How to stop hating your mother?
Last Updated: 11/04/2021 at 1:49am
Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC
Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
Top Rated Answers
There is really only one solution for hate and that is love. Start loving and accepting your mom totally for who and what she is without any conditions or expectations.
Realize she is who brought you into this earth, she is trying her hardest to keep you happy, you are her child which she will always love
Spend more time with your mother. Know the little things she had been doing for u. Notice that she may be rude but everything leads to only one conclusion that she actually cares for u
Although frowned upon, hating your mother is a feeling many kids, teenagers and even adults come to face. Firstly, you should try and realize that, just like all people, your mother has flaws and imperfections. No one is perfect! Then, a good idea would be to write down the things you love about your mother, and anything positive related to her. That will help you feel gratitude towards having your mother in your life. Finally, if the above don't seem to work for you, you can adress to an expert, such as a counselor, who will definitely be able to help you in the best way.
Understand what she is doing. Is she worried about you? Or she doesn't want you to get hurt. Maybe she doesn't want you to grow anymore. Understand how she is feeling
It's a woman who give You life, if you appreciate your life you have for what love mother. Mother never want bad
I think it´s not a thing you can really control . I`m aware that this is a bit of a taboo in society, we shouldn´t hate our mothers, only love them. But ambivalence is part of every relationship. Maybe ask yourself why you hate her and if you have valid reasons for it and if so, what you can do about it.
By trying to find what is the source of the problem to why you hate her and trying to fix that......
Now that I am in my 40s I realize that my mother did the best she could with the tools she had. I understand her own childhood more and I realize how terrible it was. She did better than her parents, and even though it was still harmful, I know now with the benefit of years and wisdom that she really did the best she could. It is still sad sometimes, but there's no anger left in me for her.
You put yourself in her shoes. Have this thoughts if it were me......
Stop for a moment and listen to yourself. Why the hate? Parents were not trained on being parents, they learnt on the job, making mistakes in the process. Sometimes their mistakes hurt us but that is not their intention, they want the best for us.
Remember she puts a roof over your head. Or youd be homeless. She feeds you.. or youd starve.. she washes your clothes.. keeps you warm wjth clothes..loves you and cares about you or she wouldnt be doing these things for you.
By realizing that she is a person, too, and that she is not perfect. She might be relationship-wise our mother. But, she is, also, somebody's daughter.
For me, the easiest way to stop hating her was to try to understand how I'm involved in the problem. It's not only her own fault if we have a conflict. I try to responsabilise myself more.
It's best to try to see things from her point of view. Maybe she's overly strict because she's paranoid about your safety. Maybe she just has a separate view of how you should be raised. Or if you hate her because of her political/religious views, remember that while her views may be different than your own, she still is someone who loves you dearly and wants the best for you.
I think misunderstanding and lack of -proper- communication can lead to cold relationships between parents and children. Make sure she understands how you think and what you need
First of all you need to consider closely the reasons that you hate her. Is it because you believe that most of your problems originate from her, or did she do something that made you hate her? Part of learning to forgive is being able to separate the situation from the emotional responses you've been feeling. After you've learned to look at the situation objectively, you are going to have to make an effort to forgive. Forgiveness takes a continual effort over weeks, sometimes months. It is something you have to consciously do every time your anger arises. It may be hard at times, and sometimes you might feel like it's not worth your effort. It is then that you should remember the reasons that you are trying to forgive her. Perhaps you want to mend your relationship with her, maybe you are tired of stewing in your anger. Being angry is a toxic feeling that often ends up eating away at your own happiness. You can start writing a journal to help yourself remain goal oriented, as well as to try and write out things from your mother's angle. Try to see that they are human like you, which means that they are just as lost as most of us are at times. When you feel comfortable that you will be able to speak calmly and without bias to your mom, you should try doing so. Remember that you are so much stronger than your anger.
I can relate, but honestly, if you hate someone, it probably means you have something going on within yourself. I know it might not seem like it, but something more is probably going on.
Try to understand her. What I mean by this is to try and understand her motivations for her actions. Why does she do what she does? Is it because it's the only thing she knows how to do? Look into her history, what she cares about and so on so forth. If she truly is a 'terrible' person in that she seems to not care about you at all and wishes the worst on you, even after you've analyse her motivations and reasons, then it may be that you simply have to be patient until you have the option of leaving her and distancing yourself from her. Some things are worth being angry over, but it may be a better option to avoid the source entirely and burn that bridge.
I'd suggest talking with her, communication is key, after all. Go through your issues with each other and come up with a solution to your disagreement.
For what you do to others, you do to yourself, why create suffering? We all conflict as humans but on a deeper level we are already complete. and at peace. When you realize that, there is a joyous energy behind what you do and the way we treat one another becomes a positive energy.
Hate can be a strong emotion. It might be helpful to try to figure out what makes you hate your mother and work through that
Asking yourself what makes you feel that hate, identify that emotion and think about what could make you feel better about it
Recognise that like all of us, your mother is on a learning journey through life. Nobody knows how to be a parent before they have practice, they only have the examples they themselves experienced as a child. We all make mistakes, forgiving can take a while but will set you free.
You can try putting yourself in her shoes. Empathy is always the best way to understand the other. try talking to her.
Whatever the reason may be, the solutions are always to understand and forgive. For example, if your reason is your mother gets angry easily and yells a lot, you first must understand why she does these things. You may feel like it's your fault because she may get angry at the littlest thing you do. Often times, people don't get angry at the small things that happen. That's not what truly irritates them. There's usually something deeper, some much larger problem that needs to be solved in able to solve the small ones. Then, learn empathy, understanding, and forgiveness. Once you do that, you'll be able to welcome happiness and peace back into your life.
It certainly depends on the reason why you hate her. If she insults you often, it could be due to personal stress and she's taking her emotions out on you. If this is the case, you must understand the issue and her point of view. Perhaps instead of hating her, you could help her learn to be content and happy with her life.
Speak to her about how you feel and let her speak to you about she feels. Find something you can both relate or agree on. This will let you connect with an interest which both of you like.
It depends on why you think you hate her. Speaking from experience, it's easy to hate someone narcissistic or someone who gets down on you all the time. If you hate her for small reasons, it's probably just a passing phase. Relate to her, spend time with her, talk about her youth to see if you can empathise with anything she went through when she was your age. However, if you hate her for more serious reasons (i.e. abuse) then remember it's fine to cut people out your life. Only surround yourself with people who make you happy and don't hurt you.
Analyze the 'hate' you have for your mother. When did it started and why? I did this, and I realized that I changed in a bad way. I was very stubborn against my mother, didn't listen to her anymore. All I cared about was being with my boyfriend. She didn't know me like this, so she started to act more difficult. This encouraged me to hate her more. When I came home from school or my boyfriend, I instantly went to my room and didn't speak to her. When my best friend ended up in a psychiatric institution, I didn't know how to act anymore, I couldn't cope with it. I felt so alone at school, my support was gone. I didn't hear much from her because she had some difficulties, too. She had to get over them. My mom realized that it affected me and we've talked for hours. This talk helped us both! Everything from the past was cleared up. The only advice I can give to you to stop hating your mother: try to start a conversation about how you feel, and how she feels! Try to clear up everything, and take a fresh start from there. Hope I've helped you a little bit :)
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