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How to stop hating your mother in law?

148 Answers
Last Updated: 11/24/2021 at 1:34pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jui Shankar, Ph.D


My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
May 26th, 2016 4:44pm
Distance your self . Don't stand or stay around people that you do not care for . That's your mother n law . You don't really have to talk to her do you ? NO! . So keep your self away from her and tell her to keep her self away from you .
May 7th, 2016 1:24pm
First, accept the negative evaluation you have for her without judgment. Next, accept her for who she is understanding that she is likely a 'victim' of cultural shaping. If she knew how, she'd run a better psychology. Feel empathy for her, realize she hasn't been able to overcome the problems of life, instead she's internalized them and they've become her.
September 25th, 2016 3:48pm
Your mother in law is not your concern . Don't waste your energies on her . Try to ignore her as much you can
April 8th, 2016 8:00pm
She may be bothersome or maybe even mean, but do your best to realize that everyone needs to be loved. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. The ones you hate could very well teach you more than you think.
May 22nd, 2016 8:29am
By ignoring her acts you hate because there is nothing you can do to change a person but you can definitly change the way it bothers you
July 13th, 2016 8:03pm
To stop hating someone you must realize hating is pointless and you only harm yourself. Mostly It’s our interpretation of other people’s actions that makes us hate them. We cause our own hate. Then think about the positives for example she created and raised your spouse. Lastly remember all us humans have pain and suffering, and work on developing compassion for the issue she may have in her life. Hate and anger are our most toxic emotions.
October 12th, 2016 6:49pm
see her as a person who has a reason why she behaves the way she behaves. I took her son away, so she feels lonely and angry, yet on the other hand she does many things unconsciously and not on purpose. There are many good things about her too
July 10th, 2016 8:34pm
Hatred is a very generic emotion. Try and find out what is it that is really bothering you. in all likelihood it can be the little stuff like, how she questions you on every action of yours, or may be how she thinks nothing you do seems to be right, or may be even ensures that yours husband is aware of all that is not right. Package them in a box called Mother in law irritants and every time she does something new just pull it there. Now think of a way to get rid of everything that you have inside that box every day. May be make a physical action of taking it out and pouring it out in a drainage. you have to let it go. and sometimes it feels stupid. But your hatred is coming from the pent up irritation and unless you make a vent it won't go. However having said that, any kind of verbal or physical abuse is non acceptable. But even for that you have to clear your mind and ensure that you are in a state of mind to stand up to the odds.
April 30th, 2016 8:18am
Start realizing that she is the woman that raised the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Slowly, you'll see the reasons why she is loved by your spouse, and slowly, you'll love her as your mother as well.
August 16th, 2019 10:00am
Ah, this is a great question. Personally, I have a great relationship with my mum in law, but things have not always been easy. There is always some understandable friction between two women who want to feel like the most important person in the same man's life. However, what has been really important for me, is to realise that my mum in law, is the singular most important reason that I found my soul mate and everything I wanted in a man. My husband is a wonderful human being, and I think his mom played an important role in raising him to be so. More importantly, I realised that we both want the same thing, which is to love and cherish her son/ my man and to keep him as happy as he deserves :) I can fully understand that it must be difficult for her to watch her little baby boy create his own family and reorient his priorities from her. That must be a lot to come to terms with. Therefore, I try to treat her with the same understanding and empathy that I hope my future daughter in law will find me deserving of. And in doing so, I realised that when you are open and love them unconditionally, they return the same affection manifold :) I am eternally grateful to her and love my mum in law! Share if you do too :)
September 17th, 2016 5:46am
We're supposed to be happy if let's say your dad in this case is, right? I really don't think there is a way to instantly stop hating a mother in law, but we need to know that they're good enough for our dads, so they're surely good enough for us. We should be happy for each other, even if that means putting them first and our emotions to the side. Try to build a relationship, try to put your dislike of them to the side.
June 15th, 2016 4:37pm
It's sometimes difficult to be in relationship with your spouses parents or siblings, like the Fockers movies, there is a circle of trust. If you feel like she dislikes you can you share a situation where you particularly felt it?
April 8th, 2016 7:03am
There must be a reason that you are holding on to as to why you hate her. Find a way to deal with that reason, forgive her and move forward.
July 7th, 2019 4:33pm
Set boundaries. Try to focus on what you love about your spouse and know that your mother in law had some part in contributing to this part of your spouse that you love. Remain civil and polite, you are not married to your mother in law just their child. Make sure your spouse understands that you don’t appreciate spur of the moment events of any kind. Spur of the moment events leave you unprepared which is never fun. Take the reigns and set time limits. For example, let’s plan to stay for two hours max. Again! Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
May 14th, 2016 5:08am
Now this one can be tricky, but I believe there is a way. I had this same problem. I just tried my hardest to ignore all of her faults and flaws and focused on her good features. I quit thinking about her complaining about how my hair 'was too flat' and started thinking about how good she can cook. I found this to work very well. Good luck though, this my not work for everybody.
February 13th, 2020 3:40am
My husband, and I have been together for 15 1/2 years. I’ve honestly found it pretty much impossible to relate to my MIL. It’s also important to know that some people are just miserable, and toxic. It’s frustrating to me, because she now lives with us, because she refused to get a job. Her mother took care of her, and when her mother passed. It somehow became our responsibility. This is a woman who for the first 5 years called me every name, but my own, “Karen, Susan, Hey Girl” My daughter is 16. This woman doesn’t even view my daughter as her granddaughter!. She completely refused to help me when I needed it, while my husband was over seas with the military. I’ve tried so hard to let it go, but I hold a lot of resentment towards her. Especially now that we’re responsible for everything involving her. It’s not easy to keep giving, and giving to someone who wouldn’t even spat on you if you were on fire. My husband is completely on my side, but I also understand that it’s his mother. She’s controlling, invasive, and has completely rearranged, and taken over my entire house. Yes if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have my husband, but in no way shape or form does anyone have to continue to respect someone that doesn’t respect you.
May 15th, 2016 2:14am
If you really dislike someone, it's often hard to stop disliking them. Showing them kindness often reciprocates kindness though, and your best bet may simply be being nice to her.
Anonymous - Expert in Family Stress
April 27th, 2016 10:18pm
Try to get to know her. Find something you have in common and make a point to do that with her every once in a while. You'll be able to bond while doing something you love so it won't seem as bad.
May 18th, 2016 12:05pm
Sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk. There is nothing that cannot be solved by talking.
May 25th, 2016 9:46pm
Take her out for dinner and ask her questions like what was your childhood like and questions that will better help you understand her.
June 22nd, 2016 10:21pm
You can remember one thing she did well or what she has done for your partner when he or she was young, and focus on that particular thing. When you are in a situation where your mother in law is getting on your nerves, you can just pretend to listen to her and think about something else.
May 8th, 2016 9:15am
I would try to see her good characteristics and think of those.Try to find some things you have in common.Remember she is human and makes mistakes and has feelings too.She raised the man you love,so there has to be good qualities about her if you look for them.Try working on your relationship with her.Try doing some activities together that you both enjoy like watching a movie together or having lunch together for example.This could help you build a stronger bond.Treat her with love,kindness and respect.Try to see her as a friend instead of an enemy.
June 26th, 2016 6:28pm
Get to know her better. All she wants to do is protect the child that you married. Just kill her with kindness. No matter what she says, show her that it wont phase you.
May 16th, 2018 1:00pm
get to know her and maybe you might see a new side of her. ask her some questions and she might have an interesting story to tell
March 3rd, 2018 6:45am
Hey there !! Start off by ignoring her flaws and accept it and see the bright side of her. How she is as a person .
May 1st, 2016 1:16pm
Find common ground and see what you guys have in common :) and then let it take off from there and grow step by step with each other
June 2nd, 2016 5:35am
It can be a difficult thing to not get along with someone. What can be even more of a challenge is when you dont get along with those closest to you, or those that are in your life. Relationships with inlaws can at times be complicated. The important thing is to try and communicate your differences with each other. Perhaps talking over the things that keep you from getting along can put you in a better place with one another. Having a mediator with you both could also be very helpful (such as a counselor or therapist) Having an "impartial person" to help shed some light on your differences and why they are there, might help your feelings to soften, and help you to move forward.
April 26th, 2018 6:05am
Try to get to know her, try to accept her, and do not let hate ruin your day. Allow yourself to forgive and move on. Its in everyones best interest.
April 8th, 2016 2:16pm
by trying to see things from her point of view
April 27th, 2016 3:03pm
you can try and get on with for your girlfriend or wife's sake and you can sit with her and have a good chat together