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I'm cheating on my husband or wife. Am I a bad person?

122 Answers
Last Updated: 12/07/2020 at 9:24am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
November 11th, 2015 7:59am
Cheating isn't an indication of whether or not you're a bad person. It's an indication that something is missing in your primary relationship. Maybe it means you're not getting enough of your partner, or maybe you just need a break from them. Whatever it is, analyzing what it is you get out of cheating can help you find out if there is a way to get that from your partner, without cheating, or if something about your relationship needs to change.
November 29th, 2015 2:42pm
*for me and to be honest* Yes you are.. It's stated in the bible you know. did you ever think about the way your wife or husband would feel?
December 20th, 2015 9:54pm
There is no objective measure for if someone is a good or bad person, but there are right and wrong actions. Cheating on your partner is indicative of a problem - either dissatisfaction with the relationship or dissatisfaction with yourself, That is to say, you may be trying to make up for personal shortcomings by going outside of your relationship. It is important to evaluate your reasons for infidelity and be honest with yourself. Regardless of your motivations, however, you are hurting your partner by doing this, and so while you can't be judged as either a good or bad person, your unfaithful actions are harmful to yourself and your partner.
November 7th, 2015 11:32am
For me I had no choice but to do it. Does it make me a bad person? No. He was doing it before I even did it. It got me out of a bad marriage. The guilt was horrible and I don't plan on ever doing it again. Everything happens for a reason most of the time. You have to do what is best for you.
November 7th, 2015 11:12am
No, you are not a bad person. It simply means that you are unhappy in your current relationship.
November 8th, 2015 10:58am
Feeling attracted to, physically or emotionally to another person while you are in a relationship is entirely natural. Relationships are human constructs, created to suit our needs in long-term planning. It also has a lot to do with the fact that we are territorial. However, agreeing to an exclusive relationship and being with someone else while your significant other remains true to your agreement isn't fair. If you're no longer happy in your marriage and would like to move on with your life, consider all aspects and then make a decision. If there is someone else you would rather be with, its a better idea to move on first, set your path straight and then do it. But first, consider the reasons you're cheating in the first place. Did you fall in love with someone else? Is your partner not satisfying you sexually? These are all things that can be resolved without feeling like a 'bad person' and its important that you are mature enough to do so without damaging anyone else.
November 12th, 2015 10:10pm
Who decides if you are or are not a bad person? What are your feelings, thoughts and ideas on this matter telling you?
August 1st, 2017 1:14pm
Yes. If you are bored or are having an issue with your significant other then you should talk to them and try to find a solution together. If you cheat on your husband or wife without any reason, then i think you should be honest and accept what ever your signifucant other decides.
November 7th, 2015 2:15am
You are not a bad person. Admitting it shows it has an affect on you emotionally and it shows you care.
December 8th, 2015 6:00pm
No person is "good" or "bad," but actions may be "right" or "wrong" (again, not good or bad). It is up to you to determine if your actions are right or wrong, and there may many complicating factors. Your actions may be right, but also try to have compassion for yourself if you determine that your actions are wrong.
November 7th, 2015 5:38pm
You're not bad, but you're certaintly not an honest person. Honesty is an attractive trait and cheating is a reflection of bad morals. Perhaps it's time to be honest with yourself and your family.
November 7th, 2015 3:16pm
yes you are remember what you promised when you married you vows should be taken seriously if you are going to cheat you were not ready to get married
November 7th, 2015 4:25pm
You aren't a bad person, but you made a bad choice. We all makes mistakes, what matters is that we learn and grow as we go along.
November 7th, 2015 8:48pm
A lot of people cheat. On that basis one cannot label a person as good or bad. We are all humans and we make mistakes. However you need to do some introspection and ask yourself why you are doing it and would it be okay if your spouse does the same ( i guess it would'nt as we all expect honesty and loyalty) It's always better to make up you mind and decide with whom you want to be and come clean. This way the hurt will be less and your conscience will be clear. Hope this helps
November 8th, 2015 7:01am
Nothing is ever straight forward or just black and white I'm sure your not a bad person but it may be kinder to either stop cheating... Unless there is a reason you can't? And if you don't feel it's something you can stop tell your husband Is there reasons within your relationship why you felt like you needed to cheat maybe it would be good to work on that? There is couples councillors if you feel that could help Please feel free to connect with a listener if you would like to talk about things further
November 7th, 2015 8:50am
you must have a reason for cheating. If you aren't happy with your relationship, talk it out with your significant other. Don't go to the extent of cheating. It's never a good idea.
November 8th, 2015 1:01am
No you may be just lonely or may feel like you need company. However it is never worth losing your husband or wife over it if you want the relationship to last. Always think about the consequences that may arise and always think about your actions before doing them.
November 8th, 2015 10:32pm
I've always been a huge believer that what you do does not define whether or not you are a bad person, it's how you feel afterwards. For example, you have clearly come here seeking help and advice because you have been cheating, which shows guilt, meaning you aren't a bad person, in my eyes. I think that the best thing to do is come clean to your other half, otherwise the guilt will eat you alive and it's not good for you. Don't blame yourself - these things happen, you cannot go back and change the past, the only thing left to do is deal with what has happened, and find a way to get past what has happened. Do you really want to be with your other half? Because cheating on him/her is obviously a huge sign that you don't, and that maybe there's another person you want to be with. Although you took your vows and promised a life with this person, it doesn't always work out. In fact, most marriages end in divorce, these days. You could have gone about it a different way (whatever problem is going on in your marriage), yes, but that doesn't make you a bad person. Don't be so hard on yourself.
November 11th, 2015 8:22pm
If that is what you think. You are a bad person if you think you are one. And if what you are doing is for your own happiness, then no, you are not a bad person. It is just the path you have chosen is wrong.
November 11th, 2015 11:29pm
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
December 3rd, 2015 8:12pm
The actions we all make all come with an outcome/consequence. But it's about how we choose to reflect upon our mistakes and doings that define who we are as people.
November 7th, 2015 1:31am
You're not a bad person, you're just making a decision. Your decision is to cheat on your husband or wife. It's your choice.
November 8th, 2015 4:11am
It's betraying the trust of your spouse to be cheating on them. Imagine how they would feel if they were to find out that you are cheating. Always put yourself in their shoes, what if they were cheating with someone on you.
November 8th, 2015 7:01am
Sorta, but not really. Don't continue this.........................................................
November 11th, 2015 1:29am
No, you are not a bad person, but you are making bad choices for your relationship, home, and family.
November 11th, 2015 5:11pm
You're cheating? You should confess to him/her. You and your husband/wife should seek professional marriage counseling.
November 11th, 2015 6:22pm
No you are not a bad person, just a bad mistake.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
November 15th, 2015 1:52pm
You're not necessarily a bad person, but what you're doing is not giving consideration to how they might feel. Even good people can do bad things.
November 20th, 2015 12:50pm
Maybe not a bad person but I would make up my mind if I wanted to be married or not. Love doesn't cheat or lie.
December 4th, 2015 6:23pm
Husband.. wife.. spouse.. is also called as our better half. That half of our mind body and soul which pulls our inner strength care affection.. that better half makes us stronger more gentle more lively and most importantly that half makes us whole. So cheating that half is like cheating urself from that love and care. So don't let the darker side pull u away from ur half soul and be the best you can be..... keep smiling..