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How do you let go of relationships that are harming you, and come out unscathed?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 07/13/2020 at 10:18am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
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Graham Barrone, Adip ICHP, MCBT


If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat.

Top Rated Answers
March 23rd, 2015 4:52pm
We often get into relationships without considering the traits necessary to build a good one. Several actions can be taken to rid ourselves of negative relationships. First, you can attempt to fix the relationship. You can change how your relationship works—be it marriage, friendship, or family—without completely ditching the relationship. Or, if you’re unable to change the relationship, you can end it altogether. This is incredibly difficult, but it applies to any relationship: family, friends, lovers, coworkers, acquaintances. If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them “This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it—I must move on.”
March 30th, 2015 2:48pm
This is a tough question that so many people have to deal with. The big problem is that there is no one way to answer it. People love others without needing any explanation or logic, so when that relationship becomes damaging or harmful, how can one tell their brain to just stop loving the other person? You can't really, but you can try to keep from thinking about them. Our memories and thoughts are only so accurate, because each time we call them back our brains tweak them the tiniest bit, making the different from when they actually happen. Over time this can cause memories of pain and hurtful situations and distort them, making someone think that maybe it really WAS their fault, maybe they shouldn't have done that, when i reality they never did anything wrong. The best way to avoid it happening it to just keep busy. Don't contact the other person and just live your life for yourself. In the long run it gets you out of a relationship that really does more harm than help.
April 20th, 2015 6:18am
All break ups are hard. Ending things and saying goodbye to someone you care about is bound to hurt. Not all relationships last forever. We learn something from every relationship we have and grow from that. Try to focus on the positive side of breaking up rather than dwelling on the hurt.
May 4th, 2015 7:32pm
There are very few ways to come out of a harmful relationship completely unscathed, however, if you convince yourself that not being in that relationship is truly for your benefit then it becomes much easier to let go and move on with your life.
May 27th, 2015 1:09pm
You should inform yourself about destructive/toxic/abusive relationships, and try to find all the info you can to help you. What helps most people is also to connect to others - be it in forums or real life. It will give you strength to listen to stories of others who got out. Proceed carefully, getting out can endanger you depending on what type of partner you have. Be sure to avoid getting into any violent/harmful situation.
June 10th, 2015 8:09pm
There's no definite way of guaranteeing that a person will come out unaffected from a harmful relationship. Some may be negatively affected, and this may come out in their behaviour or emotions later on other may turn it into something positive, and choose to see it as a lesson and move on in a better direction, focusing on themselves. Sometimes it can also be more helpful to look at how it is harming you, and consider the 'pros and cons' when considering letting go. If you know you're going to be better off without, only you can make that huge step. But, ultimately, emotions aren't predictable and so you can only know the answer by finding out for yourself and maybe having some support to help you through the process.
June 17th, 2015 1:23pm
Maybe talk to them and explain and then just block everything that has to do with the person or maybe without talking,just block them if its so hard
August 4th, 2015 7:06am
I have learned that forgiveness is much more for the person forgiving rather than for the offender. It allows me to let go of the hurt that's weighing me down. I try to view the other person as a human being, and externalize the reasons they are acting in ways that harm me that are not personal to me. I pray for help forgiving them, and eventually I do. If I can tell they are not able to stop being harmful, then I just stop talking with them. You can forgive someone, even if they won't/can't stop what they are doing to hurt you. I did this for my dad, who is a severe alcoholic. I was on a dangerous path to becoming an enabler, like my mom was, but when he started drinking again I established a boundary that he couldn't live with me any more. We are still able to meet out for lunch, and for now this seems like the best thing for both of us. I stopped comparing him to other fathers and resenting him for not giving me what I think he should have. I realize that he is barely capable of taking care of himself, so it's unrealistic and unproductive to blame him for not taking care of me. I make an effort to remember the good things he does, because I know they're his best, and remember the bad only enough to remember why my boundaries are there.
November 17th, 2015 8:34pm
There is no way to let go of someone or a relationship with someone without coming out wounded in some form or another. Those we truly love we will always love, it will always hurt to know you had to let go of that person. However, it's better than the hurt you experienced with that person.
December 21st, 2015 12:14am
There's no such thing, love is a gamble and heartbreak is always a possibility. The key is how you handle yourself after the breakup to get back to a happy place and with the support from friends and family this process should be easier
December 27th, 2015 3:33am
Most relationships you will come out with a few scars no matter how great they seem or seemed to be. Though, if you really feel as thought you are in danger the best thing to do is quit that person or people "cold turkey." Cut off all contact and try to avoid them as best you can. If you really do need to be around or contact them make sure you have someone else with them and record all communication if you feel as though they may harm you.
December 27th, 2015 10:53am
Try to avoid them as best as you can and record all communication if you feel as though they may harm you
January 19th, 2016 5:41am
Face the truth. When something hurts you it can't be good for you. You'd surely get what you deserve. It may be tough but you'll have to let go. Coz there is no other way.
May 10th, 2016 2:28am
You have to remember that you are responsible for your own happiness and if you are not happy then you should be responsible enough to leave and realize that you deserve better. When you are out of the relationship you will need the time and effort to cure and this is the part that you have to be the strongest for yourself to achieve better.
May 23rd, 2016 6:36am
You can't come out unscathed that's the thing about relationships, someone is definitely going to get hurt. But it's better to let go off a relationship that is truly hurtful because when you move on, you're going to look back and realize that you made the right choice. So letting go by just ending things and seeking help if it gets worse.
July 13th, 2020 10:18am
hey hon! i'm really sorry you have had to go through an abusive relationship! getting hurt by someone whom you love makes you a different person, you feel hurt, you feel pain and u are afraid to trust anyone else. i cant tell you that you'd come out of it unscathed but what i can tell you from personal experience is that it will be over, not everyone in the world is going to hurt you, you will find someone in your life who will love you and protect you like this person was supposed to, what i can tell you is that you will be even stronger and brave than you already are and also you'll still be the beautiful person that you are now! i wont say that you'll forget about it but you definitely will be able to learn to live with it as time goes on and you will meet someone who will light up your world! :))