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How to stop hating your mother in law?

148 Answers
Last Updated: 11/24/2021 at 1:34pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
Moderated by

Jui Shankar, Ph.D

Psychologist

My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 15th, 2016 5:44am
Truth beauty love. A mother-in-law is a person, so this advice is good for getting over 'hating' a person you will see now and then. Ask yourself: what is at the root of your hate of this person? Be honest with yourself about it, and then be honest about it with the person. Calmly say to them: "I'm upset that you ___. Can we talk about this?" Communication and honesty are the keys to everything. Really try to give this conversation an adult try. If that conversation doesn't help to resolve the tension between you and the person, then tolerance is your new game. If your loved one wants this person in their life and you love them, you will have to accept that they'll be there. You don't need to like someone to tolerate them, just be pleasant.
JD821
September 15th, 2016 3:21pm
Try to see if there are things that you two have in common with each other, spend time with one another, break down each other's walls. I used to hate the mother in law, but the more time spent, the easier it got. Show them that you're not bothered. In some cases, this can't work as it takes two people, but if the mother for example is always passive aggressive toward you, then that's unhealthy, and I would talk to your partner about it.
samanthajesp1
September 17th, 2016 8:47am
Try to think of a list of good things about her and focus on them. It can be simple things, like I like the way she cleans her house, or whatever.
magnanimousButton53
September 23rd, 2016 10:44am
It depends on situations. If possible try to forgive and ignore her. If stubborn or is affecting your relationship then just forget to expect anything and just be busy with yourself
Anonymous
October 6th, 2016 2:51am
This is a normal feeling for most people. I overcame it when I started treating my mother in law like a friend and not a mother in law.
peacefulRiver18
October 7th, 2016 11:12am
Let's think she is your own mother, all she does just want her child be good and happiness. And sometime maybe she needs her child to take care of her and be patient with her.
Ifyouneedhelpimhear
October 8th, 2016 11:51am
To stop hating your mother I law you can do something with them. Or just spend some time bonding. For example, go to a restaurant
truthSeeker71
October 15th, 2016 4:57am
Stop taking her personally. Realise she has her own history and insecurities that might affect her behaviour.
Anonymous
October 26th, 2016 11:13am
First come to terms that as long as she's alive and you stay with your spouse, she's going to be a part of your life. Secondly, try to find something - anything - good about her that you like and try to make that your focus.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2016 8:55pm
Find a common ground, anything at all that will bond the relationship. Even if she's wrong, they are your spouses mother and unlikely to go anywhere unless something happens in the marriage. It is a lasting relationship that doesn't have to be difficult
Anonymous
November 17th, 2016 11:24pm
Maybe create some hobbies with her. Go out with her more often to see what she likes. This way you can learn more about her. Bond over something you never that she liked. Mainly, try to find out what she likes.
olivejar
December 23rd, 2016 9:36am
First off - you're not alone. Many people feel stress resulting from their in-laws inherent need to protect their child. I would recommend when feeling this stress to acknowledge that it may not be coming from a place of anger but rather one of stress or concern on their part. Try to afford them the reasonable doubt you would like others to afford you.
SkeletonPilots
February 1st, 2017 4:21am
Try to be open-minded and be willing to accept her. If you feel as if she isn't making n effort, then try approaching her or your partner.
Anonymous
February 16th, 2017 3:12pm
It is very difficult sometimes to get on well with your in-laws, but just think about the fact that they gave you the person you love so much. They raised him/her and they were and part of his/her life. Try to find ease in this thought.
AthenaD39
March 8th, 2017 2:40am
First off, what did your mother in law do? What has she done? What words were exchanged? By focusing on these questions, perhaps talking to her in a civilized way may make for reconciliation. On the other hand, I can relate to this question. My mother in law never made me feel welcome and always said hurtful things to me. In return, I could never fully love her. She never apologized for anything she did or said. After she passed, I wished I could have talked to her to gain her understanding.
cherryblossoms1000
April 13th, 2017 11:40pm
Accepting that another person would take the place of one of our native parents - and often the most important people in our lives - is a though process. But sometimes hating does nothing good. To stop hating her I believe you should try to understand that it is for you own sake to accept the person as she is to stop suffering.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2017 1:46am
Try to see things from her point of view, talk to her and find a mutual like or dislike. Common ground helps a lot. Also, try to see things from a neutral perspective next time you see or talk to her. The automatic hate can could your judgment of her could paint a negative picture instead of positive.
Anonymous
May 12th, 2017 2:56pm
Try to understand things from her point of view, it can be hard to accept someone new especially if they've done something to hurt you. Telling the person their problems helps get it off their chest.
Dancingeyes
June 3rd, 2017 4:24pm
Remember to try to find the good in her. Sometimes we either idealize or feminine others and that flip can switch in an instant. To remember that life is not black and white and that we all are only human, you may begin to see some positive.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2017 6:22pm
Is a hard question because, you have to remember every head is a word, and probably she is seeing things in a different way than you, and probably she do actions that hurt you, but you have to remember the only person you can control is your self.
Hereforyou212
July 12th, 2017 1:31am
Get to know her better , maybe you just don't know her well enough , but you're just judging her . Get close to her , have time with her and you might change your thoughts
Anonymous
August 1st, 2017 3:52pm
Find out why are you hating on your mother in law, then try to understand how she feel about you. Put yourself in her shoes, how'd you feel if your mother in law hates you?. If she does something you hate, try to tolerate it. Think of her as your own mother or aunt.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2017 3:58pm
Get to know her , talk to her , cook her food lmao , but yeah talk to her and you will create a bond . Good luck love !
devotedlistener
October 21st, 2017 12:44pm
Generally, you dislike/hate a person because the things they do tend to upset you deeply. One thing you can do to stop hating someone is to talk to this person and try to understand what motivates them to perform the certain actions that you don't like. In my personal experience, once you know the intentions behind an action, you it understand better and then the hate just goes away. That is, of course, if the actions come from a good place. If the person has malicious intentions then your best bet to avoid feeling hatred is to avoid that person as much as you can. Hope this helps, good luck :)
Anonymous
November 8th, 2017 6:05pm
When youre father love her, you can try be good with her for your father. You can be good friends with her, let's try!
TourmalineSkies
November 17th, 2017 1:12pm
just stop, you dont go anywhere with hating. start to actually get to know her, maybe she is a great person in the end!
Anonymous
November 19th, 2017 8:37pm
Sometimes we hate her because we believe that she is the person who broke our family. But its not her fault! We have to think she is also a person wirh feelings and that her purpose is not to make us feel bad, but stay with our father.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2017 10:45am
Hating an in law can be a very challenging thing. Figuring out the things that you hate so much might help you to get past all of them and move forward with your relationship with her
Alyssa84
November 29th, 2017 4:54pm
Communicate with your mother in law more,have 1-on-1 sessions with her to understand her better and for her to understand you more so both of you will be able to know both of you do certain things and the reason behind the parenting styles each of you use/used.That way,you won't feel like your mother in law is such a bad person so you will be able to stop hating her
Alden909
December 1st, 2017 12:04am
It isn’t always easy dealing with family members whether they are family by birth or by marriage. What do you see as the problems in the relationship between you and her