Is my dad really mean for no reason or does my mom provoke him?
Last Updated: 04/02/2018 at 3:28am
Katherine Aucoin, Transpersonal Counselling Psychology
I offer you compassion and support on your unique journey. I look forward to working with you to heal your emotional wounds and find more freedom and joy.
Top Rated Answers
Your mom is not responsible for your dad's behaviour. Each person is responsible for his or her behaviour. (Barring mental illness / learning difficulties).
There is no real excuse for being very mean. It is his responsibility to act in a proper fashion. We do not control what outside stimuli will come at us in our daily lives. We can control how we act to these stimuli. If your father gets incredibly mean, that is his failure to control his emotions or actions. Even IF your mother did provoke him, it is his responsibility to be the better person and to not give her the reaction she wants.
Few people are mean for no reason. He probably has a reason that he struggles with. Your mom may or may not provoke him, who knows, but even if she does not provoke him then his meanness is not random. Maybe he grew up in a mean household, maybe he's frustrated, or maybe he's upset and can't express it properly. Being mean and angry keeps people away. It keeps people from getting close. Being tender and close can be a very scary thing for some.
People don't do things for no reason. Ever. Someone is either baiting him, or something is stressing him out; whether it be your mom, his job, his friends, or something like that.
The truth is you never know whats going on behind closed doors. It isn't to say your father should be mean because he is being provoked. But it seems we're both not sure of the context. If you want more understanding just try to be more observant of whats going on. If your comfortable enough, you can always talk to your dad or mom because it seems their behavior is affecting you.
That depends on the situation. It could be a either, or, or a little bit of both. If I knew more about the specific situation I could provide a better answer.
Every Action Has A Reaction! The saying Don't trouble Trouble, until Troule, troubles you is perfect. If someone looks irritate, give them space, if someone is letting of steam, NEVER say CALM down! Unless your dad has unresolved issues with your mum you know nothing about, he may wait for an opportunity to let off steam. He needs therapy to resolve this if there are issues in the relationship. Apart from that, no one comes home looking for a fight if there isn't an opponent! If she provokes your dad who is unhappy for reasons you aren't aware of, its takes TWO to Tango! Best if she doesn't indulge his anger or get therapy if its out of control! There are underlying reasons! The one who screams always looks bad! The passive ones appears to be the victims, you can be a passive and aggressive. You can ask him why he appears to go for her as often as he does to understand the reason. Not that its healthy or RIGHT!!
It's hard to tell why people do what they do, or feel how they feel, but there's always a reason why.
The truth is you never know what's going on behind closed doors. It isn't to say your father should be mean because he is being provoked. But it seems we're both not sure of the context. If you want more understanding just try to be more observant of what's going on. If you're comfortable enough, you can always talk to your dad or mom because it seems their behavior is affecting you.
Try to be observant of What is going on and we don't know what is behind the closed doors
I dont feel like women should be treated harshly given any circumstance. No matter is she provoked him or anything, men or women shouldnt feel the need to treat their significant other with disrespect or rudely. We are all people and we need to understand that we shouldn't speak to others the way we wouldn't want to be spoken to.
My mom kept nagging my dad hence dad often had bad mood. Even after work of my dad, mom would welcome him with complaints and nagging. For this reason, Dad often had bad moods and mean on us.
It is important to look at your parents' forms of communication (both verbal and nonverbal). Try not to blame one parent but instead look for triggers that may cause anger and see if theres anything that can be done to remove triggers. Help your parents to avoid trigger language and accusations. Perhaps help them discuss any conflict calmly. If this does not help, seek professional help.
Everyone has their emotional baggage. When looking from the outside, we might feel like people are aggressive and mean or provocative, but we don't know what is going on on the inside. They might both misunderstand each other :)
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