I'm cheating on my husband or wife. Am I a bad person?
122 Answers
Last Updated: 12/07/2020 at 9:24am
Moderated by
Polly Letsch, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.
Top Rated Answers
Although adultery is seen as 'bad' it isn't always. If you are unhappy with your partner and have found someone else to be happy with then that doesn't make you a bad person, as long as you tell your partner as it is only fair to them. Cheating is called bad when you do just for personal pleasure and string along your partner.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 10:49am
Not necessarily a bad person but have made a poor decision and have not considered your husband's or wife's feelings. If the marriage isn't going well it would be best to divorce and move on to other people,now if there are children involved,that's a different matter.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 12:39pm
Well, it wouldn't hurt if you were more honest with yourself. Love means cherish, not occupy. If you don't love him / her, why pretend. Do you expect the golden globe for best acting, or something?
Of course, i wonder about a person, who doesn't notice that he / she isn't loved at all. And about the other one, who doesn't care, that you have a spouse. Who didn't care to notice. I wonder what they want to get out of their lives. Time is ticking, you know. You could start anew today.
I dont think thats a question you can answer in general.It depends on the specific situation on the couple and the people who are involved.However, you should probably change something about the situation.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 3:59pm
I would first analyze why do you think you are being unfaithful. Then, try to look at the big picture and see if you would be better off without your spouse as commitment is a oath of marriage.
I don't think people should think cheaters are bad people. I think they should reflect about why they are doing it and if there could be something done to stop it.
It really depends on your relationship with your husband or wife. If your partner is a good person they don't deserve to be cheeted on and in that case you are the one who is bad but if you have serious relationship issues and your parter is also cheeting on you and is the one to blame you are not such a bad person but it doesn't make you a good person either. You really have to talk and resolve your issues with your partner before starting another relationship whether it's emotional or sexual
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 8:59pm
I wouldn't say that you are a bad person, but it would be wise to to tell your spouse. Cheating isn't okay, but it doesn't make you a bad person.
i don't think your a bad person i think we make bad decisions, but i also believe that we can be forgiven now does that mean that the ones we love are going to continue to be by our sides probably not but we can be forgiven and remember most harsh things are said in anger we have to give them time to process and begin the forgiveness part
Beyond good and bad, you are a person, and as a person you will make mistakes that can hurt yourself or others. But instead of placing a value judgement, how about exploring how cheating affects you, how you feel about yourself, and from there determine if it something you really want to be doing?
Marriage is a bond between 2 people you took for a reason it doesnt make you a bad person but its also not a good thing if you are unhappy with your relationship then its important to work out your differences before you make a rash decision but but you must admit the mistake before it blows up in a bad way you wont be able to recover from
no you are not bad its just circumstances are bad. but its time to realize that you are doing something wrong which you both do not deserve. its time to stop cheating on him and need to talk to him/her. if you do not find any reason to be with him or her just discuss this and try to get out of this relation peacefully and if you do not want to loss him/her then stop doing such thing which will give you nothing but shame.
Anonymous - Expert in Family Stress
November 12th, 2015 9:47am
I can't define you as a person for a single action - however what you're doing is wrong. Your wife or husband deserves your loyalty. If you cannot bring yourself to love him/her enough to be faithful, then why pretend? You have to come clean about your actions and do what's best for the both of you, that may mean ending the relationship.
You are being dishonest. When you make vows you should honor them. However , One bad thing you do in life can't erase the all goodness in you. You just need to fix this issue.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2015 8:21pm
Ask your Conscience. You know better than anyone else.
Tell your wife about this. And if you feel very bad seeing her state after telling this then you are cheating her and yourself.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2015 7:27am
You are not a bad person but rather in a troubled state. The act of cheating means that something is not quite going right in your life or relationship. You have to figure out what the problem is that you're having and really ask yourself, "Why am I cheating?". Their could be a lot of different reasons but whatever the reason may be, it needs a solution. Weather its relationship problems, addiction problems, etc. If you have to remove yourself from an environment or seek help, that is totally fine to do.
Cheating is almost never okay, but there are many circumstances that I haven't really thought of. You aren't necessarily a bad person, but if you love your spouse it's probably not very mindful of you to have an affair with someone else.
It does not make you a bad person. But cheating on your partner is indicative of underlying issues that should be dealt with.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2015 2:56pm
You are cheating on your husband and you think you are bad because of that? Why would you feel that way?
No you are not a bad person. You just need to confront him and let him know its not working out.....
Your not a bad person but you did make a bad choice. Cheating rulens your partners trust for you and can potentially destroy a marriage. But cheating is usually something that occurs when people are experiencing problems in their marriage. Instead of getting help or just ending the marriage people will choose to cheat as an escape to temporarily forget about there problems at home.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2015 7:16pm
It probably doesn't make you a bad person. Just a sad person in an unhappy or conflicted relationship. You probably should find out the reason and fix it before it becomes too broken :)
im my own way of thinking i think your not a bad person, life is full of tempting things. just some people can't help them self and let them self go.
Your only a bad person if you lie to your partner. You made a bad decision, and that won't make you a bad person unless you choose. Your partner has the right to know that this has all happened, otherwise you are playing with their emotions, which does make you a bad person. Come clear if you can, and do the right thing if you want to be a better person
Anonymous
November 14th, 2015 2:12am
It depends on the circumstances. Is the husband or wife supportive and would it be possible to move passed this together?
Cheating on your husband or wife does not mean you are a bad person, but it does mean you are seeking someone else to fulfill a need not being met.
Well, you aren't a bad person, but what you are doing is bad. Adultery isn't really good. You could be hurting there feelings
Anonymous
November 14th, 2015 5:05am
Why are you cheating on your husband? It all depends on how you feel I have no right to judge so why do you do it?
i'm not the one to judge whether you are bad person or not, but when you put yourself in his/her position, how would you feel? ;D people cheat because they are not being 100% honest with their feeling, if i can give suggestion, i think you should communicate with him/her, find the best way to solve it. if you don't like someone, don't pretend you do cause you are hurting each other... best of luck ! ^^
It might be best to consider how your actions will affect your spouse. It sounds like something's not right in this relationship . It might be better to have an honest frank discussion with your spouse about what is going on rather than starting a relationship with someone else. It is important to communicate about what s going on in your life with your spouse and being open with them.
Starting a new relationship when you are with another person can be very damaging when you are in a committed relationship already. Try putting yourself in their shoes how would you feel if someone did that to you? Your not a bad person everyone makes mistakes. However, you must consider how this will affect your loved ones
Related Questions: I'm cheating on my husband or wife. Am I a bad person?
My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?How to connect a person online with a therapist?How can I make my family understand that I'm not seeking attention and just trying to get the help I need?What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?What age is too young to leave home?How do I live with a mentally-ill parent?My dad likes to touch me. Is this sexual abuse?How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?What do I do when my husband ignores me?