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How to stop hating your mother?

217 Answers
Last Updated: 01/09/2022 at 2:26pm
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Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
avanef
September 2nd, 2018 6:53pm
You sit her down and try to work things out with her. You try to find the problem that makes you hate her, and you do everything you can to make it work. No, everyday you won't like your mom, I know how you feel there were many days where I was just in my own world and anything my mom did, I'd get mad at her. But, those things happen, and you just have to be honest with her and talk to her about these things. Nothing good will ever go if you don't try to do something like that with her. I wish you luck with that and hope I helped you.
Anonymous
September 6th, 2018 2:37am
Mothers. We all have problems with them. Most want to know all about what is going on with your life and want to know every single detail. Mine is like that! Quite frustrating sometimes. Me being a girl, it can be quite frustrating. When I was in middle school, I became too cool to talk to my mother and shut her out completely. I didn’t care to have advice from a women who was going through exactly what I was because I was too cool. Now, being 20 and in college and scared to face the world; I want my mother. I crave to have her around me. She is your mother. You were in her body for 9 months then saw you grow. Of course she isn’t going to stop loving you and going to stop wanting to know you because you are growing up. Your mother wants the best for you. It may be hard to see it sometimes depending on age and situations but she does. She will frustrate you but you should never take her for granted. She has the power to take away the pain and show you all the tricks to the world. It gets better. Not all relationships are the same between mothers and children. I can’t say that you were the same as me. I like the say that hate is a strong is a strong way. The word hate sneaks out easily. Be careful who you use it on. Mothers are who brought you into the world but not are all made the same.
Anonymous
September 6th, 2018 4:50am
I've had a strained relationship with my mother for a long time. We used to be close but I came out to her two years ago and she didn't react very well. It was hard to even try to talk to her because I felt there was no acceptance and trust in that relationship. What i learned is that a lot of the feelings I've had are fears and projections. I was afraid of being rejected. The first step that helped me was taking the initiative of propelling the change instead of waiting around for the change to happen. I had to accept and be kind to myself first. I had to forgive myself first. Then I treated others that way. So I eventually learned how to treat my mother with kindness and acceptance regardless of how she acted towards me.
rainydaycupoftea
September 9th, 2018 9:33pm
This is a topic I can relate heavily to. My mother and I, in the past, have been through a lot. There are two separate ways to approach the situation. You can either choose to approach your mother and try to resolve the issues you two have. Or, if that fails, you can choose to let go of the hatred for YOU. You can choose to let go of the hate and move forward. Sometimes people hurt you not because of YOU, but because they may have issues with themselves. So being aware of that may make it easier for you to move forward.
artfriend98
September 27th, 2018 6:11am
Practicing patience and keeping an open communication helps to build a stronger relationship with our parents. Young adults will not always agree with their moms. Underneath the conflict, mothers will want what is in their children's best interest. Her discipline comes from a place of love, and her guidance is what helps us grow and mature. Learn to forgive and discuss how to gain or rebuild trust in each other. It's important to ask ourselves how we might change our reaction to each other when conflict occurs. It's okay to have arguments. Take a break and get some space when either of you needs it.
caracara17
October 21st, 2018 2:15pm
If she's done you wrong, maybe you have to understand her reasons first why she's done what she's done that hurt you. And then maybe with understanding comes forgiveness. You don't immediately just stop hating her just like you didn't hate her in a matter of seconds. That hate accumulated for a lenghty amount of time so it's only reasonable that you chip it away bit by bit. Maybe try hard on not just focusing on her bad side and also try to see the good. Just try repairing your relationship with her day to day and see where it both leads you. You don't necessarily have to look far ahead.
NatalieYokohama
October 27th, 2018 1:15pm
The first step to stop disliking your mother is to want to stop dislikeing her. You are on the right path! Take a moment to realize your mother is the only mother you will ever have. As her child, maybe think of some fun moments you have had with her. Any happy memories when you were a little kid? Any more recent happy memories? By thinking about the good times, you can bring yourself closer to your mom. Maybe try talking to her, see if she feels like she wants to be closer with you too. I am happy that you reached out for help rather than keeping your emotions bottled up. Several people are shy and don’t reach out, and I am happy you want to address your situation. Hopefully focusing about the positive will help you see the good in your mother. Afterall, she likely has something in common with you, whether it’s a hobby, style, skill or sense of humour.
sunshineMelon87
November 8th, 2018 7:11pm
Focus on the positive, the good qualities that you love about your mother. Every one of us has a beautiful soul and a a loving heart. Maybe do things that she likes and you can enjoy together. Try to forgive yourself for the feelings of hate towards her. Loving her unconditionally, no matter what. Sometimes that can be difficult, but your mother loves you and wants the best for you even through hardships. Is it something specific she says or does to make you hate her. Maybe try and tell her if you can what makes you uncomfortable.
SaltWaterSoul
November 16th, 2018 5:40pm
The first step would be to identify the reasons you think you hate your mother. It might help to actually make a list. Then be really honest with yourself. Remember, this is just for you. Are all the reasons fair? Are there things on your list that might not have been her fault? If so, mark those things off and let them go. Next, think hard on the things that are left. Can you forgive them? Forgiveness is not about the other person, but about freeing ourselves from negative emotions. Forgiveness is also a journey. It is usually not as simple as saying “I forgive you.” It is a conscious decision we have to make over and over again.
Anonymous
November 25th, 2018 7:24am
Realise that she’s a human who will make mistakes in her life, some more harmful than others. It’s hard to have empathy for people that have hurt you in some way. It also can be very difficult to let go of such strong negative feelings, especially when they are someone as close to you as a mother who is meant to be there as a trusting supporter. It might be best to try to limit contact with your mother and set boundaries, if you just can’t work things out. If you’re forced to interact with her, try to manage your emotions in a healthy way where you can control your behaviour and behave civilly towards her. Vent to friends and family members if you can, express how you feel in ways that can help you destress. Don’t ignore your feelings, you can’t deny or hide from them, in fact this may do more harm than good.
Stayblessedforever
December 1st, 2018 1:27pm
How do you even hate your mother? If you are a rebellious teenager, nothing can stop you back from the hate factor. Anything mom says sounds anti. If you really wanna stop hating your mother, put yourself in your mother's shoes. Pause for a moment to think of all the good your mom does for you. She cares for you and loves you. In fact, she is only person who can be trusted. Do not wait to love your mom till you realise it is too late. Lot of effort goes into being a mother. Only if you become a parent, would it occur to you.
healingHeroo
December 15th, 2018 6:09pm
hate is a strong word. Very strong word. And this question really depends on the situation. But before you go and say you hate your mom think about this. “Is hate the word your really looking for?” Or “what is causing you to feel this way?” Because yes all though you say you may hate her, your anger takes over. And all your emotions feel helpless and leave no room for your common sense to fit in. And if you feel like you have no way in knowing how to stop feeling this way. You first need to figure out what is causing you this pain. And what you are willing to do to fix it all for yourself and your moms relationship. It’s all up to you.
sugaryMemory57
February 13th, 2019 5:34pm
I have at times struggled with my relationship. But when we started talking about what was really upsetting us both we agreed to try and help the other and it helped to mend our relationship. Baby steps are a good thing and although it might seem out of reach at the moment, you have the power and strength to mend your relationship. People often don’t get along with their parents but fixing that is the way to move forward. Hate is a very strong word and so to stop hating someone is something very difficult to do. But identifying your exact feeling may prove useful
Anonymous
March 9th, 2019 10:52am
Difficult question. I think first you need to ask yourself why do you hate your mother. What did she do? What did she say? If you cannot answer, you are on the wrong path. If there is not serious issue, try to let go your hate and anger. For example, breath in and out, try to focus on something positive about your mother. Like she is kind, she made something good to you etc. If there is something, something serious and understandable reason, you could write it down first. Your thoughts, your problems about her, then show the paper her and talk about your feelings. The communication is the key. Maybe she will understand it, moreover she might try to find a solution. The hate doesn't lead anywhere, you need to know it.
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2019 11:26am
The feeling of hate doesn’t appear out of thin air. You should look deeper into the feeling and find the source of it. Why do you hate your mother? What provoked and created this feeling towards her? Once you find the source you can try to find a way to stop it. If it’s something that she does to you that you don’t like, maybe you could talk to her about it and you could both try to fix it. I don’t know your situation that well so I don’t know which is the best option for you. But I do know that hating someone for no apparent reason doesn’t exist, there’s always a reason for your hate, maybe you should look deeper into it so that you could find a way to fix it.
Anonymous
May 3rd, 2019 8:12pm
From my experience, first thing to do is to forgive them. Try to forgive whatever she has done to you in the past. It can be hard, but after that you'll feel more relieve. The second one is to think about all the good things she has done for you, think about all the happy memories you have with her. That way, slowly you'll start to love your mother again. And the third one is to do some self-introspection. Like, have you done something that really pissed her off? If yes, then think about it. If she doesn't hate you because of it, then why are you hating her?
Anonymous
June 1st, 2019 7:37pm
I understand this can be really frustrating, but she is your mother after all. I know deep inside you love her and she loves you. If you want to stop hating your mother, try to approach her and change your behavior towards you. Maybe be a bit nicer with her and help her around with the chores. She will change her behavior towards you as well. Moreover, try to spend some quality time with her and do activities that you both enjoy. For example, go for a walk, watch a movie etc! Give her a chance and if you feel upset while she is around, try to calm yourself by taking deep breaths.
maddisonblogs0
June 23rd, 2019 12:12am
Almost everyone has said it at one time or another, "I hate my mother," or "I cannot stand my mom." In fact, those who say this rarely mean what they say and they are usually just mad at the time. However, some people really do hate their mother, and usually have good reason. Hatred of one's mother can begin at different stages of life. It can happen during childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. There is a common misconception that hatred of one's mother is something which always initiates during childhood. Granted, there are many cases and scenarios where people who have grown to hate their mothers began doing so when they were young children or teenagers. However, there are other situations where hatred towards mothers began in adulthood. More often, the latter cases occur due to actions or behavioral patterns. There is no one answer, but there are a plethora of variables and contributing factors.
Anonymous
July 5th, 2019 3:45pm
Mother's are a very important part of life and society. Without them, we wouldn't exist. I understand what it's like to be upset with your mother. It's a sad place to be. The person who brought you into this world did something that you are so angry at them for. I'm sorry you are in this position right now, and while I can't give you any advice, I can say this; only you know when it is the right time to forgive someone. No one can tell you when that is. I can't tell you how to stop hating someone, because you have to do that yourself. I can't do it for you, though I wish I could help you more than I am able to now.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2019 12:56am
This one really hits home, so I'm going to give you my honest answer and do it anonymously. The way I've learned to stop hating my mother is realizing that the way she behaves toward me is the result of previous traumas and experiences that she went through in her life. I know some of these experiences, and there might be more. I learned that I cannot change her. So while I've tried to offer options to help her, they don't work out because she hasn't made the decision to change yet. Until she does, all I can do is help her bit by bit OR simply not be a negative force in her life (e.g. by keeping my distance). I've learned to become aware of when I am feeling triggered by her and I do my best to mindfully create some distance until I can handle her again. There's a philosopher who once proposed we treat people like facts. People don't change much. So it might help to learn to accept your mother however she presents herself and try to only be with her when you're certain you'll be okay. EDIT: If you are willing to make changes in your own mind, I'd encourage you to find a therapist you can relate to and talk to them about what happened between you and your mother. By doing this, you might learn something about yourself and/or your mother which could improve your relationship.
savetheturtlesss
August 28th, 2019 11:01am
first of all , you must ask yourself some basic questions to overcome that obstacle. consider asking yourself some basic questions such as “why do i hate my mother?” , “does she deserve this?” , “would making peace with my mother be helpful for my mental health?” , and “is my mother the cause of any anguish, sadness, or fear caused in my life?” by answering these basic , open ended questions , you will find the answer to your question. to add, please keep in mind that you were a part of your mother for almost a year. you guys have went through so much together so please do not let a simple fight ruin such a beautiful blessing of having a mother.
KarmaisaLesson18
September 15th, 2019 11:28pm
Recognize that she did the best she could with the information and resources she had available at the time. No one is perfect and adults (just like kids) are just trying to figure it out as we go along. One day, one event, one problem at a time. And remember that hating someone is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies. Hating her doesn't accomplish anything except giving you extra baggage to carry and icky feelings to have to process. Forgiving and getting better is a more powerful statement than hating her any day of the week.
lovelyHope20
October 3rd, 2019 8:34pm
I do not know your mother and I do not know the reason you hate her. I just feel like I need to point out that you are not obligated to love your mother. She is human and humans make mistakes. I am assuming that the two of you have a complicated relationship and there might be big mistakes on both sides. You know how you just do not like some people? Maybe your mother is one of those people for you. Also when there are big mistakes made, forgiveness is not an option for a while. You are not obligated to forgive and love. But, you should behave in a healthy way. Consider your role in the way your relationship has evolved and take responsibility for your part and leave her part to her. Behave as mature and balanced as can be expected of you. Do not seek confrontations. A good way to manage emotions on a certain subject is to get away and minimize contact and dependency if possible. (If you really want to stop hating, often the key is forgiveness, but that is a hard road in itself.)
Anonymous
November 23rd, 2019 1:39am
That very much depends on the situation. If she actually has behavior that is harmful to you, the best thing might be to take some distance. If you can't take distance because you're young and live with her or depend on her financially, perhaps try to confront her. Honestly though, ultimately, that sort of situation is really case by case, and I would need to know more in order to actually help you with it. I encourage you to connect with a listener. You might be surprised what comes out of a conversation with them. Good luck and good courage!
insightfulShell4761
November 23rd, 2019 5:41am
You have to be able to understand that she’s only doing what’s best for you. Although at times it feels like she’s trying to control you or what she’s doing what’s best for her, Patience is what’s going to get you to the other side. And not only that, but you have to try to see things from her perspective. Whatever you did to make her treat you the way that she does so you can hate her is going to reflect on your actions in the end. So just go back and think about what you did what did you do to make her treat you the way she does. How can you fix it? And how can you prevent this from happening again. Maybe stay within the boundaries she said score try to be flexible with a maybe
softFern50
December 13th, 2019 2:28am
Learn more about her; her past, childhood, and struggles. Gleaning a sense of what she's gone through and the experiences she's had will help to better understand her and why she is the way she is. Forgiving her even if she doesn't ever apologize or even know how she's hurt you. Seeing her as a flawed human being who may be thinking and feeling a lot that you don't know about. Writing her a letter that you can either share or not share with her. Hearing about her past can also possibly show what you two hold in common. Laughing at some behaviors instead of holding anger and resentment feelings.
hopefulMarco
December 14th, 2019 10:24pm
1- Ask yourself what benefit will I get hating my Mom? 2- You won't be happy hating someone. 3- let's start positive thinking to live happier. 4- "Hating" affects you negatively and you know that well 5- Offering Love makes you stronger. 6- Think about all helpful actions she ever done 7- Try to remember and feel all lovely moments you shared together. 8- Do you think your mother deserves your Love ? if yes, so you can start thinking positively about her. If No, You deserve to remove any negative feelings to love happier. 9- A self help guide about family stress: https://www.7cups.com/family-stress/ 10- Good job! you are doing great job trying to doing a positive action towards your happy life.
AnotherGreyListener
December 26th, 2019 6:41pm
It depends on why you hated her in the first place. My mother wasn't great although there could be much worse. She hated everything I did and made it clear. Weather it was heading a dungeons and dragons club or joining a sports team. I hated her but then then minutes later she would laugh with me or buy me something as an apology. Being mad made me seem like the enemy. If I could stay mad or Express my emotions, maybe we could have talked about it. Yet not all problems can be fixed with a conversation. So honestly, as someone that still hates their own mother, I don't know.
gentleSun78
February 1st, 2020 6:48pm
Firstly, consider what makes you hating your mother. If it is physical, emotional, mental, economic, sexual etc abuse, then it is ok that you dislike her past or present behaviour. If it is due to just disfunctional dynamic in your family (without abuse), you need to understand firstly that most family dynamics are disfunctional to some degree and that you are not alone. Furthermore, try to consider your mother's emotions and thoughts when she does something what makes you hating her. Maybe she does it in her love towards you but she can't express it in the way you will be able to understand her.
Kristinakogaa
February 21st, 2020 7:50pm
You first have to find a place in your heart to see if you have room for forgiveness assuming you hate your mother for a reason. Try to go and talk to her and understand her reasoning of why she did what she did or why she is the way she has been acting. Baby steps! Your goal is to not hate her, not be best friends! Be reasonable and communicate to work through your issues. Though I may be missing parts and bits of the story but, forgiveness of key. Remember the saying forgive but not forget! You are taking her actions into consideration but working to get past it.