Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to stop hating your mother?

216 Answers
Last Updated: 11/04/2021 at 1:49am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
September 9th, 2021 8:50pm
An important step towards no longer feeling hatred towards your mother is seeing her as a child and getting curious about her upbringing. When you have a better understanding of the ways that she was raised, and how that affected her as a child, you might begin to empathize with her behaviour. Hatred is a strong emotion. Get equally curious about where that hatred is coming from within you: is it masking hurt? Dissappointment? Can you hold your hatred out in front of you and examine it? Can you have a conversation with it and ask it what it's protecting? If you can have a calm conversation with your mother, try seeing if she has the space to listen to you. Let her know that you are experiencing deep feelings of (betrayal? sadness? remorse? embarrassment?) towards her, none of which you want to feel because you love her. If you are experiencing a lack of safety, also share that you feel nervous even bringing it up to her, but you want to share your feelings because you want to connect. Ask if she is willing to listen to you until you are finished speaking, and then allow her to respond, while keeping calm.
September 15th, 2021 2:57pm
Try to understand her, learn about her, know her story and after that put yourself in her shoes. There have definitely been times when I have felt that I can’t stand talking to my mum but then I always have the realisation, that she is one person who I will miss a lot when they are gone, I know sometimes thinking of the most extreme cases can be rather, confronting and unnecessary but one does realise the true importance of the connection and honestly I think that is what life is about. Every relationship and experience teaches us something and we do end up evolving and become the best version by the end. That’s how beautiful life is
September 23rd, 2021 2:05pm
Try to see where she's coming from. Consider what factors might have lead to her acting/thinking the way she does. Maybe it was her upbringing or maybe the society she grew up in. If you see something wrong with it and something you can't ignore, the best option would be to have an open conversation about it. If you see that either of you are willing to compromise, express your desire to change the dynamic and make things good between the two of you. Hating someone takes a lot of energy, even more so if it's someone as close as your mother. HOWEVER, if there are irreconcialiable differences, if you have suffered abuse or trauma because of her and she isn't willing to change then it's hard to stop hating her. Sometimes letting someone out of your life is the best thing to do.
September 29th, 2021 9:59am
Accepting that parental figures are also only humans who have a life of their own as well as they are really likely to make mistakes - no parent has the key of life, or the right answers and that is something that we need to aknowledge in order to have a more complete view over the situation. Our parents are never willingly hurting us, they are just acting as they think its best for us - their children for which they care. All the mistakes they are making, that cause us to hate them, are probably not bad intentioned!
October 9th, 2021 4:01am
Realizing that both of you are separated by an ocean of different experiences, years, and points of view is a good place to start. A lot of anger can stem from the desire for someone to change to be exactly what you want out of them. Regardless of their negative or toxic qualities, instead of burdening your continued happiness with hating the parent, just understand you are different people and you can choose to what degree they are in your life. As you grow older you realize that you can create your own perfect family and that it's a privilege for the parent(s) who raised you to still be in your life.
November 4th, 2021 1:49am
Sometimes our feelings can get the best of us. It can be hard to forgive what has happened to us. Everyone's situation is different, but if a person can find it in their heart to forgive, then it can rebuild and rekindle the relationship with their mother. Mothers raise us and take care of us throughout life, and it is unfortunate when some people are at odds with their mothers. Try to talk with them, try to resolve the issue or issues. Communication is key and it is important to have an open mind. Try to understand one another.