How to stop hating your mother?
Last Updated: 02/26/2022 at 12:57am
Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC
Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
Top Rated Answers
Your mother is the reason you are alive, she went through 9 tough months and you need to appreciate her and be grateful. Its the first step you can take to stop hating her. Mothers can be annoying sometimes but despite that it doesn't take away who they really are. God put her in your life for a reason and hating your mother only pushes you away from her. Imagine how you would feel knowing your child hates you, it would tear you apart. Put yourself in your mum's shoes and imagine how she would be feeling. Its easier to understand and stop when you put yourself in her shoes. You realise what you are actually doing and it you see how wrong it is. It pushes you to stop Mothers are a blessing. Love yours no matter how good or bad she is
Need to learn to understand that the way she is acting has a reason, she sees things differently...she has hurt me so much, and I have to let go off the hurt and feel better myself and only then I can stop hating her
This is a subjective and loaded question, people develop many reasons as to why they dislike or even hate their mother; some are good, some bad. You may feel stressed, or even betrayed by her whether it be by something like a rude demeanor or even having left their children at a young age. You may have even tried to talk and compromise with her in order to stop these feelings, to no avail. Whatever the reason, these feelings have boiled in you overtime and have most likely interfered with your daily life. And that's the problem, it's YOUR life. You don't have to ignore the reasons as to why you feel this way, why you feel anger or spite. You can, however, forgive. You don't have to forgive the things she's done per se, only let go of them and move on. You owe it to yourself. Perhaps with time, love, and professional help, you can also love her again.
Mother is the one who gave you life and cared for you and even the worst mother deserves respect and care. This is something really basic for any human. Have you considered some therapy?
Usually, hatred arises when two people do not communicate effectively and misunderstanding feeds on it. In your situation, the reason for the hatred is not explained in the question so giving an answer is difficult.
Speak to your mother of which behavior of hers irritate you. Remember, she is also a human and overworked. She also needs love and caring. She has brought you in the world even after having her problems. Respect her for that and try sharing your day with her.
Your mother is not less than the person who brought you to the world, carried you in her womb for 9 months + endured labor. If by any chance you happen to hate her and really want to stop (which is great!) then start trying to forgive her for what she might have done/what you think she has done.
We all have our reasons to hate people, even our mothers. Whatever the reason is, think about if it is worth it, if it is worth not having your mother in your life. Also think about what precipitated the 'hate', the emotion. Then talk with your mother, talk to her about why you have such strong feelings towards her and maybe that will lessen the hate, lessen the emotion.
Just remember your childhood days. Nostalgic it will be. She loves you more than you can imagine. Think from her point of view.
You can't really hate your mother. No matter what she does. She will always be your mother. Your mother gave birth to you. Raised you up to be who you are today. You wouldnt be born if it werent for your mother. So how can you stop hating her? Well think of all the good shes done for you. Surely you can make a list of all the good shes done. And be thankful for what she has done. Do not focus on the negative but rather focus on the postive.
Even though your mother may have done something really bad to you, you have to remember that she is human as well. She makes mistakes like all of us and bringing up a child is not an easy task. So you have to learn to forgive for the sake of both of you. Of course she is at fault for things but depending on whether she tries to improve things or not you can make a decision on whether the relationship is good for you to keep with adjustment or if you have to walk away.
You can stop hating your mother by seeing all the things she has provided for you and how hard she works every day and night and how much love she has given you.
You may very well have a right to hate her. But you can also choose to respect her for bringing you into the world, acknowledge her position as your mother (regardless of what kind of mother she may have been), and stop there. This doesn't mean you need to like her or interact with her. It's your life, and if you feel it would be better to distance yourself, it shouldn't be her decision to make.
This doesn't only apply to mothers, but I believe the best way to stop hating anyone is just to realize that your hate isn't serving any purpose and that it's just a waste of your energy. In the end you're only damaging yourself by being spiteful towards others.
I don't know your mother, but for me, it helped to look at her history. My mom has gone through a lot, and it helped me appreciate her. Maybe this can work for you?
Take a step back and see why you hate her. Analyse the root of the issue. Then judge whether it's okay to hate her or not. The rest will follow.
Learn to let go of the feelings you attach to her behaviours and try to understand why she behaves that way. Practice compassion towards her where possible
Think of all the things she has done for you, from going through the pain of giving birth to you to providing for you, Once upon a time, you loved your mother.
Having strong feelings of dislike to a family member is completely fine. If distancing yourself from her is going to help YOU, then by all means don't stop yourself. Don't put yourself through forgiving someone who doesn't deserve to be forgiven.
I have found that reminding myself hating only makes my heart heavier keeps me from having ill will towards anyone. Also doing meditations specifically geared towards mindful forgiveness and compassion has helped me a ton!
I realized that their parents didn’t give them all that they needed. I saw that they were just trying their best and they were human like me, which meant that they had flaws and made mistakes. I saw that they were every bit as lost as most of us are at times, because life has no guidebook. I saw the little child within them. As I started to forgive them, I became warmer toward them and appreciated them more. I started to say “I love you” to them, and surprisingly my dad started to say it back. He had never really said it to me before.
Figure out the reason for why you hate your mother. You can't change who and how your mom is. So, better change yourself to keep yourself happy.. and one thing... never hate anyone.. you aren't going to get anything thinking something bad about someone :)
1) realize that Mom is older than you are and be compassionate towards her 2) know that (while in some families it is not true but more commonly) you are the most important person in her life and while she may not know how to always provide for your needs, you loves you most 3) have a chat with her...and try to iron things out, it might work? 4) be patient and honest with her too 5) manage (your own) expectations and be aware Mom isnt deity and cannot wave any wand and make things magically appear 6) she may not always be around (everyone has a time to 'go') and while she is still alive...cherish her. 7) do not hold it against her. Listing one bad point about her is allowed..WHILE listing 3 other good points. Focus on the 3 good points, and less on the one point. 8) If Mom imposes expectations know that she is human and makes mistakes too (mistakes like...trying to impose). 9) You came to this world with an umbilical cord...and without a manual attached. Mom does not always have the answers..or know the best methods. Forgiving is hard but can be done...and hating can be done for a while but overtime...burns a hole even in yourself too....take care!
Try and see the good in her, maybe look at things from a new perspective. Take a walk in her shoes. Maybe try to find things you have in common, try every day to be nicer to each other, no matter the circumstance. Kindness goes a long way. I understand all of this is a lot easier said than done but all you can do is try your best. Your mother will see the effort your putting in and hopefully put some in herself, at the least she will appreciate that you are trying. I hope this helps, best of luck to you!
This is hard to tell without knowing why you hate her. I would say take these reasons and question them if they are really justified. Let's for example say if she is too strict then even if it might be annoying for you at times it is only cause she wants the best for you. You should try to also make a list of things why you are thankful for you mother, which good things she does for you. Imagine her gone. It might seem chill for a moment but why would you be sad and missing her? We often only value people and things just when it's too late. Prevent that for yourself.
Wow! Hate is a strong word. First I would suggest for you to consider if hate is the correct vocabulary for what you are feeling. We all have mothers. Some of us are luckier than others, however, a mothers job is not to be her child’s best friend. With that said, a mother job is also not to harm or restrict her child from living their best life. In my opinion, and I take my role as a mother seriously, is to guide, coach and teach her child skills needed to navigate with ease in this world of chaos. The great news is, that once you reach adult age, you have a choice. You can choose to live completely independent from your mother. Of course this is not always an easy choice, due to the fact that many adult children rely on their parents financial support until their early twenties. Especially if further education is paid for by the parent. Therefore you may decide to continue to be respectful and bite your tongue during these years. It’s when you have the capability to rely solely on yourself and cut the cords with people who no longer serve your best interest. I am not saying to cut all ties, just to recognize your own power to choose who plays a key role in your life story and who is more of a supporting, background character. I also love the term, keep your friends close and your enemies closer as well as, bless their heart. Always choose love and kindness over revenge. Loving yourself first is revenge that serves both purposes. Best of luck!
By asking yourself first, why do i hate her, try to write these points on a paper. If you feel like all the conflicts between you and her are because you feel that she hates you, then try to make her love you or try to talk to her about how you feel. The best of luck
Remember how once you were so weak and fragile and she cared for you enough to bring u up to this world ...no matter how annoying she must be to you now it will never be as annoying as you were to her once ..regardless of how good a mother is all mothers share the same life changing experience and all mothers struggled a lot with that change...so give her a break because she deserves your love not hate even if it seems like she hates she doesnt...she only hates herself for not feeling good enough try to carry just a little for her and you will be surprised.
by remembering she is the only reason why you are here !! she gave you birth, cause of which today you are able to question something !!
Most of the time,your mother loves you and cares about you,and you would have no reson to hate her at all.If your mother isnt providing support,is ego centric,and doasent care for your well being and is abusive,you have the right to hate her,but she did give you life,so consider the hate.
Related Questions: How to stop hating your mother?
My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?How to connect a person online with a therapist?How can I make my family understand that I'm not seeking attention and just trying to get the help I need?What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?What age is too young to leave home?How do I live with a mentally-ill parent?My dad likes to touch me. Is this sexual abuse?How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?What do I do when my husband ignores me?