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My boyfriend or girlfriend is ashamed of me. What should I do?

115 Answers
Last Updated: 04/24/2018 at 9:11pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
Bamachick
December 6th, 2015 2:39am
I would ask myself "if they're ashamed of me, why am I with them"? If someone cannot accept you for who you are, then they don't belong in your life. If you want me, you need to want all of me.
charmingWords14
December 4th, 2015 1:48am
My first boyfriend never wanted to tell his friends that we were dating, and I found it very self-degrading and embarrassing. One of the best things I did during that relationship was sit down and talk to him. I asked what it was I did that made him so embarrassed to be seen with me. When he told me it was something that didn't want to change, I told him it was time for us to end things. You should never be with someone that doesn't appreciate you for who you are, or makes you feel bad for being yourself.
thoughtfulhelper555
November 7th, 2015 1:21am
Ashamed is a strong word, and this question could allude to so many different scenarios so its difficult to answer this perfectly. I would ask myself why my significant other is ashamed of me. Are they ashamed of me because I hurt them, or because I did something unkind? OR does the word "ashamed" mean that they just aren't interested in me anymore? Based off of my personal experience, I would confront my significant other (in a kind manner) with my concerns, and explain my feelings to them. If they explained that they were ashamed of me because of a valid reason I would try to correct the situation. There could be a possibility that you have read your significant other wrong and they aren't ashamed of you at all. If it turns out that the significant other is just simply not interested in the relationship anymore, then its time to move on. I wouldn't waist my time with anyone that doesn't value the relationship. Life is too short to be spending time in a relationship that is empty emotionally and containing negativity such as being ashamed of one another. Its important to share respect for your partner, and have connections morally. You should be able to look at your partner and be proud of them, and value who they are as a human being. I can't imagine being shamed of my partner, but I could understand being disappointed, confronting them, fixing the situation and moving on. I think that if either person in the relationship is actually ashamed of who you are as a person, then some major communication needs to take place and some soul searching about weather or not a connection still remains in the partnership and if its able to be fixed.
foreverHERE13
November 8th, 2015 7:00am
If he or she is ashamed of you ask them what about you they are ashamed about. If things don't get better he/she is not worth your while
MushroomPrincess
November 8th, 2015 1:25pm
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is ashamed of you the relationship is not worth continuing. If they are ashamed of you they do not truly appreciate you and your potential and it can be very damaging in the long run to your self esteem if you are not treated by them with equal respect.
cuteava
November 7th, 2015 6:45pm
Then that person is not worthy of being your girlfriend/boyfriend! Everyone deserves to be with someone who is proud to be with them, and will even show them off occasionally. You dont need to be with someone who isnt proud of you.
jo651
November 7th, 2015 11:31pm
There are many reasons why your partner may feel ashamed, perhaps you've done something out of character like cheating or taking drugs, maybe getting drunk and making a fool of people, if the shame comes from this type of behaviour and you love your partner then do everything in your power to change your shameful ways, however, if your partner is ashamed of the way you look, dress or speak then this can have dire consequences on your confidence and self esteem, ask yourself why are you with somebody who is so shallow, yes you may love them but love yourself first, if you spend a long time with a person who pulls you down and is ashamed of you for these reasons then they will destroy you in the long run.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2015 2:14am
I'd suggest reevaluating yourself & find someone so in love with you they only want to show you off.
fancifulFlower65
November 11th, 2015 4:19pm
You shouldn't be with someone who is ashamed of you. You deserve someone who would do anything for you so don't settle for anything less.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2015 3:50pm
You should choose to be with someone who accept you the way you are. Real love is seing the flaws of you partner and maybe not liking it but dealing with and mostly not being ashamed,
Sageflower140
November 8th, 2015 4:19am
immediately break up with them and surround yourself with people who love you and are not ashamed of you whatsoever!
gloriousMoment60
November 7th, 2015 1:09pm
be with someone who values u .. and not ashamed of u. If u cnt live without that person then ask him/her for the reason.
4CinderandSage
November 7th, 2015 5:35pm
Do you know why they are ashamed? If so, think about whether their reasons are valid or superficial. If valid, try to understand why. If superficial, think about whether being with that person is healthy for you. Self-worth is important.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2015 6:08pm
That really depends on why you think he/she is ashamed. If you did something you regret, perhaps you should explore why you made that choice, factors it involved and how you feel about it. If you feel like he/she is ashamed of you but you don't know why, perhaps it is negative self-talk and self esteem issues. Try exploring where you are, what you want and how that effects how you feel. Best of luck!
Anonymous
November 8th, 2015 8:57pm
Break up with them and love yourself for a little while, until you can find someone worthy of you. Anyone who is ashamed of you when they should be loving you is not worth your time, dating somebody is supposed to help you become the best person possible- not make you question your self-worth. You are amazing and deserve better than that.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2015 3:38am
No human being is perfect. Did your boyfriend or girlfriend tell you why they are ashamed of you? How do you feel hearing that from him or her?
genuineIceCream61
November 8th, 2015 3:13pm
If your partner is ashamed of you, don't spend your time on them! They aren't worthy of you and your self worth.
PrincessNena117
November 11th, 2015 5:22am
Talk to him or her, ask them what's wrong and try to see what the problem is. .
Anonymous
November 8th, 2015 3:49pm
Ask why. If it's something reasonable such as "You're racist", fix it. If it's some bullshit like "I hate your Pokemon obsession"/"You talk too much"/"You get too excited, it's stupid"/"You have no fashion sense"/"You hang out with losers" etc. promptly dump their ass because they're being narrow minded and judgemental and don't deserve you.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 1:54am
If someone is ashamed of you, please understand it is not your shortfall but theirs. They have expectations, etc that you will never meet. Talk to them if you wish, but you may want to consider moving on with your life...in love...without them. There is someone out there for you who would be proud and not ashamed of you.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2015 6:47am
Stop dating them immediately and find somebody who appreciates you. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't recognize your value. I learned that lesson the hard way by fighting too long to be with people who didn't cherish me. The harder I fought, the more pain I caused myself.
cuddlyBreeze53
November 8th, 2015 4:24pm
Firstly, you should reflect on yourself. What did you do to make them ashamed of you? Was it wrong? If it was inappropriate, stop doing that. If it is not, then you should reconsider the relationship because compatibility is the most important thing in a relationship.
BigSweatersAndHotChoc
November 8th, 2015 9:15pm
Split up- you don't deserve to be treated like a problem. You shouldn't have to adjust your behaviour to fit in with their family or friends.
Kaitlynn2
November 11th, 2015 1:28am
When you're in a relationship, neither party should ever feel ashamed of the other. A relationship is built on trust and love and you can't have those things if you're ashamed.
BzzzBri
November 8th, 2015 2:14am
Break up. Its not a healthy relationship. With the way that person is acting, its bound to get worse.
neverendingDreamer1738
November 11th, 2015 1:27am
Break up with him/her. If they wants a relationship, they shouldn't want to hide it. They should be proud that they are dating you.
SydneyLouise
November 11th, 2015 3:45am
If you are with someone who is ashamed of you, it sounds to me like they are not a positive factor in your life, or they do not understand you completely. I would talk to them and try to figure out why they are feeling ashamed, and if it is for something that neither of you have any control over, let them go. Also, please remember that you do not have to change for anyone. Be yourself!
friendlyStrawberry98
November 11th, 2015 9:53am
You shouldn't have to be with someone who feels this way about you. If your partner does, then they are not the right person for you. Nobody should put you down or make you feel belittled about yourself, if they do then I would seriously question about whether you are happy with them and about whether you are emotionally healthy with them.
caringWind88
November 21st, 2015 12:53am
First i would suggest is to talk to them. Express your feelings and ask them questions. We could talk about how to do it, since i guess i could be a hard conversation. And second, i would suggest you reach for support of some person that you are close to. Confiding your troubles to someone who we trust and who honestly cares about us, like a good friend or a family member, can be very helpful.
tranquilKoala
November 25th, 2015 12:33am
A first step would be to talk it out with them and find out if they really feel that way or if there has been some miscommunication on their part. The second step would be to seriously consider if you want to be in a relationship with someone who devalues you in that way. Everyone deserves a partner that loves and cherishes them; being ashamed of you is not a healthy way to express affection. But, talking to them about your feelings is an important step! Maybe they will see the error in their ways, but if not don't be afraid to prioritize your own happiness! Everyone deserves a healthy relationship, take care of your own heart before your partner's.