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My boyfriend or girlfriend is embarrassed of me. What should I do?

257 Answers
Last Updated: 01/01/2021 at 12:12pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Deane Rain Marie, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I take a holistic approach in working with eating disorders, mood disorders, relationships, and the LGBTQ community. I use EMDR, Dreamwork, Stories, CBT and Cinema therapy.

Top Rated Answers
Getthroughittogether
January 31st, 2019 9:18am
Seriously believe me, You dont even need to think about that guy anymore because love is not concerned about your outer looks. Love means to know the inner beauty of someone and respect that from your heart. I know it will be difficult and painful for you as you're having feelings for him but really he is not worth it. If he cares about your looks then he doesn't even know what beauty is. Dont even think once before leaving him. He is not the one.. The guy made for you will love you as you are. He will be not concerned about how you look or what you wear. And that guy will be waiting for you somewhere out there just to give you all his love. So, simply my answer is LEAVE HIM !!! He doesn't deserve you !!
comfortableMoment03
February 6th, 2019 6:22pm
I will discuss with him to find out what embarrasses him when I am around and improve those areas in my life. If I really need to improve on things that I can improve then I will work to improve it. If something is not in my control to improve then I will tell my boyfriend that if he wants to leave me then he can do so or accept me as I am. It is his choice. I won't force anything on him. If he loves me then he will accept me as I am. But I would always appreciate if he shares his genuine thoughts about me instead of breaking the relation or keep getting embarrassed.
Mary0000
February 15th, 2019 11:01pm
If someone is embarrassed to be with you, the most important part is to think about why that is. Are they a naturally shy and self conscious person? Do you like to draw attention to yourself? Does their embarrassment stem from having the spotlight on them or does it stem from their belief that your actions reflect negatively on themselves? There's a difference between, "It's embarrassing when you shout loudly in the middle of a crowd to draw attention to us" and "I don't like the way you dress, you look like a slob and it's embarrassing". If it's the former, there's a good chance that the embarrassment has nothing to do with you personally. Your partner may just not be as outgoing as you are, and that can be okay. If your partner is embarrassed because they think that your actions reflect negatively on them, than that's a different story. When you date someone, it should be because you like and accept them as the person they are. You should never be compelled to change things that you like about yourself because someone else may not like those parts of you. Everyone deserves someone who accepts them for the person that they are. If your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you feel bad about yourself, maybe it's best to move on.
Anonymous
March 15th, 2019 12:03am
Me personally, I would confront them to make sure my actions of thinking that they were embarrassed of me was right. After finding out the truth from there own month; I would try and fix what they were embarrassed of, after they have actually told me by their own mouth that they were embarrassed of me. If I still couldn’t get an answer from them; then I would wait patiently for them to come and be honest with me, because all things will eventually come to the light through actions whether they honestly tell you up-front or not. At the end of the day, people should develop and friendship; with someone first to get to know that person enough, so that they could know if that person would be the person for them or not.
professionalcallie23
March 23rd, 2019 1:33am
The terms of a healthy relationship are you feel comfortable with yourself & them, you aren't afraid to say or do the wrong thing. If you feel that the person you're trusting with your heart is embarrassed of you then try talking to them about it, or try going to a couples therapist to discuss why your partner is feeling that way, or why your perception is that they are embarrassed of you. Everybody deserves to feel peace, & you shouldn't sit upset when sometimes there are simple solutions to things! If things cannot be fixed with conversation, then a couples therapist can give a professional opinion!
Iukayotl
April 17th, 2019 11:21pm
The first thing you should do is reinforce your self-esteem, value yourself more. The best thing you can do is get away from a person who does not know how to value what you have, because if you are ashamed it is because you do not really love you and you are just vulnerable to hurting your heart. You should stay away, for your sake. Do not be sad that this has happened to many of us, and you can always find someone who is proud of how wonderful you are, but the most important thing is that you learn to love yourself, you can work on that to attract positive people to your lifetime.
GoldenHeart1111
May 3rd, 2019 11:11pm
I would say start with yourself first; ask yourself why they are embarrassed and if this is a valuable reason or not to be. If you love yourself the way you are, the one who loves you should love you just the way you are without feeling embarrassed. After that, address this issue with the significant other; sit down and talk it out together. Tell them how their reaction makes you feel and what are they thoughts about it. Communication is key. It’s a way to figure out where you both are standing on and maybe work on some misunderstandings.
hearingsoul
May 25th, 2019 8:39pm
You should be with someone who's proud of who you are and the way you look and act and behave. you are worthy of better things and better people, please always remember that. We are all here for you for anything you need, and one thing you must remember is that you are strong and beautiful and smart and you deserve much more than you will ever receive, so don't stress over people who don't see how marvelous and amazing you are because you are and never deny it. if he or she can't see it and is ashamed when they should be ashamed of themselves for wasting their time being awful and rude
SerialThinker
June 9th, 2019 6:49pm
First of all, you can talk to them to see where this embarrassment comes from. If they are embarrassed about something minor like a casual habit you have, you can decide if you want to and able to change it. But if you can't change the situation or the embarrassment comes from something deeper like your life style in general or your way of thinking, then thats part of your identity and you two have disagreements about things that can not be changed. In this case, you are just dealing with a situation that can lower your self respect, so its best if you try not to fuel it by changing who you are, in other words, stand your ground
AmayaFey
June 13th, 2019 8:03am
Talk to them about it and why they may feel this way. Your partner could feel shy if you draw attention in a public setting for example which is a reason they may feel embarrassed or so. If you ask them what’s wrong or why they feel embarrassed this can help clear up any misunderstandings your partner or you may have on each other. By doing this it can help you have a better understanding and feel a closer connection to your partner as talking about problems one or both of you may have is important from time to time.
YourFriendInACup
June 14th, 2019 7:10pm
Talk about why is he/she embarrassed of you - communication is key! After learning his/her part of the story, try to give it a cold hard look and understand his/her point of view and see what you two can do to find middle ground and alleviate the problem. However, make sure you do not submit yourself into obedience when reasoning of your partner might be flawed - just as you, he/she is also a human and might need a change of perspective. As you discuss more, you'll find out that you'll be creating trust in one another and making it easier to discuss your trouble in the future.
Riderangel
November 16th, 2019 1:39pm
That's a really tough question and a tough situation.. The answer depends on why he or she is feeling embarrassed of you.. If its because of the way you look or your way of speaking/walking etc, he or she isn't respecting and loving you for what you are... Which is a sign that you should look for a different person who will admire you and your personality. If he or she is embarrassed because of an incident or some particular thing you did, you both should sit and talk it out as to what happened and why it happened.
Alissa01
November 22nd, 2019 2:04am
Your partner should love and appreciate every part of you. They should be proud to be your significant other no matter what and see just how amazing you are. Sometimes we have to remind them why they fell in love with us in the first place so that our flaws seem little compared to our better qualities only then do they realize just how much they are attracted to us. Don't be discouraged you are human, you make mistakes. It's what you learn from them that matters. If you remind them why they are attracted to you by showing off the things they love most about you and they still don't see your worth to be proud that they're in a relationship with you, it's time to find the person who will. They're definitely out there.
ListenerJo
November 28th, 2019 12:28am
Talk to her and get to know the reasons why. Someone that loves you should never feel that way about you. Love is about acceptance and caring for each other! Someone that isn't proud of you and having you as a partner, probably will end up driving down your self esteem. Think about it. Don't settle down for a situation that does not make you feel as comfortable as you should. Love yourself and let others love you, not define you as someone embarrassing. Try to communicate with your partner to know what is going through her/his mind so you can also be able to decide what are you going to do. Keep in mind you are a lovely and valuable person, don't let anyone else tell you the opposite
Anonymous
December 1st, 2019 8:12pm
I think you should talk to them. It sounds like this could be a problematic relationship. both parties in a relationship should feel happy with their partner. However, both of you should have an honest discussion about how they are making you feel, since trust is a very important part in a relationship. If your relationship isn't based on trust, then I don't think it is a very healthy relationship. And if this is starting to affect your self esteem, then I suggest doing some self care activities. your needs are important, and your partner should bring you up, not down.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2019 2:36am
If your significant other is embarrassed of you, there's a good chance that they're not that great of a person. I don't want to tell you what to do, but if they are embarrassed of you or to be around you, they're not worth it. You're worth more than that. You don't need to stay around people who don't appreciate or care about you. If you do want to stay around them, sit down and have an honest talk. Ask them why they feel this way, and figure out whether or not it's a genuine issue. If it's an issue with your relationship, chances are it can be solved. If it's not an actual issue and they're just embarrassed for no reason, they're not worth it. Don't stay around people who don't deserve you. You're better than that.
Butterfly63
January 15th, 2020 2:02am
to solve the problem easily, first, you have to know the reason why she is embarrassed so that you can fix the problem without any argument. we all know that some women are very emotional when it comes to any situation, that's why we need to talk to them carefully and make them understand the whole situation. Then, if they don't want to listen of they don't want to cooperate, then let her cool down first then talk to her once she wants to listen. because when we are angry or embarrassed we also need time to cool down to think clearly
RubyDragonTea
February 23rd, 2020 12:49pm
I can give two directions you could work on from my personal experience. The first is talking about it. Communication is the most basic and important skill of any relationship, especially romantic ones. Questions you might want to discuss are: Why is your partner embarrassed of you? Is it things you say or do? Is it something on their side, not dependent on you? The second thing is that being in a serious relationship is a learning process. I was in a relationship with someone who never wanted me to meet her friends because she was embarrassed of me. After discussing it, I learned (slowly) to behave in ways that she did not find as embarrassing. The conclusion of that relationship was that there were bigger problems preventing us for being a couple. However, the communication and social skills I learned have been helpful in other relationships and in life.
Shan6789
March 29th, 2020 9:33pm
What is it that your boyfriend/girlfriend is embarrassed about? Have you tried to talk to him/her to ask what it is about you that embarrasses them? If you are both able to discuss the issues it might help you to figure out how to work on the issues together. Once you are able to determine the issues and ways to work on them it will be important to work together on them and encourage each other through the process. Have you tried to talk about this before? If yes, how did that conversation go? Where you able to figure anything out or is this the first time you have tried to discuss this. I am sure this is hard for you.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2020 11:11pm
Talk to them about it, maybe theres some sort of missunderstanding and if thats really the case then maybe thats a toxic relationship to be in and you should try and find someone who is not embarressed of you because that could be really upsetting for you in the long run. How do you feel about this? It's obviously really hard to understand but us here at 7 cups are here for you whenever you need to speak. reaching out for help is the best first step and i'm so proud of you. feel free to message me at any point to try to understand this situation futher Holly x
Anonymous
April 30th, 2020 4:02am
I someone in your life doesn't appreciate you, then they're not worth being in your life. Never change for anyone because you are amazing just by being yourself. Maybe sometimes there are negative things that your SO doesn't really like about you like your, temper for example. Something like that is Ok to control it but not to change that about you, because that's what makes you, you. I would recommend to tell your SO that if they don't accept you for who you are then they shouldn't be in your life. If your SO really loves and cares for you then they'll try to be less embarrassed of you.
EternalBubbles7
May 8th, 2020 2:34am
Find out the reason why he/she is embarrassed of you. If it is because of your looks or the way you act, then it looks like he does not love you wholeheartedly. A person who truly loves someone will love them unconditionally despite their imperfections or little weird quirks. Plus, these imperfections and weird quirks are usually what attracts one person to another because it makes them unique from others. If he is embarrassed of you due to these reasons, I'm not sure if he truly loves you. This is where you decide for yourself how you'd like to move forward from this.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2020 1:48am
Having open communication is important! Have a conversation and help each other understand how you both feel about it. Whenever me or my partner have problems, we talk it out and tell each other how we feel, and that helps us reach a solution to the problem that we're both happy with. I suggest trying to understand why your partner is embarrassed of you, and working together to see what to do about it, and whether you need to change, they do, or if it is a combination of both. Make sure to keep an open mind! Good luck with it! :)
michaeladef44833
June 10th, 2020 5:14am
I would first ask myself "Why do I think this? What evidence is there that my partner is embarrassed by me" to challenge my own self-criticism. If I still feel strongly that my partner is "embarrassed" of me, I would move on to communicating these feelings with my partner openly and honestly, focusing on why I think this and how it's made me feel. If your partner admits that they're embarrassed of you, you have to decide whether staying with them is worth it or even acceptable. For instance, if your partner points out that you had said something inappropriate or insensitive to them or a friend that hurt their feelings, then being aware of that is important and something to be talked through and worked on. However, if your partner is fixating on rather shallow aspects, like your physical appearance or laugh, then they might just not be the person for you. Everyone deserves to be openly accepted for who they are-- perceived flaws and all-- and a good partner will be receptive to that.
scotty4947
June 12th, 2020 5:23pm
If I were in that situation, I would sit them down and have a really in depth conversation about our relationship. I would say the situation, say how it really made me feel, and ask if they really felt embarrassed of me. Of course, this would all be done without interruptions, but not a lengthy 10 page essay. To the point and brief. Listen to what the person has to say- maybe it's a misunderstanding or they didn't mean to make you feel that way. Or it could be the opposite; they really are embarrassed of you. Depending on the response, then I would know how to pursue the relationship. If the relationship continued after the talk and the same thing happens over and over again, I would definitely reconsider being pursuant of that relationship.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2020 5:19am
Ask then why. It is better to confront the situation at hand. If they still continue to feel embarrassed, maybe they are not for you. I understand this is distressing but you have to have their clear explanation. It is likely something that will be easily resolved, however if someone is embarrassed of you that would make me quite anxious and unwanted. I can totally see why you would be upset over something like this. I hope your issue is resolved soon. Don't give up hope, there is always plenty more fish out there ready to be caught and they won't be embarrassed.
ComfortingEagle
June 25th, 2020 6:20pm
It is extremely hard with someone, especially somebody so close to us to feel embarrassed of us. The speck of self-doubt and criticism may manifest itself into a huge ocean of everything you think is wrong with you, in your head. Self-esteem may be crushed, along with a sense of deflation in spirit. There is obviously the feeling of hurt or maybe even anger towards the significant other. However, at the end of the day, I feel that despite of it being incredibly hard, we must lend empathy towards our partner and try to understand their perspective. Employing empathy and lending an ear doesn't necessarily mean you validate their way of treating you; it's simply that shows that you are willing to gain clarity as to why they feel what they feel. Therefore, communication is key. The other person, if is open to having an actual, honest conversation, hidden reasons may weed out, which may not even be about you, that's causing them to feel that way about you, for e.g. - it could be their esteem issues or insecurities they are projecting. Further, if there is a difference in mindset or philosophy in life, then it's better to part ways. As each and everyone deserves to be with someone who they can grow with. Having a relationship with the constant feeling of insecurity and embarrassment is anyway doomed to failure, one way or the other.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2020 10:09pm
You deserve to be in a relationship where your boyfriend or girlfriend are there for you and should not be embarrassed of you. You are an amazing person. You can talk to them about it and if that doesn't help you can break up with them. You don't deserve someone to treat you that way. There are plenty of fish in the sea and there will be someone who will give you everything and make you feel amazing. You just have to be patient. I hope this helps and you can also talk to your friends or family about this situation.
Elot
July 8th, 2020 5:40pm
There are a few aspects of this to explore that would help you make a decision on how to proceed. 1) How do they communicate this to you? Do they talk to you in private or do they publicly acknowledge their embarrassment? Do you feel respected or disrespected by the way they communicate this to you or others? 2) Has your partner given a reason as to why they are embarrassed? Do you feel their reaction of embarrassment is legitimate or something you would want to change about yourself? 3) What is your partner's perspective? Are they concerned about a behavior or choice you are making? Are they embarrassed and seeking to help you better yourself or are they seeking to actively undermine you for being different from their ideal expectation for a partner? At the end of the day, our partner is ideally someone with whom we share mutual trust and respect. If you feel that trust and respect are a strong foundation for the relationship, then a discussion about what is happening could be to both your benefit. If you feel that trust and respect are not being applied in this scenario, then you may want to consider what you value in a relationship and whether you and this specific partner can share or work toward that at this time.
Ran3707
July 16th, 2020 5:57pm
The question is framed in imperfect syntax, but if the boyfriend or girlfriend is really a friend, this should not be too much of a problem. Certainly, we should present a friendly face to the world and should act in a rational manner. In addition, we should be caring when appropriate. It is not our mission however, to please others but rather to live our own live on our own terms. If society is going to force you to live according to their standards, then modifications will have to be made. The world is not an easy place.