Moderated by
Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.
Top Rated Answers
It really depends on the situation but it's entirely possible to just grow apart from someone you were once close to or simply learn to resent them. Most people keep certain pains affecting them from their spouse, and sometimes they build up till you can just no longer stand that person. I'd recommend considering divorce or couples therapy, but only know you can know what is best for your current situation
Anonymous
October 19th, 2016 11:09pm
You may hate them because of one of their habits. Or maybe you thought you liked them until you had to commit to them for the rest if your life.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2016 11:41am
Try to find out what makes you hate them, whether its attitude, somethings they say or what they do. Then try to talk it out with them. They are there to help you.
Only you will be able to determine why this is but perhaps consider writing down the things that you think they have done to make you feel this way. Does anything come to mind after some thought? It might be worth waiting until you can calmly communicate your feelings to them focusing on how situations have made you feel. Also thinking of a compromise to resolve the issues might help to diffuse any situations of high emotions should they arise. What you do after that is entirely up to you.
Maybe your feeling for them have just fizzled over time. It's perfectly okay and not your fault. Consider couples counselling or just talking to your partner to work out your issues and and maybe come up with a solution
Well, hate's is a pretty strong work. Odds are, you changed as people and you highly dislike the person they've become or the person that they were while they pretended to be someone different. It's nearly impossible to "Hate" someone, but you can really "dislike" the way what they do, say, or have done and said makes you feel. Odds are, if you think that you "Hate" Your spouse, it may be time to start communicating or walk away. When a word like "Hate" comes along, the situation has already started/is toxic.
Because you want your partner to give you something that he/she is not able to give you. It's also possible that you are expecting too much from you partner. Are you giving you as much love as you can for your partner?
Hate is a strong word. Maybe you are uncomfortable with their habits or yours and theirs choice of interests might not have matched. I think you should try talking to them why you feel like that towards them. Hope you get your problems resolved.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2017 12:10pm
Falling in love and falling out of love are very natural. When we fall in love with someone there is always a chance that we might fall out for love too. After marriage life takes a drastic change, there are major changes in your everyday life and if you do not like that changes you tend to associate them with your spouse. You feel that the change happened because of them and you start to hate them as well. You need to understand that your spouse is going through the same changes and needs your understanding not hatered.
In my experience marriage has its ups and downs. I think life is so busy, sometimes we forgot to make time for the people we care about. It's all too easy to stop communicating our wants and needs to our spouses and this can result in resentment. Opening up the channels of communication, really talking about how you feel, is key to a healthy relationship. Marriage takes work and sometimes we have to put other things aside to give it the attention it needs.
There can be a numerous amount of reasons as to why! One of the most common is that they end up being a completely different person that you had never expected them to be (or wanted them to be, if you take expectations into consideration). Another is that you don't actually want to spend the rest of your life with them and end up disliking their presence strongly. As for situational factors, it could be a situation that occurred in the past that still lingers in your emotions/mind. Perhaps you may not directly remember it, but its influence is still there!! Hope that gives you an overall idea of what could be going on!!
Have you spoken to him or her about your feelings? When did the feeling of this hatred begin to arise?
Hopefully you don't hate your spouse; if you do seek a marriage counselor! Maybe you feel you have lost the spark of your marriage and it seems you hate your spouse. Try going out on a weekly date, remember the days when you fell in love with your spouse and try to recreate the good times and always remember "FORGIVE" -- no one is perfect; we all make mistakes!
A lot of people feel like this during their marriage, most people go through a rough patch and if you are stressed yourself every little negitive thing is magnified
Be careful when you say hate. If you married this person, then you must have loved them at some point. Try to think of why you dislike your spouse and put yourself in their shoes
Two people after time may start to become distant from when they first both met or became a couple. Not everything works out, you either resolve it or leave it.
Anonymous
October 25th, 2017 4:30am
Expectation of a ideal partner in every aspect is the desire of every one. We should be ready to accept our spouse with all their misgivings. love, respect and trust is to be worked upon by both to compromise, forgive and build a family of a certain values and principles.
When you are married to someone, having strong feelings towards them (positive or negative) seems normal. One would hope that you could work with them to understand what is hurting you, and your spouse would make reasonable accommodations for you.
Relationships are the most complex things we have as humans. It could stem from a loss of connection which is maintained by having an understanding of how you both communicate. A need not being met by your partner. By doing some exploration into who you are and what you need can give some light to your answer.
Well, if you hate your spouse, you must know why. Is it attrativeness? Is it their debt? Is it that they gossip?
Many times it can be a collection of different things all at once. In this case, communication, openness, and willingness is important. Talk to each other, be open to their reactions, and be willing to change yourself or accept them as they are. Hopefully they can reciprocate.
because they may have some qualities that may be reminding you about someone in your past that may have hurt you or done something to you that may have hurt you
The feeling of hating your husband/wife must have started with the small things. Un-confronted one small thing over another small thing that resulted to one mountain pile of reasons to hate your partner. Or it might also be lack of effort and time to really fall in love with your partner. Staying in love and sustaining that passion requires a lot of hard work and devotion. =)
Why would I hate my wife? Well, she lied to me about a relationship she had with a "friend" and has now lost my trust and some respect. Now I don't enjoy being around her like I once did. I have felt guilty about being around her when she was naked but that is changing slowly. I really want the passion and connection to return but I understand that this takes time
We don't start out hating each other, but behavioral patterns tend to gain momentum, when an individual's needs go unmet. Even with skill in reflection present in both partners, triggering can cause aggression. Partners should work through a third party to vent frustration, and insulate hostile communications temporarily, until things cool off!
Sometimes in life we find that we have lost a passion that we once had. In this case, it's the love for a spouse. Life can be strenuous on a marriage. The routine and the repetition takes away the spontaneity. Bills and money can make like seem less grand, and you experience all of this with your spouse. You see their good, their bad, and their ugly, and they see yours. Life isn't as good as the movies, sadly. In this case, try to remember what you fell in love with in the first place. Remember that we are all less glamorous that we would like to be, and try to find that intimacy again. Make time for sex, romance, and conversation in every week. You will find that love comes more easy when you become friends again.
Do you hate them, or are you projecting hate from an unfulfilled expectation? Take a look at what it is you say you hate about them and work backwards to the reasoning. Is it because you expected them to be a certain way and they're not?
Well, this can be a very general question. Do you specifically hate something about them or that they do? If so, communication is key! Have a conversation gently with them about whats going on! If you are feeling resentment or anger, you could consider therapy or counseling, to get to the root of the issue :)
there can be many reasons for this. have they hurt you emotionally or physically? or have you just fallen out if love? hate is a very strong word (omg I hate that phrase) so you might not hate them but just hate something they have done. talk to them about it
Anonymous
February 9th, 2018 4:13am
Sometimes it is just a feeling of how you don't measure up and no one understands and gets you. It can be difficult sometimes as though you're not good enough. Can be hard sometimes.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2018 10:10am
Hate is heavy. It is easy to hate your spouse especially when you feel that you are not happy in that relationship that you thought you would be, but all the hate and Love comes from within you and you have to search yourself and let go the resentment. Purpose to see the good in your partner.
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