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How to stop hating your mother?

216 Answers
Last Updated: 11/04/2021 at 1:49am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
November 16th, 2017 9:28pm
If you are a Christian (like myself) the answer is easy: The Bible claims to "honor thy mother and thy father." Your mother gave birth to you... And you both only get this one chance called life. Death is a mystery... But are you really willing to risk time with your birth mother over something that has happened over the past? Life is too precious for negativity and anger. Regret may be the replacement if something was to happen to your mother and it is come to be that it is too late to make amends.
December 9th, 2017 5:04pm
I dont know how not to hate my mom.She lies and abuse us mentally,she likes attention and that’s not a bad thing but how she wants it is bad.she drinks pills to commit “suicide”but she drinks just enough not to die...the one time she hitted my dad and day she did that I lost my respect for mom behaves like a child and she’s the whole time on her phone...she’s also fake
December 14th, 2017 12:36am
Acknowledge that although she may not be the best mother, she struggled to give you life. She has her own life issues too, like anyone else. What she said now, may be a product of her past sufferings. See if there is anyway you can help her attain peace. If not, keep focus on the goal of improving yourself, so that one day you may be free of her negative influence.
January 18th, 2018 7:13pm
Is there something from your past with her that has not been resolved? It may be necessary to think about this and possibly confront her. Maybe you need an apology. Maybe you need an explanation. Whatever it is, you deserve it - and she deserves to have a chance to talk with you about it.
January 28th, 2018 8:35pm
If you want to forgive your mother, you should think about the things she has done to cause you to hate her and the impact it has had on your life. Now accept it and accept that she is flawed. Look for the good in her, what has she done right and what was the intent that she had in doing wrong.. Realize that we are all human and we all mess up. Forgive her and forgive yourself for hating her. Let it go.
February 7th, 2018 6:32am
talk to her try to understand each other there might be things you never knew about she might need the extra help in order to become a better person
February 7th, 2018 9:44pm
Talk to her about your feelings and why you feel that. y'all can find out what can make it better :)
February 14th, 2018 5:24pm
let's say you hate your mother, placing the blame for your problems on her i would assume is normal. sometimes your mother says things that trigger negative emotions. if you keep going you realize you love your mom because she is the closest person who just wants you to figure out how to make you better, fights happen with your mom because she knows you better than anyone else in world. you only have one mom so hating her is a feeling in your brain that you have to adjust and rethink your thoughts.
February 16th, 2018 3:42pm
it depends on the reasons, but fundamentally looking at why she made whatever choices she made, 2hat she might be going through and try to understand her perspective. might cast some clarity on your relationship.
March 2nd, 2018 1:48pm
Sometimes it can be difficult to get on with your mother as you can often feel misunderstood or you feel like you are being controlled. The best way forward is very often having an open conversation with your mum, tell her what it is that is bothering you. Don't do it in an accusing or hostile way however, simply sit down with her and tell her how you feel for example "when you say (this) it makes me feel (this) way, maybe we could do (this) instead? A lack of good communication will very often result in the parent and child growing even more distant from each other. Remember that your mum loves you and that you are her child after all, she would surely want what is best for you and wants you to feel safe and feel as though you can trust her. This is a two way street in the end, both parent and child need to make an effort. Try to work together with her, and I'm sure that things will work out in the end. Parents sometimes don't realise how they come across to their children, be open with her. If this issue persists it might always be beneficial to speak to another family member who could help and support the both of you.
March 28th, 2018 6:03pm
It is important to first understand why you have the feelings you do. Next step is to try to talk and understand each other. My favorite quote is "there are some things you can't communicate unless you clash". Sometimes people wont agree with you and vise versa, but if you want to express something, it may take all you've got. Ignoring your feelings wont help. Trying to understand the relationship is important, but then you need to make a plan. What needs to be done in order to make the relationship you want. Talk sessions? If so, it's worth it. Family is very important. Once you know why you dislike your parent, talk to them, or a trusted person. Try to understand why they are they way they are, it will make you feel better to know why. Talking is the key to a better relationship, especially because parents don't go away.
April 6th, 2018 11:32pm
Take things less personal, agree to what sounds sensible. Always remember if she starts talking about my own good it’s probably something worth listening to.
April 8th, 2018 10:17am
you can. you can hate someone who hurts you, ignores you, abandons you. but if you want to stop hating her, you have to understand her point of view. you have to accept that there might have been an outsider element you didn't consider
April 12th, 2018 8:04pm
Learn to try and forgive her for the things she has done. Address them with her and let her know the situation. Hopefully a compromise will be reached.
April 18th, 2018 3:05am
Have a deep conversation with her and let her know how you have been feeling, there are always 2 sides to the story, you just have to be willing enough to listen to someone elses
April 27th, 2018 12:33am
Relationships with parents can be hard whether they hurt you or don’t agree with you. I have a bad relationship with my mom currently, and it doesn’t seem to make my life any better. I just try to understand that my mom loves me and she cares about me. It gives me a feeling of forgiveness.
May 2nd, 2018 5:52am
I think that all hatred can be lowered with the same tools. No matter if its your mother or not. Sometimes we hate because we take things personal, and sometimes we also feel like it is part of ourselves the way that the other person is acting. I think that if we are able to detached from that thought and think that for whatever reasons this person is behaving in a certain way. For example you can think this is how she was thought to be or to act. Right now this person is doing the best they can with the history that they cary with, and the tools that this person have. By this you are making the decision of letting go of all the guilt and all that makes this person's behavior (on this case your mom) not your responsibility. You also become aware that there are many sides to each story and if they are acting a certain way it is because of all the history, all of their beliefs and they are doing what they can. You become more comprehensive instead of judging.
May 9th, 2018 6:12pm
Try to talk to her and realize she is doing the best she can and loves you.We are all human and make mistakes.Try to be forgiving and don't judge.Find some things you have in common that you can talk about and activities you enjoy together to try to build a closer bond.
May 30th, 2018 6:18am
There's no easy answer or way. It takes a lot of communication to understand the core reason why the hatred. By understanding comes acceptance then hopefully forgiveness. It takes both side commitment to move forward if one side not showing the enthusiasm to solve the issues nothing can be done but at least we can be relief ourselves from hatred and start loving again. The issues will not be resolved overnight same as the hatred does not come overnight. Everything takes time. Be patient.
June 21st, 2018 2:24pm
Put yourself in her shoes and see. Parnting is hard and every parent gives their best. She only wants what is best for you.
June 23rd, 2018 5:25pm
First, you have to understand your own thinking. Are you angry at your mom for over protecting you? She may be acting this way to keep you safe. Mothers know that the world is a dangerous place, and all they want is to keep you safe. You need to understand your side and her side in order to develop a strong relationship with your mother.
June 29th, 2018 6:58am
Think about she loves you but she is expressing her love in a different way that you cannot understand now ,you may figure it out when you become a dad/mom and appreciate her the most!
July 12th, 2018 3:29pm
The thing is that when you hate somebody, there is always a reason. This may apply to anyone, so if it is your mother things should be no different. The feeling is implanted due to how you feel and possibly how you have been treated. To "get over" this, you would have to talk about it with her - make sure there's a mutual understanding on both parts. When I spoke about how I felt, she did try to change how she did certain things with or for me. Perhaps talking would help?
July 29th, 2018 10:24am
Mother- is a person who does everything for you. Even if you’re having a difficult times now, never hate her. She is the one who loves you by your soul and heart, not by the things you do, say, etc.
August 2nd, 2018 4:54am
try to underdtand her and always try to help her whatever she is saying or warning you for the sake of your goodness
August 2nd, 2018 8:59am
Thinking as she is my mom who keep in womb me for 9 months with pain and struggles and who care me lot in world
August 8th, 2018 6:57am
This one hits home for me. Just give it time, and try to have fun with her. Be nice and ask her some questions to start talking.
August 8th, 2018 7:54pm
This is hard to answer without any background on the situation, but what I will say is, your mother is a human being. We sometimes forget our parents are human as well, and they do make mistakes just like everyone else. No one is perfect, not even our parents. Maybe realising this will help you relate with your mother as a person who makes mistakes rather than an idol that should be perfect all the time.
August 12th, 2018 7:35pm
I want to start off by saying hate is a profound word in my vocabulary however I could understand how individudusks could harvest this negative emotion towards a mother. In my experience my relationship with mother has been Toxic since I can remember. Her Narsissictic traits do not help the situation. Throughout the years I have tried to accept her and her ways but I guess my own way of thinking hoping she would change for the better gets in the way. In the end all I could do for her is wish her well.
August 15th, 2018 5:10pm
Try to understand her point of view. What is causing her to act in a way you dislike? What is something you both like and can connect on?