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How to forget the pain inflicted by your own mother and learn to forgive?

4 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2019 at 8:06pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
usefulFish33
March 18th, 2019 8:06pm
It is really difficult to forgive the pain that your mother has inflicted to you. She is your mother, the one who gave birth to you, the one who is supposed to protect you against the cruel world. But most of the time, if you take the time, and if you try to understand the life of your mother, you will probably find out that she has been through a lot. Maybe during her youth, she has been told that she was ugly and worthless, and ended up doing the same thing on you because this is the way her own mother "loved" her, because this is the only way she has been taught to "love" and doesn't know anything else. Maybe it is her genetics, she is depressed, always hopeless, exhausted, crying, maybe with addiction problems that hurts you. In that case, and it is hard, I have been through it myself with my own mother, you really have to learn how to separate the depression from your mother, the addiction from your mother. Your mother is not her addiction nor her depression. She is ill, would you blame someone who have cancer? No, because she didn't choose to be the way it is. And be sure that she is like she is because this is the best way she found to cope with this demanding, fast paced, stressful world. Nevertheless, you are not to forgive everything. Forgiving doesn't mean you are to accept any kind of abusive behavior. You have to respect yourself first and foremost and set boundaries. Sometimes, it is more about accepting the way things are, and sometimes the best thing to do, is to stay away from poisonous persons, even if that person is your mother. Maybe seeing them now and then for a visit and to take some news. We don't choose our parents, but we can choose the way we interact with them, and with the help of time, maybe find peace.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2017 8:04pm
As a person who is currently going through this same thing, I can tell you this, that forgiveness is your own. It is for you. Forgiveness means that this person does not owe you anything further. That they are no longer in debt to you. Forgiveness is personal, and it is for you, not her. You continue to heal, and through that healing, will come the ability to allow yourself the freedom from that pain.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2018 8:58pm
Forgivness can be hard sometimes, and learning to forgive can be pretty hard. It took me a while to learn how to forgive. My parents separated me from a girl I loved, and I was really mad. I soon remembered that my mom just loves me and wants to protect me. Your mother loves you, and if you remember that, sometimes forgiveness comes a little easier.
hopefulWhisper21
April 24th, 2018 12:52am
It is not necessary to forget the pain, as pain is often times what moulds you as a person. Take that pain and turn it into passion. Passion for things to change. Also, just because you may learn to forgive does not mean you have to forget.