I'm the black sheep. What can I do to still have good relationships with my becoming-estranged family?
Last Updated: 06/04/2015 at 8:46pm
Alison Humphreys, LCPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
During the therapeutic process, individuals will learn to manage transitions, overcome obstacles and work towards their full potential .
Top Rated Answers
I'm also the black sheep in my family. And we're almost an estranged family. What I do is I try to find things in common with each member, that way I can have a connection with each of them.
Try "extending the olive branch". Show them you aren't ready to give up and them and still love them. Suggest family outings. My mother makes me and my dad sit at the table every time we actually have lunch at home and I actually love the idea.
I would say, respect your family. Respect their beliefs and whatever they say, but also get them to respect you. Mutual respect is the best.
It is important to not let the simplest activities be forgotten if you feel yourself separating from your family. Simply telling them about everyday things that happen to you or asking them about their day can be enough to remind them that, although you aren't around as often, you still want them to know that you care and possibly that you want them to care as well.
Why am i the black sheep? Do i have a problem or am i hiding something from my family. if not i would reach out and do whatever i needed to do to get closer to my family if possible. Call more often and visit more often.
The best thing you can do is love and be kind to your family. Family is not about being the best, or better than each other. If you feel your family compares you and expects more of you, it is understandable you may feel like a black-sheep. However, do not do things like get a certain job, or go to a certain school to please your family if it doesn't make you happy. You must remember that YOU are not your FAMILY, and that you should be happy about what ever choices you make. Most importantly, TALK to your family, express how you feel in a healthy, well thought-out manner. Maybe they don't think that at all, or maybe they have advice.
try making effort. find stuff that you ca relate on. Go to family gatherings or call and check on family every so often.
The single best thing you can do is to keep the lines of communication open. No matter how different you are from them, or where you are, the other family members want to know that you're happy and safe. Ask them questions about their life and find ways to stay connected no matter how far away you are or how different you may be -- there's always common ground to share. Good luck!
Tell them how you feel. Say "Hey! I'm feeling a little left out here. Is there anything I can do to change that? Or can you please start including me in things?"
Relationships are a two way street. Take stock of the things they do that hurt you, and how that makes you feel. Think about the positive things as well, and how they make you feel. Tell them, openly and honestly, how you feel about this relationship and where you'd like it to go, and be prepared for either outcome. If they aren't willing to extend you the same courtesy, or even to meet you halfway, it may be time to go.
Maybe try keeping in touch or find ways to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe try letting them know what your up to.
Reach out to them, tell them how you feel and try to see if they'll meet you halfway, if they will acwknowledge that there's an issue too. If they do and they're honest and forthcoming it shows they're honest and willing to talk about it too. Otherwise try to speak with a professional or some friends if you need support.
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