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I'm tired of my dad not working and seeing my mom work everyday of the week. Like he doesn't do anything to help around the house; all he does is watch tv and eat all day. What can I do ?

5 Answers
Last Updated: 09/30/2019 at 4:45am
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
SunFlower700
August 15th, 2017 8:23am
I'm so sorry you're facing this in your life. It can be super frustrating to see your father not doing anything and it's your mother who works everyday of the week. Have you tried to ask one of them about that? If that is not an option, of if the answer didn't help, you cannot force your father to work instead of your mom. but you can always make your mom feel less stressful by expressing appreciation to her. She is probably doing that for you, so when she see you appreciating what she does, she will feel more positive and of course less stressful. For your father, you can help by not doing all things that he asks you, liking bringing him water for the fridge or making a breakfast for him. Maybe that would make him move from his couch. Try to express your anger from his behavior in a rational manner.
heysunshine12
December 3rd, 2018 11:04am
Hey, I know your feeling all too well. I'm completely in the same boat as yours! When I was younger, I used to be really frustated at him being a couch potato to the point that I would say stuff like "You're useless as a father!". Even my siblings, my mother, and people around him say the same thing about him. Most of the times, he would just wave it off, but I know that above all, he is frustated with himself. I caught him crying a few times and apologizing to my mother because he doesn't think he is able to do well. My mother thinks it's because of his upbringing, in his family, my grandmother is the one working too, so perhaps subconciously he took example of his father. I suspected that my father has a social anxiety because he doesn't want to go outside. But I see that he is quite a good speaker (he's a former middle school teacher), so I reckon it's because he knows people around him think badly of him that it diminishes his confidence to be a responsible father. In other words, he subconciously wants to fulfill people's opinion of him. I can think of one idea that I haven't yet tried, but eager to. It would require cooperation of all members of the family and it would surely surprise him at first. So, basically, I would do a family gathering (my father excluded), we would try to understand and empathize his condition so as to let go of any hard feelings and resentment towards him. We would list all of the expectations we have toward him AND the things that he is doing well. Then, we'll cooperate on praising him on the things he does well and act as if he has fulfilled our expectations toward him. So, for example, if he used to watch TV all day and we want him to do some chores, the first thing we'd do before he gets to his TV is to ask him to do the chores but say it as if he does chores regularly (without resentment). AND if he did, we show appreciation and gratitude (praise him and express how his work has helped us. I know it will work because that's how human psychology works, albeit it may take sometime. :)
Anonymous
August 18th, 2017 1:53am
I'd talk to your dad about it first if possible. If that doesn't work or the situation seems to get somewhat upsetting, I'd get it a few days to settle back then and POSSIBLY ask mom. However, you are the expert on yourself and only you can make the correct decision. Do what you think is right.
WinterLavender
June 30th, 2017 9:31am
Is it possible to bring this up as a conversation to your parents or even just your dad? There may be a reason that he does not work, and maybe you could ask one of them. Best of luck to you!
bubblyFaith17
September 30th, 2019 4:45am
I'm sorry that you're having to witness this as a kid. It must be very sad to see your mom be taken advantage of and not have a male role model in the house to show you about work ethic...but the good thing is it sounds like your mom is really making up for that. If you want to do something, perhaps you could do little things - take out the trash or do dishes, fold laundry, set the table, learn to make a few simple meals to have ready when your mom gets home from work. If you have money, you can even go to the dollar store and buy a nice little gift for your mom and write a note saying how much you appreciate her and how her hard work and determination are noticed by you. I always say that even the bad or negative people in my life have taught me something valuable - they've shown me what I don't want to be like.