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Is it my fault that my parents are on the verge of separation?

32 Answers
Last Updated: 05/05/2020 at 9:49pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, MSc Psychology


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
June 13th, 2015 11:54pm
In my personal experience, the answer to your question is that you are absolutely not the reason your parents are on the verge of separation. The relationship your parents have, in my opinion, is between the tow of them. Whatever choices they make about their relationship has everything to do with them as a couple, and in my opinion is no reflection at all of you as their child. Please take good care of yourself as you go throughout this part of your life, and reach out for the support you deserve.
January 16th, 2015 7:56pm
You are not to blame for the choices of others. I understand that it can feel very overwhelming for you and am sorry you are going through these emotions.
August 4th, 2015 7:27pm
No, I know it is very easy to feel like this but you must know that your parents split is never your fault and you should never feel that way! there are many people you can talk to who have went through or are going through the exact same situation
March 31st, 2015 2:23am
It is absolutely not your fault. People don't separate from each other because they have children. They separate because they grow apart. they grow in different directions of life. It doesn't mean that they didn't love each other at the time that they were married, and it doesn't mean they don't love you. They've just decided that being married, that journey was over, and that things are better without marriage.
February 14th, 2015 8:33am
No! Don't ever think that way. They're two mature adults who married on their own volition and now they're deciding to go their separate ways, on their own volition. You have nothing to do with it. Your parents love you and you love them and it's all that really matters.
April 9th, 2015 12:23am
No, Absolutely not. It may feel that way because when your a kid or a teen, it seems like everything you do wrong is the end of the world. But parents have their own world, that we arent even privy too. We have no idea what they talk about when we arent around, what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe its no ones fault at all. Maybe it just IS.
March 15th, 2015 8:38pm
No it almost certainly is not. While children can make things easier or harder in a marriage, there are always other contributing factors that account for separation or divorce. It is rarely just one thing. It is also very normal for a child to believe that divorce is their fault.
April 29th, 2015 12:49am
Don't allow yourself to take blame for the problems others are experiencing. If possible, look for ways that you can help them find reconciliation.
May 27th, 2015 8:08pm
Never. That is a sad thing that happens when 2 people that have been together have their own disagreements. It is a decision that the parents have made due to their own feelings. It is not based on their children it is based on their feelings and their feeling alone what ever it may be.
September 1st, 2015 6:11pm
No. The only ones at fault are your parents. It is not your job to be your parents' relationship counselor. It is up to them to keep their relationship working well.
September 8th, 2015 4:54am
In a word, "no". Relationships are complicated, organic systems which revolve around multitudinous factors. Fault and blame are often inappropriate with regard to relationship issues, and the responsibility for dealing with relationship issues belongs to the adults.
December 21st, 2015 3:40am
No!!!!! My parents got divorced and for the longest time I thought it was my fault. Most likely you helped them last as long as they did! Know that they both still love you.
October 15th, 2015 4:11am
Absolutely not! Whatever issues there might be, they are strictly between your parents. Even, for arguments sake, if they were having battles over how to discipline you, you would not be responsible. They are at odds with each other. I'm sorry that you are asking this question, at all.
November 23rd, 2015 5:08pm
Your parents have their own issues that they've been struggling with since before you were born, most likely. But that doesn't mean that you're the root cause of any of that or that you have anything to do with how they feel about each other. Some couples are forced into a relationship while others stay together well past a healthy separation point. Stress is a complex thing, try to be supportive of each parent.
November 23rd, 2015 7:44pm
So your parents are considering separating? That must be very hard on you; I can relate. How can I help?
February 8th, 2016 12:54am
No, It is not your fault at all. You are a very a good person and sometimes parents just don't end up working out, But that has nothing to do with you because people love you
February 8th, 2016 3:53pm
No, no. It is never ever the child's fault. It is quite common for the child to feel at fault but just know they had their issues with each other.
April 11th, 2016 9:09pm
do not ever feel like that is your fault, that is always their decisions and it is normal to feel like it's your fault and that's because you feel so down but it'll be okay
April 18th, 2016 12:40am
It sounds like you feel guilty about what's going on. Some situations we have no control over. You are allowed to have feelings but you should talk to your parents and communicate how you feel. They can help you feel better and explain the situation better.
April 19th, 2016 7:29am
No it is not. Your parents are responsible and adults, they are responsible for the choices they make as well as their own happiness.
May 17th, 2016 12:29am
Absolutely not, your parents are responsible for their relationship, you are responsible for yourself. If their relationship isn't working, it is their business to resolve between themselves.
August 22nd, 2016 2:55pm
What your parents do in their relationship has nothing to do with your actions and your relationship with them. They may just be finiacially stressed because of something at work and they are being put under a lot of pressure. Many things may be causing a stain in their relationship, but I can promise you it isn't your fault.
September 27th, 2016 9:48pm
Despite what many children think, they are never the reason why two parental figures separate. Issues between the two of them are caused by one of them, not the child. If they are on the verge, the parents need to settle their differences alone, without involving the child. Whether it's lack of communication between the two, a loss of feeling/connection or just issues controlling their anger, none of it is up to you. If they had any problems regarding their child, they would directly speak with you.
November 7th, 2016 2:01am
No it isn't in a way it might be better for your parents as it means that by the end of this the will be happier than before
January 9th, 2017 12:23am
It may feel like your parents' separating is your fault, but you have nothing to do with it. I have experienced something similar, and it isn't your fault at all. Parents may separate for different reasons, but you are not one of them.
June 6th, 2017 1:49am
Parents separate for many reasons. Marriage is a contract between two adults, and things can change. It's hardly ever because of what their children are doing. Talk with your parents, you deserve their honesty.
July 17th, 2017 6:15am
No, though you are present in your parents lives, their relationship is still their own and their issues are within themselves.
September 25th, 2017 5:48pm
I understand that it may feel like you are responsible for your parents' potential separation, but your parents' actions regarding their relationship is their decision. Ultimately, they control what happens to their relationship regardless of what your relationship is like with both of them. I hope this brings you some peace.
April 24th, 2018 9:37pm
No. It is never the child's fault. Remember, your parents are adults, make their own decisions, and have known each other longer than you have been alive. Separation, is probably best for them. People need some time to themselves to think of what they should do next. Give them time, if a divorce is their final decision, then it's okay. You are not alone. Things can get better. If anything, talk to one of us here on 7 Cups
August 7th, 2018 4:39pm
Separation is common among couples. It happens sometimes even if it's not preferred. Many separation cases caused by prolonged miscommunication among the couple.