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I hate my husband or wife. Why?

120 Answers
Last Updated: 07/24/2020 at 2:22am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Raifiel Cyril, Masters in Applied Psychology


Everyone needs a little support from time to time to take the next step. I am here to listen and help you achieve what your heart desires.

Top Rated Answers
February 16th, 2018 1:13pm
There could be lots of reasons. You could have expected them o be different, and when they aren't what you want that will definitely change how you feel. A lot of marriages fall because of finances, too. If you can't agree what to spend money on then that will change everything, most likely.
February 21st, 2018 12:31am
In a relationship, we have what are called normal incompatibilities. It's healthy and shouldn't be avoided. An incompatibility is something that you and your husband/wife disagree about. You and your partner aren't the same person, and have different ideas and come from different social backgrounds, which is why this is completely normal and fine. BUT how you handle them is key. If they aren't managed well, meaning you and your partner butt heads or can't decide what to eat even for example, this can cause a lingering sense of tension in the relationship. It's all about how you handle the incompatibilities. This feeling of hate might stem from things that haven't been resolved and I would suggest trying to figure out what might be unresolved. I've learned all of this from my social psychology class which focuses on interpersonal relationships. Hope this helps :)
March 3rd, 2018 6:29pm
It could be for a lot of reasons, maybe it's something they've said or done, possibly just the fact you no longer want to be with them.
April 14th, 2018 3:01am
If you feel this way there is something wrong. Talk about it or communicate because it's important to tell each other how you feel instead of keeping it locked in a key. If you talk things out one on one I don't think you'll hate them
May 2nd, 2018 10:39pm
Depending on how long you've been with them it is all circumstantial. Marriage is a commitment because of the hard times. It's not suppose to be easy but if it is meant to be, the unity will always remains.
May 19th, 2018 1:14am
Hate is a very strong emotion. Why did you chose to use the word hate, rather than dislike? Please tell me more.
May 20th, 2018 6:23pm
Do you think he/ she does not reflect your own goals in life? Maybe he/ she might not give you the attention or respect you desire. Or maybe they did something you can't forgive them for, but in their eyes it was an innocent mistake?
May 23rd, 2018 4:52am
A lot of times we marry someone who has a lot of charaqcteristics of one of our parents. We are replicating a relationship we are used to and in somer way also trying to heal ourselves by creating again the situations that wounded us and hoping we can overcome it. Just as our parents push our buttonns and made us feel strong emotions and even hate so too our spouses arouse ths same emotions in us and a times we hate them
June 8th, 2018 2:37pm
Sometimes the people we fall for aren't meant to be in our lives and you might have realized this after a while. It's completely normal to develop "negative" feelings towards loved ones and usually they'll pass by their own or by talking about the situation with the other person.
June 15th, 2018 4:09pm
"Hate" is quite a strong word to say. You might want to de-intensify that a bit. Ask yourself this: how would you feel if they get hit by a bus tomorrow? Annoyance, dislike and anger can soon turn to hate. Maybe their persistent and they annoy you. Maybe they have pet peeves. Maybe their temper bothers you. Maybe they keep doing what you tell them not to do. But it's important to go down to the nitty gritty and remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place!
July 6th, 2018 4:59pm
Is it really hate or is it dislike? Make sure to know which one. It could be that things have changed in the marriage. You may be unhappy. Talk to your spouse. It will only get worse if you bottle any issues up and if you can try counseling as a couple and individually if needed. Nothing will change if you don’t try to change them. If at some point nothing works, at least you both tried.
July 20th, 2018 12:40pm
just because they are your husband or wife does not mean they are the one for you, people change after years and years, it’s okay to want a change yourself
October 21st, 2018 6:03am
Your marriage isn't a fairy-tail, because life isn't one either. Your marriage is a blessing, not a curse. Don't be afraid to fall back in love. You'll never know what you've got until it's gone. If you've been hurt though, understand that there are people that are better than them. You deserve to be happy. If you're married, I'll tell you one thing: my wife is a blessing. But I wouldn't expect her to stay with me if I was abusive. I love her, you can find that too. There's a wonderful world out there. Please don't give up girls. God loves all, but I think he loves cowgirls more than any.
October 27th, 2018 2:57pm
Sometimes love fades. Remember, marriage was invented when the average life length was like 40 years. People didn't stay with the same person for longer than 30 years. So it's not unusual for you to stop loving someone you spend every day of your life with. Many people also start hating their husband/wife... It is not unusual. How many times haven't you heard a reference to hating your ex in a movie? When the love it gone and you are still "forced" to spend every second of your free time in the same house, obviously you would get irritated. But you also might not hate them. It could simply be a reaction to not loving them anymore.
December 16th, 2018 11:56am
Hate is a strong feeling but it may well be how you feel. If you had to choose another word, which will it be? Once you can identify your feeling further, can you think when it started? When was the last time you didn’t feel that way? Has this feeling become worse overtime? I am asking those questions because only you know the answer. As you try to answer those questions you will slowly identify the reason for your feeling. To feel that way about a person could be because of what has person said or done , but sometimes it is because of our own issues that we direct to another to protect ourself. So I cannot tell you why you hate your spouse, the answer is in you. In my case it was the feeling of being dependent on my spouse financially. The fact you are asking the question shows me you have made a the first step of identifying a feeling that you do not want. It shows me you will find your answer. However If you do feel unsafe with your spouse i urge you to reach for help. I hope you will find your answer and will take the steps to stop that feeling . It is an emotionally draining situation to hate the person we live with. So ne kind to yourself and use any help you can get and any relaxing time you can afford. I wish you to feel better soon.
May 9th, 2019 5:04am
Most of the time, when you feel like you hate your spouse, you may actually be feeling something else (hurt, disappointment, or rejection, for example) but aren’t identifying it correctly. Once you realize the root of the emotion, it's easier to fix. So, let's say you're thinking: “I hate you! You’re such a slob!” What you may actually be feeling is disappointment that he isn't pulling his weight with the chores. To fix it, try saying: “I would love for all the dirty clothes to be in the laundry basket.” (See how we avoided any negativity?) Then, let him know why you’d like that change. For example, “I would feel a lot less resentful and would be less cranky if you’d help remove that obstacle from my day." Insight into where the root of the hate comes from will help you make changes for a more fulfilling relationship.
November 29th, 2019 3:07pm
This is a very common adults face in their marriage. Often, people will date and have a happy relationship but once they get married and their lives become intertwined, they sometimes find out that their relationship isn't the same anymore. The reasons for this are complex and vary from couple to couple, but it's often the lack of compatible traits between each other that leads to an unhappy marriage. It takes a lot of continuous work and commitment for a marriage to function. For some people, this comes naturally and they enjoy being around their partner. For others, it's not so easy. Often, it's one individual who works harder in the relationship. This leads to resentment and if not addressed properly, will lead to the couple hating each other.
February 9th, 2020 5:08pm
Why did you say that? Is it because of the daily routine? Or you need time for yourself? You have to decide. I think you need to talk to your partner about that. Tell them how you feel. And see what happens. Sometimes the routine and the parenthood does that. Try to find new ways to make your marriage more interesting. Why don’t you travel together? Have more experiences with each other. It’s another thing if you didn’t marry them by love. Or you were forced for this marriage. But if you failed then you can be separated without problems.
March 28th, 2020 11:25pm
Feeling like you have a strong emotion such as hate is often a common emotion in relationships from time to time. If that strong emotion is interfering with your ability to parent , keep a job or perform as well as your have in the past then you should seek out a therapist or confide in a medical professional and ask for guidance. If your spouse has done something directly to you to make you feel this way then you may have to reconsider your relationship and your reasons for staying in the relationship. Hate is a strong word that people use when they are frustrated or upset. But you need to get to the bottom of why you feel this way with a professional mental health person
April 9th, 2020 6:46am
Hate is a really strong word. You should think about the past experiences you have had together - have there been any recent events that cause you to feel this way? Think of how both of you have changed as people? Think about when you first fell in love with them and what you have learned about your husband/wife since then. I think that it is important to know whether you really do hate them or if this is just a temporary feeling or frustration or disappointment at a recent event that occurred where they may not have met your expectations.
April 9th, 2020 7:01pm
Case(1): Maybe because you didn't marry him/her with love as you may have liked him/her as a friend and the case of marriage was not a wise decision. Case(2): Maybe because you are meeting other people meaning that you are putting your eyes on other girls or men rather than your wife/husband. Case(3): Maybe because you married each other due to mutual interests not real true love. Meaning that you love him/her for looks, money and job. Case(4):Maybe you expect from him/her way to much and you realized that this is what he/she can do (this would also affect him/her negatively (self-esteem))
April 23rd, 2020 5:03pm
Hate is a very strong word, and only you can know the answer to this question. Let's explore your feelings about your husband/wife and your situation. Think about whether you hate him/her all the time or when she/he does something that irritates you? If the person is just that bad or even evil, you must be feeling miserable living with a person who you hate so much. If you are trying to figure out why you hate him/her, look deep inside and list things that you hate about the person and then list things you like about him/her, meditate on this list.
April 25th, 2020 6:37pm
I’m sorry to here that your feeling this way. The matter in hand is that if your feeling something other then love then it’s time to have that talk about what your really craving. It sounds like something about your husband or wife is missing such as love or friendship and it’s important to figure that out in order to better ferment the message. It’s important to be honest without yourself even if it is painful because it can be. It’s important to do what best for your outcome and self because it can lead to better future in the lens.
May 1st, 2020 2:14am
Maybe they turn out not matching your expectations. Maybe your expectations are very high. The understanding matters mostly. Trust is a must. Having faith in each other makes the understanding strong. Some days are good with partners and some days are bad. It does not mean you love or hate them the same. Its some how a mistake to expect from someone. Even from a person this close. I understood by being in this relationship that love do have a very small age. After that the spark is gone and no matter how hard you try, it cannot be the same again. There will always a difference. In this case, it does not mean you hate them. You just simply stop expecting certain things from them. Things you need, things you want.
May 22nd, 2020 3:07am
This is a very open-ended questions. There are many reasons you can hate your husband/wife. Maybe they are not treating you as they should be. Maybe they have severally hurted you in some way (physical/mental abuse, cheating, ...etc.) that makes it difficult for you to forgive what they've done. Maybe their entire persona has changed after being married to you for a few years and is not the same person you thought you had married. Try to look deep within yourself and ask yourself why you think you "hate" your husband/wife. From there, communicate your feeling to your partner about the issue you have with them and see if you guys can work things out or go to marriage counseling. After all this, you can proceed to decide how you want to go from there.
June 6th, 2020 4:02pm
There could be a couple of reasons why you might feel this way, but it's important to remember that every situation is different. One of the biggest reasons might be a different aggravator that you're not consciously aware of; a new job, a distressed family member, or a tough financial circumstance can all be instigators of these feelings of anger. Another reason might be that as you change as adults, those changes can cause resentment and confusion, like you don't recognize your partner any longer. Communicating frustrations and problems can be incredibly helpful and can solve a lot of problems, but if the relationship isn't clicking, it might be time to discuss why that is, ways to fix it, or ways to make both of you happy in the long run.
June 25th, 2020 4:49pm
There may be several reasons for this: How we feel about others is usually a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When we feel a strong emotion toward someone we are closely involved with, it could mean that something has been triggered in us that is hard for us to face about ourselves. People are mirrors of ourselves, and the closer we are to another person, the more intimately involved we are, the more those triggers occur. It is important to turn that mirror around on ourselves and look inside to see what thing inside us we may not want to face. This goes a long way toward processing our emotions, learning about ourselves, and self-growth.
July 15th, 2020 3:23am
Where do I begin? Things with my husband have never really been easy. I think we started off rocky because we both weren't totally healed from our previous relationships when we started dating. We rushed into engagement and marriage. Here were at 8 years, and 2 kids later. There are a lot of wounds and scars that we both have from the past. We argue but not effectively and we continue to fight over the same stupid issues, which never end up getting resolved. I also hate him a little because he's depressed and hesitant to seek treatment.
July 17th, 2020 12:54pm
maybe they aren’t right for you. or the love you have for each other has turned to hate ,“It's very normal to have feelings of deep annoyance,” “If you spend a lot of time with someone, especially as intimately as living together, you learn all their idiosyncrasies.” True hate, however, is a major red flag and you should consider a to change the situation Look inwards look or why you hate them. This is a point that people normally overlook.Accept them, andtheir flaws.Confront your husband/wife and make sure you effectively communicate with them and work through it.Go to marriage counseling for professional help.Make an effort to love each other again.
July 24th, 2020 2:22am
Do you remember the first time you had a crush on him/her? What did that feel like? Time may make us feel that people around you change, and you always want the person beside you to be the one you first met and fell in love with. However, people changes through time. They change, and so are you. We embrace our life by embracing ourselves and people around us. But we are always who we used to be deep down. Talk to him/her. Bring back the memories when you two were happy. If you cannot think of some immediately, dig your memory. There must be some. And you will find them.