My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?

This is a very difficult situation to be in as you feel a sense of responsibility towards both your mother and father. Keep in mind that this is your fathers wrong doing. You must ensure your own personal needs are being met and this is unfair putting you in this situation. Speak to him and explain that he has put you into a difficult situation and you want him to tell your mum or else you will. Secrets always come out in the end and it is better to say now than to lose a relationship with your mum whenever she finds out that you knew. Also if your worried about your father getting depressed, perhaps he isnt happy at the minute and that is why he is having an affair

This is most certainly a difficult situation to have found yourself in. Please know that although your father chose to make a decision that affects many people, he more than likely did not choose to make it with the intention of hurting anyone. Infidelity is a complex situation that has so many intricate components in it, and the reasons for each person who engages in it are as unique as the person themselves. It's completely understandable that you would not want to talk to your father for some time now that you have found out about this situation. Please know that if you do continue your relationship with him, it does not mean that you are condoning his behavior. It's more about being able to forgive his mistake, loving him for the person that he is to you, and understanding that even though he is your father, he is a human being first, and therefore is incapable of escaping the ability to make problems for himself, and others. Your loyalty to your mother will never be questioned if you choose to continue speaking with your father. However, if he does become depressed by your choosing to cut ties with him, then it is up to him to understand that his inappropriate behavior couldn't exactly lead to positive reactions from his family members, including you. This does not mean that he should be "punished" for the sake of hurting his feelings. What it does mean, though, is that no one has to minimize the effects of the damage that has been caused by his decision. If you're hurt, you're hurt. If you don't want to talk to him for a short while, or a longer while, that is okay. Whatever it is that you choose to do, so long as you are willing to do it from a place of love for yourself, you will be able to feel comfortable with the decision that you make.

My advice to you would be for you to do what you believe is morally right. Perhaps ask him to end his affair he's having and discuss with him how it makes you feel about him, your father must love you a lot and if its hurting you and causing you grief he will respectfully come to a choice, you should know that he may choose to stay with your mother or end the relationship and start a formal official one with his new partner. Be prepared that it may not go the way you want it too, but as long as your father makes a choice to stop holding the family at a stand still then thats morally the right thing to do.

Hi, I’m really sorry you are having to go through this tough situation, is not an easy one. As a daughter you don’t want to be disloyal to your parents and that is basically what this scenario presents you with. Have you thought about having a conversation with your dad and just letting him know you are aware as to what is going on which doesn’t mean you will emotionally cut him off but that you would really appreciate if he was honest and upfront with your mom. Hold space for both of them and just be there to support them individually in which ever way you can. As for you take care of you and do not compromise who you are soon enough all will fall into place.

Well it's not easy I will tell you that. I have also had similar events take place with my parents, due to separation because of extramarital affairs. My situation happened very early on as a child so I didn't get to worry about my father's feelings at the time I was not given a choice unfortunately. But I could see how this could way on your shoulder's. First of all your father put his self in that situation, and usually there are consequences to those actions. But please know that you are not responsible for the outcome. You are entitled to have worry or concern at your Dad's actions because you have fear of loosing your family, and who wants to know that dad is cheating on mom right. Dad may become depressed it can effect all parties. But you don't have to end your relationship with him. The family may need counseling to help the family with separation. And hopefully your Father can see the hurt he's caused and try to build gaining the trust of his loved ones. Sometimes families move on and you will get through it, its just how people move on. Try to support both parents your mother for her devastation of your father's affair, and your father for his embarrassing act towards your family. And know that things will work out fine. I'm sure you can work it out being that he loves you dearly. My Father loves me it just didn't work out as planned with my parents. So I learned to forgive in hopes to build and have better future relationships for myself. And I know you will do the same. Good luck on the way!!!!!

Express your displeasure and stand up for your mom. But don’t break your loving relationship with your father. Both are your parents after all. And each relationship can be given it’s due and treated separately. He loves you and that is a very special thing for you and you shouldn’t lose out on his love because of his affair. At the same time, you should offer support to your mother and be there for her. Mothers wouldn’t want their children to lose the love, affection and company of their fathers, so she wouldn’t ask that of you. Give them both their dues.

Keep in mind that your relationship with your father is separate from his relationship to others. The extramarital affair he is having does not reflect negatively on you, and he will have to own the consequences of his actions. You didn't cause it, cannot control it, and cannot change it. There is no way to "punish" him for his actions. Each individual must come to terms with the impact he is having on each relationship he has. You must take care of yourself -- whether that means taking time away from him or maintaining your relationship with him. Do what is right for you.

Yeah. I think it's hard to solve. But, you just end up this now. Don't be afraid about what happened next.. because your step for want to end up is good, I think. Yeah, It's okay you feel afraid for what happened to him. Because he so meaningful to your life. But let's think it clearly. If your mom know it, what Will she feel? What Will she think about both of you who hurt her heart. The end of something is beginning for others. I think both of you must learning the truth because It's can't be forever. In the end, it Will be hurting you, your father, your mother. But you need to decide. You not alone. I Will hear you :)

I know you care about both of your parents but severing your relationship with one of them because of this is choosing sides. Getting involved is not the best decision. This affair is between your parents, you did not cause it nor should you try to fix it. They must work through this on their own as this is their problem. The best you can do is be there to support each of them unbiased. It will be difficult but you must be strong. You will feel a sense of betrayal, distrust, disappointment, sadness and even anger but do not allow these feelings to affect how you deal with this situation. At the end of it all they are both your parents and they both love and care for you despite whatever issues they are having among themselves.

What do you want the end result to be? Youre dad is having an affair, if you spoke to him about it, would you want him to end it? Does he know you know? But no matter what, try to talk to him about it, voice why you want to end your relationship with him (also you need to take care of yourself in this, so cutting yourself off isnt bad) and if you need to, do. My parents went through a bad divorce and I refused to talk to my mother for several years. Now we talk almost everyday and have an even stronger relationship.

That's a tough one. You are clearly angry with your father and those feelings are valid. One thing to bear in mind though is that we are not responsible for another person and how they feel or react. If you worry about your father being depressed you are taking on a responsibility for him that isn't yours to take on. Your father is an adult and he is responsible for himself. I can see that you want to try and protect your mum from being hurt even more, but all you can do is be there for her if she wants to talk to you about things. I know it's a difficult thing to do especially when the affair is still going on but forgiveness is a big thing, and that will help you to let go of this burden that you are carrying. You can't change your father or his behaviour but you can control yourself and how you react to any situation. You are in a difficult place but try and take of you and let the other stuff over which you have no control work itself out.

I don't think there's a right or wrong here, just what feels best to you. You could also maybe take a "pause" from your relationship while you figure things out if you don't feel ready to decide anything permanent right now. I know you care about your dad and his feelings but you should know that your feelings matter too, and you need to take care of yourself first. It doesn't mean you are being selfish and once again, nothing is permanent and there is no "right" or "wrong". I wish you luck in dealing with this tough situation in your family.

I am not sure whether you are a teen or adult. Regardless of whether you are a teen or an adult, you aren't responsible for your father's emotions and feelings. If you are an adult, you can break out with him and you needn't to have any regrets because of it. It is your life, your father is responsible for himself and for his feelings. If you are a teen, you can consider trying to set boundary to what do you need as his child from him and this part of relationship between you and your father can't be broken till you are 18. But regardless of it you can distance self from your father's deeds which have nothing with your upbringing.

What you know about your father is that he loves you, as you said. You may not know in what circumstances this affair started, so your best bet is a ) not to judge and b ) continue to love him. Your role is not to take sides (even just to show support for your mother) and hold your comments to either parent. Extramarital affairs are not that rare, unfortunately. However, I am sure you must be struggling with this issue and 7 cups is the perfect venue to talk your heart out with a listener and sort your feelings that way.

This is a difficult situation. On one hand, it is very evident that you care about your father's feelings, but on the other hand, he seems to be perpetuating an unhealthy cycle which appears to be negatively impacting both you and your mother. It seems like one of the prominent issues here is a lack of healthy boundary setting. First, your father, having crossed a boundary to have an extramarital affair (if your parents are monogamous and this was not something that was negotiated and consented to) is demonstrating a lack of healthy boundaries towards his marriage. Secondly, it is clear he has also breached a boundary of trust with you. Thirdly, while it is understandable that you would care about his potential feelings of depression if you end the relationship with him, this also shows that you may be having difficulty drawing a line between "his stuff" and "your stuff", otherwise stated, difficulty with boundaries. It is not your responsibility to get involved or pick up after your parents. When they make mistakes, it is not your responsibility to pretend like everything is fine, if you feel (as you evidently do) that it is not fine. But it is also not your responsibility to assert your opinions if it is between them. If you are still grappling with whether to end the relationship, consider that if you do not end your relationship with your father, it should be on your terms, it should be because you feel it is what you want to do. It should not be because you feel guilt for his emotional processes. He made the decision to have an affair, and the results of that should be his to deal with, not yours.

Hi so nice to meet you! I understand that this situation is sticky and I cannot offer you advice but I can be an ear to your problems. This way the problem is less heavy on your chest. I would tell you to focus on how it’s affecting you and how it’s making you feel as an individual. I am going to be here active and will deliver you a prompt response if you feel comfortable enough to share this in more detail to a listener and we will offer you a shoulder to lean you. Hope i could help :)

Situations like this can be difficult to navigate, and I'm sorry you are caught in one. I think you should first make sure he knows how you feel. It's clear that you still care about him, at least a little, given you are still worried for him. Thus, maybe open a conversation with him about it, and how he feels and how you feel. If you decide that the way he feels does not align with the type of father you want to have in your life, you are free and allowed to make that decision. It also does not have to be forever. People do change, and maybe he will be one of those people.

Adult relationships can be complex. A cheating parent can be a nightmare, but in a situation like this, it's important to see your parents as individuals themselves. They can make their own decisions and bear their own consequences. You're not responsible for the decisions they make. Apart from being your mother's husband, he's also YOUR father. You have the right to pick without feeling guilty. If you believe that he loves you, you can choose to have a relationship with him. And if you choose to support your mother, nobody can blame you. What do YOU want? The decision is only yours. Your choice matters, and nobody gets to dictate what you should choose.

Thank you for reaching out! It’s really natural to feel conflicted, yet want the best for both your parents. I can imagine how overwhelmed and lost you must be feeling from everything that's been going on. When parents have extramarital affairs it can be very traumatizing and upsetting for the child. Dealing with a situation like this is very difficult and you've shown a lot of courage speaking about this. You've also shown how much you care for both of your parents and that's very admirable given the situation you're in. Would you like to reflect on how you came about knowing the truth of your fathers infidelity? Was it a confession from his part or did someone in your family find out? What would you feel comfortable in doing to help you make yourself and your situation feel better? What existing support do you feel you already have? FamilyLine is an example of a support organisation concerning family matters. You are welcome to communicate with anyone of our amazing listeners or therapists on our site for further support. The Relationship support room is open for group based communication every Thursday 24/7 to reach out to those going through issues related to family, friends or loved ones.

I can understand the strong and conflicting feelings you are experiencing after the revelation from your father. From my experience, it's important not to make any huge decisions while you are grieving, if you have the option. You seem to care a lot for your father and are concerned about his well-being, despite his actions, and that shows a lot of strength and selflessness. I think it's important that you give yourself the space you need. It's possible that your father may feel depressed for a wide range of reasons during this time (including the consequences of his own actions), and you can't take responsibility for any of that. If I was in your shoes, I would take this time to get the care I would need for myself. Whether it's time to grieve the loss of your parent's marriage or the breach in trust, counseling, healthy distractions like hobbies, or spending time with others. Then, when you're ready, revisit the idea of whether you truly want to end your relationship with your father.

Hi, It's tough knowing about parents extra marital affairs. Whether it's father's or mother's it's too sensitive for children to handle. I would say it's not best to take a stand unless your relationship is not impacted. The parents are grown up and know what they want or don't want. You are not fully matured to judge their requirements mental or physical. So keep away from interfering on those things . Love is beyond marriage these days , you can't accept my idea unless you see it on reality. So love them as you do always, don't anger or show difference in your interest.

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life that would cause you to worry or battle with your emotions and the next steps in moving forward. It sounds like you’re angry with your dad for his affair but also don’t want to hurt him. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling and I’m here to listen. What do you think would be helpful to you right now? Know you’re not alone and there are many people here to listen and support you. How do you think your parents would respond to having a sit down together to talk about it?

My mom and dad has a lot of problems when I was 13. I spent a lot of time angry with my dad. He went on a trip (on Mother's Day Weekend) with his friends and 'lost' his wedding ring. My mother was devastated. I told my dad that I would never speak to him again if he made my mom cry. It was the answer of a child who hated seeing her mom cry. As an adult, I see my parents' relationship as outside of my relationship with them. My dad and I did not speak for 5 years and it killed me. I think that you can validly tell him how angry you are, that you do not understand what he was thinking, that you're struggling to forgive him, and anything else but I do think that your relationship with him is outside of his relationship with your mom. Do you want them to involve themselves in your relationships without invitation?

Every relationship has its boundaries and limits. I am so sorry that you are going through an awful lot, but your father has a completely different relationship with your mother. It has nothing to do with how he treats you. I know you might be very angry at him for doing this to your mother, but you do not know the bond they share. You know them as a loving mother and a caring father. You have never seen them as partners - the problems they face, the moments they share, the bond they have, and more. So, you can still vent out to him and talk to him that you are angry at him for doing this to your mother and demand an answer for his actions (that's your right!) But as a son/daughter, you know him as a very good person, a very caring and loving father - so I would say to not break that bond. Cherish it, because you only have one for each - a mother and a father. I am sure he will still love to connect to you!

Parents are apart of who we are. They are still your parents regardless of how you feel. There are always two to three sides to a story. Try to be there for your mom and dad. Talk with both your mom and dad and make sure you tell them that you are not taking sides because it will devastate both. You could only be there for them. You never know what happens. You weren't there when it happened. I try to make sense of both sides. Try to be there and listen to both. I don't like to be in the middle but everyone always put me in the middle. All we could do is be the best listener out there.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. While it's nice that you're concerned about your father's feelings, they are not your responsibility: you have a responsibility to your own feelings and boundaries. Not every decision needs to be black and white: it is possible to cut off contact for a while and then change your mind, or decide to try continuing the relationship and then changing your mind. There is no right or wrong answer: pay attention to your feelings and your comfort zones, and respect yourself for feeling them. I wish you all healing in this difficult situation.

I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes. To feel torn between two of the most important people in your life. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It's natural to feel angry. It's natural to feel love and concern. And both for the same person! It's okay to feel all of the mix of emotions that are coming up for you. As much as their conflict impacts you, it is theirs to manage. You get to continue loving both of them, even if his behavior is hurting your mother. You don't need to choose sides. And I don't believe you should choose sides. Let them deal with their relationship. That is their mess and their work. Make it clear that you want to continue your relationship with both of them. That even though you don't like, and don't approve of, what is happening, you still love them both. Also, you will need to see to your own needs. I hope you have a supportive network of friends and/or professionals who can give you support during all of this. Because you deserve to get the care and support you need, even if they are not in a position to give that.

It is not uncommon to feel confusion as to how you are going to approach this difficult situation. I noticed that you care a lot about the well-being of your Dad based on how you are going to handle this. You are also protective over your Mom and are thinking about her in all of this. If you're feel divided in your thoughts at the moment, just know that it is expected that you would feel this way. I hope you can find it within to make sense of things at the moment, go easy on yourself. Hugs to you.

It is understandable to feelings towards your father having an extramarital affair. Holding grudges can cause more damage to one's own person and possibly the situation as a whole. Have you tried talking with your father about how you truly feel about his affair? Open communication during situations like this is important to practice in order to find a place of peace and acceptance. It is good that you are acknowledging your own feelings as well as thinking about your father's feelings as well. I commend you for being compassionate for not only others but yourself.

I can totally understand. In fact, I've been in the same situation. Family relationships are ALWAYS the hardest but I think you can still talk to him even if you do not completely forgive him and condone his actions. At the end of the day, you have your own relationship with your father, he may not be the best husband but if you think you might need him as a parental figure, it's totally okay to keep in touch (if you feel safe and want to do so). Just talking about it with someone helps a lot too! I'm open if you need a listener and support!