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How to stop hating your mother in law?

148 Answers
Last Updated: 11/24/2021 at 1:34pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
Moderated by

Jui Shankar, Ph.D

Psychologist

My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
Ahadi
December 7th, 2017 5:57pm
try to recognize the small things that are admirable. nobody is 100% evil. Try to compliment her on the good qualities she possesses and it will get easier with time
wonderous
December 8th, 2017 11:39pm
Everyone is mortal. Try looking at her with empathy~as if she was going to live for only short more.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2017 10:39am
You can speak to her and listen what she has to say maybe she is not what she looks like and you end up liking her
Anonymous
December 28th, 2017 8:58am
Try seeing the good in her. Perhaps you don't like her personality or the way she treats you, but you can always focus on her love for her family or her hobbies, or something like that. Seeing the good in someone is always the first step to liking them more.
lalaelfavitov2
January 31st, 2018 5:47pm
Treat her the same way you would treat your own mother. She might find fault in everything you do but take all that as a part of challenge to become a better person in the future. Listen to her and agree whichever fault she found in you. Practice to say sorry and thank you.
Anonymous
February 2nd, 2018 9:04am
Though I don't have a mother-in-law... But you obviously love her son or daughter. Just think, without that woman. They wouldn't be here
Soulfree
February 9th, 2018 8:38am
Just imagine that your mother being hated by her daughter in law. You will automatically stop hating her
PrettyCupcake00
March 1st, 2018 6:41am
Hey love! We hold a very negative impression of mother in laws that she'll be strict and so on but that's not the case for 90% but as we already hold a negative impression it affects our relationship with her negatively. She is your mother and you should accept her like one.
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2018 3:26pm
First think what annoys you about your mother in law or what you dislike about her. Remind yourself that these are only little things that you can learn to accept about this mother in law. Also understand that this is your partners mother who probably loves their mother!
SnakesAreFriends
April 4th, 2018 3:46am
Learning how to cope with intense feelings like this is hard and takes time. I've had problems getting along with my mother in the past. To help me manage my feelings, I would focus on how having a good relationship would make my dad happy and help relieve some of the stress he was feeling. I may still not agree with her but I've learned to be civil and do the right thing for my family. Sometimes writting down your feelings or telling someone you trust can be a good way to express your feelings while still working on your relationship with the person.
Anonymous
April 6th, 2018 3:59pm
the only way that you can stop hating your mother-in-law is Simply Having a conversation. Getting to know what she is all about and allowing her to get to know everything about how you are how are you think how you feel. you must always understand that mother-in-law's are very protective of their child period. Always remember one important lesson one day you yourself will be and then law and you in order to understand and have a better relationship is to truly understand from your in-laws side and point of views. They just fear that their loved one will be hurt and you must have share them that their child will not be hurt but loved.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2018 1:42pm
Use the love for ur spouse as common ground. You both love him/her, try to find common hobbies or similar
BerkserkDog505
May 24th, 2018 10:53pm
try to see where shes coming from and try to get close to her and then maybe the two of you could get along and be friendly towards each other.
Ree91
June 1st, 2018 11:30pm
If you will stop thinking of her as your mother in law and start thinking of her as your mother then one can stop hating her mother in law
Anonymous
June 24th, 2018 10:33am
Well, I'd say square things up between you two. Most important thing is listen to her and respect her. Show her that you care for the family and it'll always comes first.
Fatimzammn
June 28th, 2018 12:00pm
Talk to her. Clear all misunderstandings. Let this process take some time. Being myself good is enough 😊
JeshuaMorbus
July 1st, 2018 10:13am
Reminding yourself you're a person as she is. And every person is a world, like yourself. Every person has their own issues with life, problems and solutions. I can imagine you think she doesn't walk in your shoes but, did you try to walk in hers? Look at her situation and, after that, consider if judging her hatefully is something she deserves or, worse, needs. Remember that the world is full of people.
RobynHood1903
July 8th, 2018 11:00am
understand her and try to stay positive. talk to her one on one with a good composure and make sure to minimize conflict. treat her with respect and forgive her
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 11:47am
I would focus on other things in my life, like friends, studies or good family. I think that would help
Ana4hear
July 15th, 2018 9:54pm
Just think she is your mother. And love her. Try to understand her in empathetic way. You will Feel closer to her.
RyGuyListener10
July 19th, 2018 6:03am
Reflect on why you hate her in the first place. You may just misunderstand her. If she treats you or her daughter poorly, try doing the exact opposite to her. Kindness is infectious. Small to medium gestures of love and kindness tend to open people up and in turn they start to act in a similar way. We teach people how to treat us, so slowly breaking down that wall is a great way to start.
HappyGoldenSunShine
July 20th, 2018 2:58pm
Figure out what's making you hate her and sit down with her and talk about it... if she's not the talking kind, go ahead and buy her a present.. I know you're the one hating her now, but getting her a gift and being nice to her will make her show the best in her (logically we all have a good and bed side, we just choose what to show to who) so just take the initiative.
wonderousKitty16
August 1st, 2018 7:46pm
Think and reflect on the relationship you have with the MIL and understand yourself first what makes you feel hatred towards her?. Depending on the reason make a decision whether or not you want to continue having a toxic feeling towards her or if there is something you can do to change the way you feel. Talk to her and express your feelings. Think about the good memories and positives before you started hating her. Forgive and forget and learn to move on as life is too short to hold grudges and it’s less work loving someone than it is creating hatred and doing so will make you feel worse and give you negative vibes!
vroomvrooom
August 8th, 2018 1:20pm
By trying to understand her, empathise her, accept her, and most importantly forgive her for the way she treats you.
Rooevans01
August 10th, 2018 7:50pm
I think you should spend more time with her and get to know her personally and how she is as a person
Anonymous
November 1st, 2018 4:52pm
By keeping healthy boundaries and putting aside intrusive thoughts. Respect her as she is, and do not dive into discussions that would risk to bring up more hatred to the surface, and on top of that be PATIENT! I know it may be hard to keep our cool in some situations; especially when the mother in law is mean. Maybe looking at her qualities would help hating her less? In reality, looking at someone's qualities helps a lot appreciating them more. If we want to stop hating someone, we need first to understand why we hate them? Answering that question would probably help even though it seems simple.
Favor2020
November 12th, 2018 10:04pm
Well, I would say first try to have a forgiving heart and try to treat all adults with respect regardless what they say or do to you. After that I would say try to be nice to her and try to remain open to new ways of communicating and new ways of approaching a person with a bad spirit. With love in your heart you will eventually be able to pull her over to your side and if all this fails just have a come to Jesus sit down with your mother - in - law and tell her that she is causing problems in your home and that you do not appreciate it and if she can not respect you in your home or around your husband. It might be best that she stay away from your family. Until she can become a much better person with a positive out look on life.
ingeniousPeace79
January 16th, 2019 11:24am
It's the same with everyone else really. Doesn't matter the title, that is. Mother in law, or whatever else mother she might be :D Hate is the keyword, and that feeling happens within you. It's not "coming" from her. You actually build it yourself. Not You yourself per se, but your subconscious does it. According to your truths, and beliefs. But what is hate? Why hate? As i see it, hate comes after we try to bully the Laws. (maybe it's the irony of the law :D, to use the mother in law for this :D) We don't know the rules of this place, We think we are powerful, that we can bend the laws, We try to be "free" (that is, whatever i want has to happen, because i'm the boss or whatever) Then the universe responds, or the Law responds. Like: "sorry, pal, but if you want a ferrari, you need to pay more than 10$" :D Then hate. Hate never comes first, it's just the shadow of wanting to control whatever you don't control. And usually people start creating hate because the price, usually. They expect a price (or a situation, that costs a certain price), and that doesnt happen, and hate buildup starts. The best action, when hate happens, is to bring in the antidote. That is, calm. Calm eliminates hate. Calm also brings in the best state to cooperate with the universe (that is, paying the right prices for everything that we want)
Anonymous
March 3rd, 2019 8:33am
Try knowing or talking with her about anything. Just be kind and smile to her will also help. Rather than hating, find a reason for you to stop hating her might be help :) Try finding her good traits like “she’s a good cook” “she is nice to me” and something like that. Also, it’s okay to hate if you have the reason but not okay if you just hate her with unreasonable reason. Try be kind and understand her too. Or put yourself on her shoes, what would you feel if someone hate you. Let’s do this! Cheer up fam
Lonna87
June 5th, 2019 5:51pm
First you must ask yourself why you feel that you hate her. When you have those reasons figured out, ask yourself what you think is so bad about those reasons and if it's something that you and her can compromise over. Have you spoke to her or asked exactly why she is doing the things that make you hate her? If you have and it hasn't turned out well you can always try a different approach with being very kind to her. Kindness makes things change for the better in some situations like this. If you haven't spoken to her, what's holding you back?