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How to stop hating your mother?

217 Answers
Last Updated: 01/09/2022 at 2:26pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
February 22nd, 2020 8:11pm
I wish I could say it was easy, but unfortunately there is no method to completely change your feelings towards your mother, or anybody for that matter. The best way to overcome negative feelings or disdain for somebody close in your life is to directly address your grievances and issues with that person. Whether it was abuse or violation of trust, it is important to remember your mother is human and is bound to make mistakes, like the rest of us. Always remember to make the decisions that are in your best interest. We heal when we transcend dwelling on negative feelings. Rekindling your relationship eventually heals you, as well.
March 12th, 2020 10:10pm
know that she restricts you and screams at u cuz she was scared and cardful of u, she loves you no matter what.your mothdr raised you to become who you are today so make sure you thank her for all the effort and love she provided while you where young to give you a happy life that you deserve. Sometimes as kids we want everything because we believe that we know whats good for us. but our mother knows whats best because shes older with more experience and knows the conequences of the decisions and so sometimes we disagree with those decisions but in the end, we realise the hard way that they were right. love them and cherish while you still have them around you
April 5th, 2020 11:40am
You must let go of the past, and be grateful for what she has given you. Even if the negatives far outweigh the positives, you must do this. If one does not let go of the past they are being hypocritical. Suppose your mother verbally abused you, or did something you did not approve of many times. Do you find it helpful when she brings up the past? Letting go of the past also resolves you of anger that you are reliving. If you ruminate about how much you hate your mother you are giving others power over your mind without them even trying; imagine that! What I prescribe is forgiving them for their human errors even if they are terrible. It will ultimately help you if you let this enormous weight off your cognitive shoulders.
April 8th, 2020 3:03am
Why do you hate your mother? Let's not forget, without her, you wouldn't be alive today. Without her, no one would have fed you as a newborn or taught you how to walk and talk. No one in this world loves you and knows you as much as your mom. If your mom has physically hurt you, or emotionally abuses you, then maybe it is not a bad idea to distance from your mother. But be mature and open-minded. Understand how not everyone has healthy brain chemistry and everyone has experienced things that changed some more than others. You do not have to call or visit your mom, but do not hate her. Just for your own peace of mind, she is your birth-giver.
April 16th, 2020 11:09am
Most mothers are not experienced. They have to learn on the job. We expect our mothers to be super humans who has answers for everything. But we fail to see their struggle. Some mother succeed while other fail even after their best efforts. It might be difficult to stop hating our mothers as it stems from our childhood disappointments. However, if we try to think of them as humans and give them the benefit of the doubt, it would reduce the anger to some extent. We tend to dependent on our parents for all kinds of support and the disappointment is understandable.
April 23rd, 2020 6:17pm
It is difficult to stop hating your mother especially when you have been holding grudges for years. However, I think what makes a person step back and reflect about hating his or her mother is the love and the compassion his or her mother has given them throughout his or her life despite the ups and downs in his or her personality. Mothers are supposed to be forgiving despite their children's issues. It is easier said than done but that is how I refrain from hating my mother; I reflect on both of the good and bad things my mother has done.
April 25th, 2020 7:38pm
well start off with why you hate her , make a list of all she has done. then make a list of all the good she has done. and see if the good can way out the bad and forgive her. if not take the list to your mother and talk with her about it . see if you both can over come it. talking is best here. hope you both can lay it all out and hopefully come to some kind of forgiveness. if not at least you tried your very best and can move on from it.
April 29th, 2020 11:19am
Hate is a feeling which just appears and there are also reasons why we hate a particular person and its much deeper if it's someone like a mother. Speaking to the person helps a lot just like attending therapy or talking to someone about it. Also try focusing on the good side of that person because you like someone but all of a sudden hate them. Which means, you've forgotten everything good about that person even if its little without considering. So bassically, I'm trying to say, don't hate anyone cause of one or more mistake, we don't know what their going through, be more open with them and make them open up.
April 30th, 2020 1:47pm
I read a book recently that really spoke to me. It said that you should always show love towards someone. You should do this even when they don't deserve your love and you don't particularly like them at that time. Because the more you love them and see small things in them which you can love then you'll come to love them. It's hard to explain but it works both ways. If you're constantly hating on something or someone and always picking out the flaws and putting them down, then your feelings of hatred towards that thing or that person will only intensify making you hate them even more. Try showing some love and being the bigger person to stand up and shine. You'll be surprised by the results.
May 16th, 2020 11:02am
Hate is a normal emotion to have toward another individual, especially a mother. Most of the time it is safe to hate mother because she is family. One thing I have found that helps with overcoming hatred is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself or someone else erases the hatred out of the body. It is impossible to feel calm and angry at the same time. Try to think of things that you like about your mother or why you feel such a strong emotion toward her. Talk with her about what happened, express how you feel. There are plenty of valid reasons to feel hatred but it is not healthy to hold onto the feeling for too long.
June 26th, 2020 9:28pm
Firstly, pause for a moment to think and reflect. For what reason do you hate your mother? Is there a reason your mother acts the way she does?If so is there a way for you to communicate to her and tell her kindly that you dislike the certain thing.From the question itself, I can see that you are putting the effort and somewhere in your heart there's at least a tiny bit of love for her whether you realise it or not. Think to yourself, how did you come to this world? Who took care of you ever since you were small?P ause for a moment and think of the things that your mother has done for you. Try listing down and counting them. Parents will always have a reason behind everything that they do. They unconditionally love you no matter the circumstances. Your mother is your family. Your mother is the one who carried you in your stomach for 9 whole months, who fed you, who took care of you when you were sick, who comforted you when you were sad or scared. Nothing can replace a mothere's care and love. Cherish every moment you have with her cause life is short and you do not want to dwell on regrets.
July 5th, 2020 10:43am
The foremost step is to introspect why are you hating your mother, where is this coming from. When you come to a point where you know from where is this thought coming from, then try to discover ways you can alter it. Meanwhile, the best way is to talk to her and express your feelings, tell her about something which is triggering that hate, be patient and affirmative, try your best to make her understand without letting her feel offended. Talking and expressing is the key to resolve hate as it leads to a conversation and understanding further on, which helps clear the cloudy thought of hate.
July 19th, 2020 11:36pm
Being a mother is really not an easy task. Especially giving birth and having to give up their time/effort to take care of their baby. A lot of times people might find that their parents or mothers might be "annoying" because there always nagging but you should try to understand them more and stand from their point of view. What if there always nagging you because they actually care about you and love you. There's always misunderstandings in life. If it's not a misunderstanding then why hate someone that truly cares about you no matter what and it's very rare that you find someone like that in this world and most importantly people make mistakes in life. Were human and we're not perfect and most importantly your mother isn't either. No matter what she's still your mother/someone who truly care about you in this world.
September 10th, 2020 8:44am
Remember that first and foremost she is a human being just like you and that she can make mistakes and hurt and love and hate just like you. Now I honestly don't know what you are going through, what you two have been through and where you are in life, but if your goal is to stop hating your mother the first thing you have to do is forgive her. Not for her satisfaction, but for your peace. Hate takes its toll on ones soul and gives the person hating a burden to carry. But if you decide that in your right your mother is forgiven and everything she has done to you, everything you have done to her is in the past you can start the process to healing and moving past it and stop hating her. I'm also not saying that you should just breeze over everything that has lead to you hating her, but don't let it take from you anymore. That's how you move forward.
October 21st, 2020 12:07am
Put yourself in her shoes. She probably is just wanting the very best for you. If you can't see any reasoning for her actions, try sitting down and having a private chat with her. Me and my mom have had some tension in our relationship, but sometimes a nice, peaceful chat helps us get on each other's levels. If those don't work, outside help, such as a therapist or other adult could help you both understand each other's perspectives. These are just strategies that work for me, but if you find another strategy that feels more helpful and productive, give it a shot! I hope you and your mother work it out.
November 19th, 2020 11:32pm
First of all, you need to examine your thoughts as to why you hate your mother. I have had to come to grips with my hatred towards my mother. Going through your thoughts and why you feel the way you do. Something caused these emotions. Make a list of the things that come to mind. What was sa, id or done? how did it make you feel? what was your response? As you do the investigating, you will be able to see a pattern. Once you are able to connect the dots to why you hate your mother. Then you can choose to reframe the thoughts you have concerning her. What I mean by that is to choose to accept that your mother may be doing her best Maybe she is reacting to how she was treated, and that is the only way we all react. We live in a veil of unconsciousness. Not realizing that we are in a state of sleep while physically we are functioning as if we are awake. We are vibrational creatures and we send out vibes into the universe. Negative thoughts and actions come back to us but what we want is the Positive vibes to go out sending love and radiating light. So it is imperative to change how you feel toward your mother by making peace with the negative hate feeling, writing them out, and write a letter to your mom which you should destroy it when you finish. In the letter express all your emotions and feelings. Feel your feelings, accept them and then tell your self that you let go of that feeling or emotion and that you choose to send love and light to it. Practice this because it will take time to reprogram your mind.
December 26th, 2020 8:33pm
Mother who gives you birth, we sometimes feel like our parents are superheros and we expect more to them. But they are human too. As all humans are different they are, some are rude , strict, moody, lonely, happy , cheering, dull, good, bad etc they can be any among them! Hence we should look at them like humans too. Find Reason to understand why you hate her? Or find the situation which makes you to hate her. Look the situation from her perspective then it would be easier to stop hating her. Try to understand her and try to see good sides.
December 30th, 2020 7:28am
Ask yourself if hating her has benefitted you. Does it help you or are you mostly being distracted from what you need to do and hurting yourself? Try to find a positive from this. You didn't specify why you hate her, but if she was a bad parent, at least you know how to not treat your own children. Be thankful for whatever positive you can find out of this. Try to find it in yourself to forgive her if you can't forget what she did to you. I hope you find a way to get along with your mother.
January 1st, 2021 12:29am
The times I despise my mom are when she shares this attitude of "I am always right." Whenever I would make a comment in our conversation about something, she would say, "no that's not it.." and knock down what I said. She would also become upset over the littlest things such as when I make the wrong turn when I drive that I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Nevertheless, despite these things, I love my mom. There have been more times of her being the best mom than times of her being the "worst mom" by being harsh or unfair. Without a doubt, she jumps on taking care of me when I am sick, defends me in front of others, and supports my future and independence. She buys me desk heaters when I tell her the day before that I feel cold sometimes, she gets me cake when she knows I am on my period, and she considers the best for me always. During the times I despite my mom, I think about the times she has shown unconditional love.
January 6th, 2021 2:57am
Hate is a strong word and emotion. When I use it it usually means that I really care about something that was negatively impacted by someone elses actions. But that is the key, we need to separate the actions from the person. We need to remember that people are human and can make mistakes. I like to focus on people's intentions. I ask my self the following questions: Did they mean to hurt me? Are they capable of loving me the way I need? What are they missing in their life that prevents them for giving love the way they need to receive it? When I am able to stop reacting to my emotional disappointment in someones behavior I can then start to forgive them for being flawed and be more compassionate towards them as human being struggling with there own problems.
January 8th, 2021 11:24am
To understand that she is a human and is capable of making mistakes. Yes, she is a parent, but she's a human first, with her own experiences and her own past. there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a human and we just have to understand that. What your mother did - it may not be okay but it depends on so many factors - her upbringing, schooling, the way she was conditioned, her marriage and her mental health. We dont need to forget, but understanding their life and experiences is what matters. It's tough, but hating someone only hurts you.
February 21st, 2021 9:57am
First, try to understand her side of the story. Maybe there is something we missed. Then if you still think what she did was wrong then explain to her . Maybe she'll understand your side. If she did , you have no need to hate her . But in cases where she won't understand or listen, it is best not to think about it and move on. Never keep the grudge . Find a job , keep yourself busy . Do not give the time to Think about it. Because in her perspective, she is right and there is nothing we can do about it. Never show hate even if you can't control it
February 25th, 2021 4:29am
First, you need to ask yourself why do you hate your mother? Next, it may be helpful to ask yourself some boundaries, rules, and expectations that you have for your mother that will give you the sense of comfort in you and your mothers' relationship. Then communicating your feelings may be helpful in creating boundaries, rules, and expectations that can further develop your relationship into a great one. With that in mind, if the relationship is abusive either mentally, emotionally, or physically, you need to start working at letting go of this relationship that might be holding you back, or discussing this with a family therapist.
March 6th, 2021 7:41am
If you really want to stop hating your mother, try forgiving her and healing from what hurt you. If you don’t agree with her, at least try to listen to her side of the story. Actively take steps to bridge the gap between the both of you by having tea together, watching a movie or taking walks. If you're comfortable with your father, understand from his perspective when situations went sour and take his advice on what he thinks your mother's thoughts are on your relationship. Consider being a friend to her which will make it easier to forgive and let go rather than seeing her in the role of a mother. Hope this helps!
March 28th, 2021 11:53am
The first step would be understanding that hatred hurts you more than it would hurt her. Being such an extreme emotion, hate is bound to cause a lot of emotional stress that can otherwise be avoided. And try thinking about things from your mother's point of view. You might not agree with what she did or what she's doing but maybe she's just doing what she thinks is best for you. And/or she might not know better. Unfortunately, not many parents go into parenting knowing how to parent. You don't have to forgive your mother but trying to understand her point of view and why she feels that way may help.
May 23rd, 2021 5:05am
Putting yourself in her shoes or giving the benefit of the doubt towards how she was raised herself by her parents. It's possible she acts the way she acts because of how she was raised and the difficulties she faced. Every situation is different because every mother is different but psychologically how we were raised does have an impact on how we act or raise our own children so having a negative relationship and hating your own mother will actually be a detriment towards how you behave towards your own children, how you choose to make them view you, and how you develop and maintain other relationships in your life.
May 28th, 2021 3:55pm
It is valid to feel all kinds of emotions with people, your mother is a human too and so it makes sense that she is not perfect . Try to put yourself in your mother's shoes. No one gives moms a book on how to be a mother, and a lot of the time, they are just trying to figure it out the best they can. Most of the time, they just want what is best for their children and the way they express that may not always translate well. Sometimes, they could be just trying to prevent their children from making the same mistakes they made and that is their motives behind why they do some things. This may be why they do things you do not write understand. Just know life is short and our time with our parents is limited. You may not want to look back one day and realize you spent most that time hating someone who really just wanted the best for you or simply knowing you tried to forego hate could be calming when your heart and mind need that assurance and peace .
June 3rd, 2021 6:24pm
I think that with any emotion its worth exploring the function or cause. In my experience, hate was a result of anger that I was using to deal with the hurt the person I hated had caused me. Once I identified that this was the reason for my hate I asked myself if it really helped me with processing my emotions. For a period of time it did, and then I let the hate go and started moving on to acceptance. I think it's important to keep in mind that hate is one of many natural reactions to hurt and it serves a function. So my advice would be to explore the function of the hatred, why is it there? Where did it come from? How long have you felt this way? then ask yourself if its necessary. Some people feel empowered by their hatred. If this is not you, then ask yourself if you can let the hatred go. It might not happen right away, processing emotions take time after all, but eventually there will be room for peace.
July 11th, 2021 1:48pm
It helped me to consider where my mom was coming from. She did the best she could for the situations she was in. I always resented her for not standing up for me when my dad was abusive toward me, but now I understand that she wasn't psychologically strong enough to do that. I feel compassion toward her now, because she didn't have enough resources growing up to make her feel confident and capable to do what she really wanted to do. I'm sure she wanted to do what was best for me. I have used this experience as a learning tool for my own life. I have had to learn to give myself the support I needed from my parents. It's an ongoing process, but I hope I can do better than they did.
July 15th, 2021 12:40pm
This is a complex question that entails three parts of work. 1) Why do you hate her in the first place? What happened? 2) How come you no longer want to hold onto the grudge/hate? 3) Is your hate so deeply rooted that by wanting not to hate her it doesn't automatically disappear? Is your hate so complex and somewhat part of your instincts? These compartments make it impossible to me to give a tailored response. However, I can only encourage to engage with her with compassion, empathy, an open mind and open ears. Maybe her story or reasoning helps. But also take the opportunity to voice your feelings, the love, the hate, the fear. Maybe, if you manage to talk it through, you end up growing positive feelings by resolving whatever conflict happened.