How to stop hating your little brother?
Last Updated: 04/04/2021 at 5:06pm
Traci Seery, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Are you living your best life? My style is collaborate, supportive and compassionate. Together, we will develop goals that produce positive results to make your life better.
Top Rated Answers
Sounds like you're feeling a lot of anger. Would you like to share with me what your brother does to you that triggers feelings of hate?
Think everyday about the little things you don't hate about your little brother. Just write them down, or say them out loud.
Figure out why you hate him. Is it really because of him or how your parents treat the two of you? Do you feel he's more favored?
From experiencing the exact same challenge in my own life, I can say with utmost confidence that what was most helpful to me was focusing as hard as I did on becoming a person I could truly be proud of, and doing so by getting better and better at showing love to others at all times, even in the face of adversity. To those who sought to do me harm or be hurtful influences in my life, I realized that the thing that was holding me back from becoming that ultimate version of myself was the desire to have people think, feel, act, and speak in the ways that were congruent with the standard I was choosing to hold on to about life. This included speaking to me with kindness and respect, acting towards me with companionship and a desire to do things my way, and reacting to me with admiration or other forms of positive attention. After putting forth an effort to be more sincere about the meaning behind the choices I was making, I realized that, by holding on to those expectations, I was being unloving towards others by intruding upon their own ability to make their own choices. I realized that no one is obligated to do the things I want them to do or in the way I want them done, nor is anyone else obligated to find any value in the choices I myself make in life, and expecting them to yield to an obligation that didn't exist was preventing me from being in tune to ways in which I could truly be helpful to others. I feel that help, as with love, should be unconditional; I don't see it as truly helpful when someone assists another person with something, but only to get something out of them in return, even the reaction of appreciation or the guarantee that they'll use the help to better their own life. Rather, I feel that one is truly loving when they approach others in a way in which they only want to improve their ability to do good and show kindness, and whatever the other person wants to make of it, that's up to them. It is simply known that, when an opportunity arises to be helpful - and, as such, be loving - to someone, one should grow their ability to be helpful by taking advantage of those opportunities. That's what I wanted to do - grow my ability to recognize opportunities to be helpful to others, then have the courage to take them, even in the face of adversities like cruelty or the refusal to be appreciative. I felt, and still feel, that if I could get good at that, at being someone who's never afraid of and can never be deterred from being helpful by showing love and kindness, then I could, with absolute sincerity, call myself someone I was proud of being. As I now live my life in that way, reacting in that way towards my own little brother, he still chooses to be the hurtful and abusive person he always has been, but his efforts no longer reach me like they used to, nor do I feel inadequate or at a loss with myself after I've reacted to his cruelty. I speak and act only in loving, peaceful ways, and while he gives me no indication that he acknowledges or appreciates any of my efforts, I still feel stronger inside, because I know that, even in the face of adversity, I had the courage and strength of will to demonstrate the knowledge I had gained about life - that at no time are we meant to be unloving towards one another, not even when we are denied love by others. My brother is free to make his own choices, and I have no power over that freedom. What I do have power over, though, are my own choices, and by choosing to always show love, I've become someone stronger, someone who isn't led astray by other peoples' desires to have me feel what they want or react to things in the ways they want. That's what I see as strength, and arriving at that level of strength all started by me being sincere about the weakness and lack of love in the choices I was initially making when I would hold on to hating my brother and wanting him to live up to the standards I was choosing to hold on to. By removing those standards from my life, I became aware of the fact that I am a guest in my brother's life, that I had no ability to change him to begin with, and at the same time, he was a guest in my life, and by holding on to my own confidence and demonstrating the simple things I knew to be true about life and love, he would be left with no ability to change me either.
if you want to stop hating your little brother or start loving him than focus on your maturity rather than his immaturity , start loving his immaturity rather than proud of your maturity....feel free to share him your problems and at least as he is your brother , he will try to sort it out. even if he started to hate you , you love him for some time than he will be yours forever because heart is meant for melting and after all who can understand better than your brother....thanks.
Just look at him and appreciate the fact that he is your blood and flesh and one of the most valuable human being around you, which will grow up and have your back indescriminately
Perhaps start to see the good in him, or rather what good he can be? Instead of seeing him as something worthy of your hate, because although on many levels you might feel he deserves that hate from you, it only makes you more hurt
Having feelings of dislike towards a sibling is really common, especially in younger years. When you live with people, such as your siblings, it can get very aggravating when they may be going through your things or getting into your business, because people as a whole are generally very private. All you should do is try and think of the reasons that you love your brother (e.g. think of the good things that he's done for you, or ways that he's shown you love) and know that as you get older and mature, your relationships will grow stronger!
Try seeking for their best not their bad. Theyre human. Humans do thing they are not sure if it fit everyone. Be generous, take it easy, understand them as a human being.
By trying to understand that our little brother's behaviour isn't personal. Remember what it was like to be his age..
How to stop hating your brother? Well what I will do is stay away from him. or find something you guess both like and see how you guys can come together. Like what do your brother do that you hate him.
I think you really have to stop and look at where he is coming from. Really spend time looking at the good in him. Talk to him about what you're upset with about him. Try to come to an understanding.
Of course, there could be many reasons as to why someone might "hate" a little brother, and even every person's definition of "hate" may vary. Ultimately, you know your feelings best. Do you feel frustrated about your little brother? Do you feel angry? Do you feel safe around your brother? Is there something you want to say to your little brother or to your parents but can't? Do you feel this way towards many others, or perceive that others feel this way about you? How do you feel about hating your brother? You seem to want to stop - do you not want to hate your little brother? I imagine not wanting to is an amazing first step. Ask yourself many questions, and be patient with yourself, and open with yourself, and try not to judge yourself too harshly for you can always start being the person you want to be. Eventually you may find a way to cope with your brother without feeling hatred. If it starts to interfere iwth your day-to-day life, it's okay to ask a counsellor or therapist for help.
I understand that younger siblings can be infuriating. The best solution is to imagine oneself in their place. As a child, we too seek the attention of our parents the way younger siblings seek the attention of their older sibling. Also, talking really helps. So spend some time with your younger sibling, making them aware that they matter to see you.
Practice empathy. Try to understand his motives, why he behaves that way. Watch his behavior closely and look for similarities with your own behavior when you were his age.
Little brothers can be annoying actually brothers are pretty annoying. Try spending time with him doing what he likes to do. Get to know him better,maybe he's just like you.
Try to remember that we were all children at one point, and at one point we were probably just annoying, I know I sure am to my older sisters.
Age depending, be honest with him that he's bugging you, but that you want to make it better. Ask him for his feedback on how to make the relationship enjoyable for you both. Sometimes acknowledging the "elephant in the room" allows both people to discuss what they think is causing it and what they think they can do to improve it.
Try and spending sometime with him go out and doing thing together. Just try talking to him and found out what he likes and maybe try those things and it might be fun and than your little brother can have fun together
As we grow up we tend to realize the mistakes we made in our past, this is because through experiences and age we mature. Your little brother is well, still little. He has not been through the same things you have been and so you may need to cut him some slack. Know that you need to be there to act as a guide if he chooses to seek you out, and try to put as little pressure on him to grow up in any specific way
That is a challenge I shall say ;) Remind yourself why you love your little brother, focus on the positive things he does and says, focus less on the negative. Talk with them when they do something that has bothered you, especially if it is to you.
I would say it depends on why you hate them. Sometimes I can feel really against my little sister, even if she has done nothing wrong. I have found that my reason for snapping at her (or anyone, really), always lies within me. Maybe I've had a bad day and need someone to vent to. Of course it is possible that there is a legit reason why you feel that way - in any case talking to someone (perhaps a Listener) always helps me.
Think of someone you looked up to. Now think if they wanted you around all the time. Maybe not? Little brother's look up to older siblings because they want to emulate and get away with the same things. reach taller things, wear nicer clothes, stay up late. How do you stop hating that? Find something great about them that you love. Teach them how to do things your way so they can follow what you're doing. Actually say, you need some alone time and explain WHY that's important. Try and include them when appropriate and depending on the age difference, if you're "boring" they'll go away and do something better again in no time. Be the positive influence. Your the older cool friend they know ;)
You can stop hating your little brother by realizing that he is younger than you and that will make you irritated from time to time. And it helps to remember that you were his age once and think if you were any better than him.
Learn to love your brother more. Take the time to do activities with him, create a stronger bond. Your little brother will grow to look up to you. You are his idol so you can try your best to treat him the way you would want to be treated. He will follow your steps. If you are wanting to improve yourself, learn to forgive and discipline yourself and your little brother. Remember that he is still growing and learning from his mistakes.
Well, it depends on the situation. But as far as hating him, just remembering that he is also a person with emotions, most likely similar to your own, having grown up in a situation with you. Unfortunately, you can't change someone's actions or who they are. But it's best to accept them as they are. Depression is caused by helplessness- feeling like you can't necessarily change something. Acceptance of that is important. Hatred does nothing but give someone unnecessary helplessness and anxiety. I hope this helps a bit! Have a lovely day.
Sometimes hate can be that temporary hate and sometimes it can be that unforgiving hate. First you need to decide what hate it is. And yes, that unforgiving hate does exist between blood. Why Because stuff happens. If it's that temporary hate you can talk it out. Of course depending on age. Saying it out loud helps. Because he might say why? and you have to list these reasons and then you think to yourself are these really good reasons to hate my little brother or is it all just trivial stuff. if it's that unforgiving hate then maybe thinking about forgiveness. It's hard but in the end hating someone is only hard on you.
In the experience of my friends with little brothers, they often hated their brothers because their lives were too intertwined. Every bad thing the brother said or did, had too much of an effect on the sister, they couldn't get away. My advice is to try to be more independent from the little brother. Spend more time apart, especially when you've had a tough day already. Take breaks, move to a different area of the house or go outside somewhere else. Since you're the older sister, you have to be the one to move because you have the most freedom and smarts. And remember, they're younger and less mature than you. Maybe try scheduling in time with your little brother so you can still have a relationship with them, but be mentally prepared each time. Then maybe the hate will slowly fade.
You have to stem down to the reason you think you "hate" him. Is it hate? Or do you envy him for some reason? In most cases, from what I've seen, older siblings that resent their younger siblings is not due to just hating them - it's jealousy. Do they get special treatment? Do you find your parents pay more attention to your brother than they do to you? In most cases, it's not hatred. It's jealousy. Focus on the reasons you think you resent him - and try to find a solution. If it's something to do with him receiving special treatment, talk to your parents. If you and your brother don't get along, talk to him, and try to fix things.
You tell yourself that it's okay if he annoys you, it's okay if he takes you to your limits, it's okay if he pokes into everything that you doing just due to curiosity, and it's okay if he at times makes you cry. Just know that he's your little brother, who hasn't seen the world as good as you. If he spoils your mood, you spoil him with your love. If he pokes into your business, poke his little nose as a mere act of affection. As you have a little brother, others don't. Appreciate what you have, and respect what you don't. At the end of the day, he's your brother who deep down surely looks up to you. Talk to him, tell him how you dislike certain things he does. Communication makes everything healthy.
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