My father is always angry - what should I do?
Last Updated: 07/08/2019 at 3:22am
Jui Shankar, Ph.D
My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.
Top Rated Answers
First, figure out what things your father gets mad at most of the time. Then, try to steer clear of those pathways. Sometimes, you may find yourself walking towards those roads, but most of the time, be aware of what you say and do around him for some time. If you want to be more connected with your father, try asking him directly.
Try talking to him, maybe its some stress his bottling up. I have the same situation as you have. Its easy said than done.. im still making progress into getting closer with him.
It’s not easy living with angry people. Every other day, my family members can be heard shouting at or arguing with one another in our living room. My boyfriend, who is currently staying with me, got a taste of the angry environment I have been immersed in when my mom and brother erupted in anger at me over the protein-powder issue. I was in my room with him then when it unfolded; my mom violently knocked on my bedroom door and demanded that I get out right away to clarify on the issue while my brother shouted at me irately upon seeing me, his face filled with absolute rage. While I did not ask my boyfriend how he felt, he was definitely taken aback by how volatile and abrasive my family can be.
I think you are asking the wrong question here. I think you need some distance and healing before you can safely interact with this man, even if he means well. Others will pop in to recommend books and other resources. I'm simply alerting you to the fact that there are red flags in your question that you are discounting. Your poor dad. He's been this way a long time, and unless he has expressed a desire to change, he'll likely always be as he is. You need to take care of yourself and get some healing and perspective before you can safely interact with your father (repeated for emphasis. see? I'm a broken record on issues like this!) Reframe your thinking on this first, then dealing with him will become much much easier.
Sit him down. Buy him his favorite food and talk to him. Ask him if something has been disturbing him because nobody is simply angry for no reason. Be it any financial crises,an issue with your mom whatsoever it is he could be reacting to it be being angry. Tell him you love him so much and you're not liking hows he's gotten this short tempered. He will take time to open up maybe he wouldn't on the 1st day itself, but eventually he will.
If he is abusive in that way, you cannot change the way he is. You will need to learn to accept this.
When your father is angry if he is violent he might have difficulty in controlling his anger. He may need extra support. There are many psychologists on 7cups who would be happy to assist him. The best thing you can do to help your dad is to ask him when he is in a calm mood what makes him angry. Don't try to please him but try to not do things that angers him.
Try to talk to him how you feel let him know that you cant deal with him been angry let him tell you whats wrng or find his friend to talk to him
Give him some personal space to calm down for a while, and then try to talk to him in a calm,respectful, civilized manner when he is no longer angry, to see if you may slowly figure out why he gets angry.
Maybe you can talk to him about it or talk to your mom. So you can talk to him that he makes a therapy.
The best thing you can do is stay calm yourself. You never know what is going on with your father, maybe he is stressed with work or relationships. Perhaps you can invite him out for lunch and talk to him and get to know him again. You can be surprised what you can learn about someone when you give some kind gestures, Just remember no matter what happens stay calm. Sometimes people express their anger differently. Try to be understanding.
Dealing with anger is somewhat a delicate issue, especially if it is someone close that you see everyday. I guess calming him down and avoiding to cause him further irritation is important
I would defiantly talk to him about it and ask him why he feels that way. Maybe there is sometbing going on that you could resolve! There's no harm in asking!
You should speak to him about how you feel and give ideas on how to make the problem better. You should acknowledge that if he is willing for change it won't be an overnight process as well. If he is unwilling to change if you know someone who is close to him that can help you should confide in them.
1. try to avoid arguing 2. show care for him 3. always respond quickly when he calls you. 4. try to express your love more often.
That must be hard to deal with. Maybe, sit him down and have a chat with him about his behaviour? If you feel you can't do that maybe ask someone else that he will listen to, to talk to him?
Have you tried asking him why he is angry? How often does he get angry? What is he usually angry about?
I've just learned to realize what really makes my father even angrier and avoid it. The medications that he is on make him constantly angry, and no matter how upset/frustrated I may be over someone/something (not to mention the fact that I'm naturally very sarcastic which can lead to arguments) I've just made sure to try to avoid situations that cause arguments, and I make sure that when things start to get rough, even if I know that I'm right or I'm upset that he's angry with me for seemingly no reason, I just remember that fighting fire with fire doesn't help anyone in the end. I back down and I'll apologize if I have to. I know it may not seem fair, but basically all I'm trying to say is that if you know what makes him even angrier, the best thing that you can do is to avoid it.
Put yourself in his shoes and try to figure out what he is angry about. If it gets too bad, try being calm and collected when you confront him.
when my father is angry, i would try to stay calm and understand why he is mad. if it is my fault or is he having a bad day, then keep a small distance then when he cool off i would show try and jokingly approach him and talk to him. to ease up his anger i would even clean the house and cook for him, to which will make his anger lessen.......some father get a bad day easily when he would see the house a mess.
If it's possible to talk to him civilly about his emotions, then do so. A one-on-one conversation is almost always the best way to figure out what's going on in someone's head and help work toward a solution, although it may be a bit uncomfortable at first. It's very possible that something is causing your father a great deal of stress, which then results in him becoming angry. If you talk it out with him, this can help him release some of his frustration. If this isn't a possibility, then you should address the topic with a person you trust, such as an adult family member, teacher, religious leader, etc. They can help you deal with the conflict and possibly help you seek help for your father. Finally (and most importantly), fi your father's anger is putting you or anyone you know in danger, it's very important to contact the authorities.
Try to understand him. Every response is caused by a reason, and men are lack of showing various emotions, many things come out as anger. What seems and reacts as anger might be a fear for disappointment, fear of being failure.
Do whatever he likes it whichever makes him happy. Definitely he will not show anger while you are making him smile by doing his favorite things.
Try to find a safe place for whenever you need to get away from him. Speak with someone you trust and everyone on 7 cups will always be here to listen if you need to talk ;)
Talk to your mom or grandparents about it... your father may be suffering in some way and needs help that he is not getting. I never had this problem as a child, but 3 years ago I was the angry dad... I wish my kids understood the stresses that I was under and how I was suffering, but I learned that this is not their role or responsibility. Ultimately, I needed help... I needed support as I stopped drinking, I needed hope as I was facing the loss of my job, and I needed someone to reaffirm me that I am a good man despite my past mistakes... I needed to see that joy was possible and around me as I trained myself to find it again... I needed prayers and hope...
Family problems are a hard topic and most of the time they have a complex backstory, but on any type of relationship I think the most important thing is communication, meaby on this situation talking with your father to know what's going on could be a good thing, it is always good to try and understand what people are going through in order to find a solution as meaby there is something that makes him feel that way, so getting back to my point, I think communication is everything, and by talking, listening to him for a few minutes to know what's going could be the starting point to change that.
Try to understand that he may be under a lot of pressure, tell him how you really feel and ask him if anything is bothering him. Trust me a little bit of communication can go a long way.
You could address the problem to another adult that you know. Your friend's parents, your mother, your older brother that has already moved out and started his own life, your school counselor, your actual counselor, your therapist, your psyciatrist, your doctor, your grandparents, your principal, your teacher that you trust, and if it gets really extreme you can call 911. It all depends on how he acts when he becomes angry. Letting an adult know might either have you taken away to a better place or have him go into some program or something like that, that will teach him skills to handle his anger and look at the world differently.
Talk to your motherAnd ask her to talk to your dad... So that Your Dad.. Will Realize that Your Already worried about him
There are two possibilities: either you are giving him the reason to be angry all the time or he is unfair to you and you do not deserve being treated like this. If you do, then change your behavior if not then tell him to change his. Talk to him. Like a son/daughter and father would do it.
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