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My boyfriend or girlfriend is ashamed of me. What should I do?

117 Answers
Last Updated: 08/10/2021 at 2:24pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
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Maryna Svitasheva, PhD. RP

Licensed Professional Counselor

Psychotherapy I provide is based on a dialog and your active intention to look for a solution with the therapist's assistance

Top Rated Answers
caringWind88
November 21st, 2015 12:53am
First i would suggest is to talk to them. Express your feelings and ask them questions. We could talk about how to do it, since i guess i could be a hard conversation. And second, i would suggest you reach for support of some person that you are close to. Confiding your troubles to someone who we trust and who honestly cares about us, like a good friend or a family member, can be very helpful.
tranquilKoala
November 25th, 2015 12:33am
A first step would be to talk it out with them and find out if they really feel that way or if there has been some miscommunication on their part. The second step would be to seriously consider if you want to be in a relationship with someone who devalues you in that way. Everyone deserves a partner that loves and cherishes them; being ashamed of you is not a healthy way to express affection. But, talking to them about your feelings is an important step! Maybe they will see the error in their ways, but if not don't be afraid to prioritize your own happiness! Everyone deserves a healthy relationship, take care of your own heart before your partner's.
lucasatohan
November 28th, 2015 7:10pm
You should talk to him or her and ask why is he or she ashamed of you and ask if you can fix it
DulcePenguino80
December 29th, 2015 3:43pm
I wouldn't consider staying with them, You should surround myself with people who make you feel good and who are proud of who you are! Remember - any boy/girl is lucky to be in a relationship with you, there's no way they should be ashamed :-)
ThePsalmist
December 4th, 2017 3:47am
I think that you as a couple confront this feeling together. Open up about how you feel and ask why is he/she feeling this way. Then, try to come up of a resolution together.
miraculousHeart73
April 24th, 2018 9:11pm
Let's be honest...if someone doesn't accept you. Something needs to be done. If you have done something that is hurtful, then apologize and give your SO some time to take all of it in. It's a lot for someone in a relationship to be aware of your action that has obviously affected them. If your SO isn't accepting you for who you are, then forget them! I know, it sounds mean, but if they can't accept you for who you are, then it's pointless to hang around them when you deserve people who respect you. Be bold. Deal with the problem at hand. If you made a mistake, talk to someone you trust. If they are making the mistake of not accepting you, then find someone who does
EsaAnnMarie
November 7th, 2015 4:29am
First, I suggests that you express how you're feeling to him or her, as it is healthy for both you and them to talk about how they way they are treating you is making you feel. Then, if you see that there will be no changes from the direction the conversation went in, then it may be best that you and them go your separate ways, as you do not deserve to feel that way.
patientLily30
November 7th, 2015 7:31am
If you have not already I would strongly recommend you talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about how you feel and state examples of times/ways they make you feel that they are ashamed of you. You can't move past this unless you communicate effectively with each other.
calmMist95
November 7th, 2015 9:47am
Look, this is are hard question with no background. Do they have a right to be ashamed of me? Have I actually erred? Is this just a misunderstanding between parties? I guess my first move is to find out why they are ashamed and whether it is legit and go from there.
tsaba941
November 7th, 2015 2:20pm
They are ashamed of you? I'm sorry :(. I know how it feels and it sucks. But, there is way through it! :) Like with some help from other listeners and I!
LucyJua
November 7th, 2015 4:16pm
You should probably talk to him/ her seriously about the relationship. I don't believe you could be happy with each other in such situation. And staying in a relationship where you're constantly unhappy makes no sense. Also, just hoping that the person would change "one day" is naive. He should either change his behaviour or walk away.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2015 5:13pm
Talk to the person. Find out why the person feels that way. Think about future goalie together and see if you are both on the same page. Very important for a relationship to last.
beautifulFaith43
November 8th, 2015 1:07am
Ask them what is that embrassed them about you. If you do not want to change that aspect of yourself then do not explain to them that you like that quality about yourself.
Greatlistener87
November 8th, 2015 3:41am
Talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend on why are he/she is ashamed of you and let them know how you feel about it. Discuss the matter through. I believe an honest discussion can go a long way in relationships.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2015 9:39am
So what can you do to change that. You have to know you are worthy and beautiful.. Every oerson is beautiful.
TheYesMan
November 8th, 2015 10:55am
Sit down and talk to them. what are they ashamed of? The key is to NOT argue about it. Sometimes they may be ashamed of something you do that makes other people uncomfortable. In this case, its not hard to avoid doing it. Sometimes, however, they may be ashamed of a part of who you are, and its a good time to sit down and have a good talk because this isn't something a strong relationship needs. Yes, the issues can very easily be resolved - if you can remain calm while doing so.
Emma265
November 8th, 2015 7:45pm
First of all, talk to them because it's possible that you have an assumption that they or ashamed of you, even if they aren't. Then if they are actually ashamed of you then I think they shouldn't be with you because they are not appreciating you for who you are. Ultimately you deserve somebody who appreciates you for who you are.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2015 8:00pm
I think you should ask them what you did that makes them ashamed, and maybe try to fix it if you can!
blazingwolf
November 9th, 2015 2:36am
Look within yourself and look if you are really to be ashamed of. If not, explain to him/her what you think, because he/she must accept who you are too. If you did something wrong, apologize and work on yourself to not do that again. Dont forget that nobody is perfect, neither him/her. Just settle this in a cool way and give yourselves time. Good luck :)
gracefulBeauty85
November 11th, 2015 12:36am
Well if my boyfriend or girlfriend is ashamed of me then he or she does not deserve me, therefore I would definitely leave him or her.
ashleypayne
November 11th, 2015 5:14am
If somebody loves you, they should not be ashamed of you. They should be greatdul to have you around. If they're ashamed just say "Hey well I'm not!"
FriendforLife
November 11th, 2015 6:19am
if he/she is ashamed of you,that person doesn't like you.simple.leave it as past and find new goals,new friends.probably someday you'll find new love
CassidyS1
November 11th, 2015 8:38am
Tell yourself that you are amazing. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Then talk to them about being ashamed of you. If they continue to be ashamed of you then end the relationship because you do not need the negativity.
joyfulCandy52
November 11th, 2015 11:52am
I would talk to them about it. Ask them what is that they are ashamed of. If it seems like something you cannot change or are not willing to change, you may be better off ending the relationship. A partner wouldn't be ashamed of someone that they truly loved, in my opinion.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 3:58pm
I would consider thinking if that is the best relationship for you because if someone cares for you they should not be ashamed of you in any way.
lovelyLove58
November 11th, 2015 4:02pm
Obviously if you feel someone is ashamed of you, then they don't deserve you. You deserve live and respect and to know your worth.
Mike615
November 11th, 2015 5:23pm
If you feel that someone is ashamed of you, I believe the first thing you should do is tell them how you feel, and then talk with your partner to determine what act, or activity are causing your partner to feel ashamed.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 6:03pm
You need to break up with them because you deserve to be with someone who is proud to be with you.
enjoyyourself
November 11th, 2015 6:49pm
You should never let someone who is ashamed of you make you dislike yourself. Love yourself first and foremost. Communication is key, talk to him or her and discuss the reasoning behind the shame. Only then will you know which way to go. Xoxo -Hailey
Leslienessa
November 11th, 2015 8:20pm
You should talk to him/her about it, since noone should be ashamed of the other one in a relationship.