they object to keep calm and try to help them understand. Sometimes these things are tricky with parents and religion. But just try your best! Trust me I have been where you are and I have overbearing parents! Good Luck! I hope it works out for the best! If you need to talk through just contact me I'm always here.
September 21st, 2018 2:35pm
as someone who grew up going to church, i know how hard it can be to express that you don't want to go anymore. i would just express to them that you aren't benefiting from being at church right now, and that the more times they force you to go against your will, the more you will grow to resent it as you get older. if they really do want you go back to church one day, maybe this will help them. you could also dedicate some time to personal growth on your own during sunday mornings instead of going to church. just tell them that you need to discover who you are and what you believe for yourself. try to be as respectful as possible, and make sure to bring this up during a time when you are on good terms with them.
October 12th, 2018 11:14am
This can be a difficult one. I know for me, personally, telling my parents was a bit easier, because they are Hindu, and so in the religion, you can still reach enlightenment without being a follower of the religion. I think one of the most important things, is to remember that they want the best for you, and don't always understand what that is. They think that if you don't go to church, you will be damned. Maybe it will help if you explain to them that you not going to church doesn't mean you will be a bad person. Make sure they realise that you are still a moral person that will try to do the right thing, regardless of religion and going to church services. It seems logical to me, but often religious people do not believe there is goodness without religion. Also, maybe try to explain to them what you don't agree with, about going to church. Try not to attack the religion, though...that doesn't go down well.
December 1st, 2018 2:57pm
That very a hard very hard thing to do but it pays much to tell the truth...I dnt want to its better telling the truth. Maybe you dnt feel like going or maybe you feel tired or maybe you'd rather like to have your sermons on TV....Or maybe you have one chance only something and if you miss it, that will be all then you can explain it to them...they will understand. You can have your ow time praying or maybe you can then return to church the on upcoming church service of your church if nothing happens.
December 16th, 2018 2:46pm
I understand how this can be very hard to talk about with your parents that possibly don’t share the same beliefs as you or that want to enforce their beliefs on you. For this particular chat that you would like to have with your parents, you would have to have a sort of “family meeting” between you and your parents. Explain to them seriously why you don’t want to go to church (if your uncomfortable, you don’t share the same beliefs as them...). And try to make them understand that it is something that you really don’t want and that it has been bothering you for the time being.
February 7th, 2019 9:13am
i have experienced something similar with my parents before and it was hard for me as i assume it is for you. make sure you let them know your not trying to brush them wanting you to go to church off let them be heard. listen to what they have to say and accept it and reciprocate with your own feelings and personal views. make sure they feel as if their views and wishes are being listened to clearly. you know yourself and your parents a lot better than me and this is your situation.
February 8th, 2019 8:48am
Sit down with your parents and explain best you can in your own words why you don't want to go to church. If it helps you could always write down why it is you don't want to go, why your reluctant or the feelings involved, this can help you understand the feelings yourself which can make it easier to explain to others. If it is less scary you could approach the conversation with each parent instead of having the same conversation with them together. Doing this could reduce the level of anxiety because you aren't worried about what both would say at the same time
February 16th, 2019 2:25am
I think you need to tell them the truth. You need to tell them the reason you do not want to go to church. You need to ask yourself these questions first though Is it the church? Is there something about your families religion that isn’t working for you? Do you not like religion? Once you understand your motives you’ll know what steps to take next. You can try saying this "I understand that faith is important to you, and I'm not abandoning it or you, but I don't feel like I'm getting what I need from the weekly services"
February 21st, 2019 2:31pm
I think the first place to start is being open and honest. Find a time where you can sit down with them and have a conversation. Sometimes it helps to make yourself a list so you know what you need to say and are able to get everything out. The most important thing is being open and honest and upfront with them. Explain what you need in a clear way. If the conversations starts going ways that you dont want it is okay to take a step back and start again do what you need to do for your own mental health as well
February 22nd, 2019 8:56pm
I understand that it can be hard to tell your parents that you do not want to do something that you have been raised doing. Going to church is one of these things that people have different opinions on. If you are able to talk to your parents and make them understand why you do not want to attend church anymore they should understand. However, if they do not then it is okay to try and explain it to them again. If your parents have be brought up going to church then it may be hard for them to comprehend why you do not want to go and that is okay, you will just need to be patient and help them understand why you feel this way.
May 12th, 2019 1:05pm
Maybey try and speak to them together. Go for a walk with them or actually go to the church one time and speak to them there. Try and understand that this is there religion and belief so always respect it mention this first and ask them to respect your beliefs and feelings explain the details of how you feel about going to church. You don't have to be firm or scared there your parents. There should be a bond of trust where you shouldn't feel agitated to tell them something. Think about plan what your going to say before you say but try not to offend them at the same time.
May 29th, 2019 5:52am
Just be honest and upfront and tell them you don’t believe in this stuff, respectfully so that their response will be respectful. In under stand that it may be hard, but I promise you won’t regret it! They may try to convince you other wise of your decision, but they will learn that you are growing and need to be let change on your own, as your opinion is your opinion. If they react with anger or disappointment, they are probably in shock and you should probably stay away from the topic for a while, and after it is calmed down gently bring it up again, and hopefully they will act more calmly. Good luck!
July 31st, 2019 5:34pm
When having this conversation, never make it about your parents. Take care to not get angry and to not criticize the religion of your parents, because that will only escalate the situation. Instead, use "I" statements, such as "I don't feel comfortable going to that church" or "I respect your beliefs and would appreciate if you could also respect mine". That way, you are not personally attacking either your parents or their religion, but just requesting that you can be your own person and have your own beliefs. I hope this helps and that your parents will be understanding.
August 7th, 2019 4:45pm
Faith is a very sensitive topic for many people, especially if they're very strong in their faith. I would suggest asking them if you can talk to them. Then sit them both down and say "mom, dad, I understand that your faith is very important to you. I don't want to go to church with you anymore." Then go on to explain why it is that you don't want to go to church. Try and stay calm and explain your ideas. If it would help you, you could make a power point to show them. Then you just have to present the power point to them.
August 16th, 2019 1:49pm
In most western culture countries religion and belief are something everyone can choose on their own. Parents may want a child to get into a certain belief, but it's not in the law to follow your parents beliefs and religion!
September 26th, 2019 9:39am
Beginning to say "No" to your parents is difficult - we all know that. When it comes to religion, and religious beliefs, the saying "No" gets multiplied by about a million. Telling your parents straight up "I don't want to go to church" could offend them, and this could result in them becoming annoyed or stressed out. There is no best course of action here - you are the expert of your own situation. How do your parents react in similar situations? How do you think they would react if a sibling told them? You know how your parents will react better than anyone else does... I wish you all the best.
October 18th, 2019 6:58am
Well first understand why you don't want to go to church. Is there something about church you don't like? If you have a good reason on why you don't want to go to church, then you can make a better point to your parents on why you don't want to go to church. But lets say that you don't have a good reason why you don't want to go to church. Well then really just have a chat with them and tell them you don't want to go. Speak from your heart and tell them what's on you're mind about this topic. If they still say no, then try to find the brighter side of the situation.
November 16th, 2019 1:43pm
It can be hard for family to understand when you don’t feel the same way as them religiously, especially when this is something close to them. It might help to start by having a reason not to go that they are happier with - for example, you need to study. Over time it will start to feel more normal to them to not have you with them at church, and they may be satisfied as to why. When you’re feeling comfortable, try to tell them calmly that you don’t feel like you want to go to church anymore. Tell them in a normal way without big gestures. It may help to talk over this conversation with someone you trust beforehand.
March 6th, 2020 2:19am
Try and have a sit down talk with them. Perhaps if you explain what your reasoning is they will be understanding and allow you not to go. Try and be civilized during the conversation and if things don't go your way just remember your parents are doing their best in their minds to make sure you are raised the best they can. I really hope the talk goes well for you and remember that you have friends here at 7 cups if you ever need to talk about difficult situations! We are here for you to help and listen
March 14th, 2020 3:31pm
You may start by telling them that maybe this isn't the right religion, or you don't feel comfortable going to church.Or maybe that you want to stop going to church to explore other options. If your parents ask you why, you may say that maybe church isn't the atmosphere for you, or that going to church doesn't capture you attention, or satisfy your needs. This may also depend on why you don't want to go to church anymore. But it will be good to express your feeling to you mom or dad or guardian. Communication is they key to a good relationship.
March 20th, 2020 5:39pm
Hey and thank you for reaching out :) As a disclaimer, if you are afraid to tell your parents because there's any violence (verbal as much as physical) in your family or that you might have to fear punishments, please stay safe and consider talking to someone that might be able to support you. Well, on the other hand, there's just good ol' parents that are Christian themselves and are used to you going to church with them. In that case, I recommend talking to your parents about your views regarding religion. Maybe you have stopped believing in God for a specific reason or in general and talking to your parents about it can be a great relief because they will want to understand why you are unwilling to go to church anymore while knowing that you still respect their belief and point of view. Growing up means developing your own personality and views, and not all of them will be like those of your parents. Maybe you could pick up the topic with a discussion, then moving on by telling your opinion about it and that you are unsure about religion / sure that you are not believing in God anymore / don't support the church you are in? I wish you best of luck!
March 21st, 2020 7:57am
it's definitely difficult to explain personal thoughts and beliefs to religious parents, at least in my experiences. if you are just honest with them and tell them that you're uncomfortable, they might be more willing to listen. you might need to compromise at first, but gradually they will understand. there was a point in my life where my mom was making me go to church even though i was an atheist. i was honest with her and told her that the judgemental people in the church were just too much to be around each sunday, and she listened to me. she gave me a bit to get more comfortable with the idea before making me go again.
March 26th, 2020 6:47am
Hey! I see that you are feeling confused and its totally fine to feel the way you are! There might be some personal reason on why you dont want to go to church and i totally respect it. But no one knows better than yourself. Bravo for seeking help here i can see that you have courage. Just like that if you sit and calmly think about how you can overcome this situation in the way you can, then i am sure you will figure it out. Know that i am here for you and i hope you will find you way! Take care and do seek help again when you feel to:)
March 28th, 2020 9:42pm
Religion and spirituality are deeply personal issues that most people wrestle with as they begin to develop their own core values. Young people in particular struggle with independence and want to explore what it's like to be separate from their parents' ideologies. Telling your parents that you don't want to go to church may be met with disapproval or, it may not. Be prepared for your parents to say "no" and then, make sure you have your reasons all in a row for why you have made this decision. Let them know that you respect them but right now, you wish to explore your spiritually perhaps in a more quiet and distanced manner. If they still insist that you go, offer a compromise. Perhaps for attending church with them, they let you have a special night out with your friends.
April 3rd, 2020 5:43am
Have you thought about this carefuly? It's in your right to choose your own belief. Gently starting the topic with your parents and explaining your reasons would be a good way to start and being honest. Do your best to also understand their side and be clear about your reasons. They might see it at a different light if they can't see the importance of it, try to say how it affects you. Just calmly tell your reasons and hope that they will understand it can be hard but if you truly want aomething to happen it will be worth it
April 16th, 2020 10:35pm
Advocating for yourself can be challenging, especially when it comes to those closest to you. But self-peace is the first step to healthy communication with others. It is important to be at peace with yourself and your decision even if others disagree or have a differing morality. You know your parents better than we do, what questions or concerns may they have? Are you prepared to answer them? Sometimes people can surprise you, do not let fear prevent you from vocalizing your values. Everyone deserves to have a voice, and every voice deserves to be heard. Be slow to speak and quick to listen, you will know what needs to be said.
May 13th, 2020 8:53am
I have been in the same position as you. It is not the easiest thing to tell you parents, especially if they are super religious. What I did was I told them that I wasn’t comfortable at the church they were going to. I told them the reasons why and ended the conversation by telling them I needed a break from the church. They did not take it seriously and tried to pray constantly but I did not budge. They threatened me but I told them that I was not rejecting church, but that I just needed to take a break for a while. I think the uncertainty of it uneased them but I told the truth and they understood that.
May 13th, 2020 9:08pm
I have been through this situation before as well. However, you know your parents best, and I bet you know how to get through to them, to where they will be able to see your perspective. You can try sitting down and talking with them by telling them exactly how you feel. I am sure once they hear your side of things, and the emotions that you are feeling, they will take that into account, and hopefully look at things differently. Just remember that your emotions and beliefs are always your own, despite what you may have been taught.