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My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?

186 Answers
Last Updated: 01/01/2022 at 8:32pm
My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?
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Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
March 5th, 2017 2:02pm
It is your father's choice who he wants to be with and your mom's choice to decide if she will forgive him. This is between them. It was their choice and you should try to understand and not hate them for mistakes they make.
March 29th, 2017 4:14pm
Hi, I've been through the same thing with my dad. However, I knew they didn't have a good relationship. I was upset that he did it but I still wanted a relationship with my dad. Just follow your gut, personally I didn't want to lose my dad. Do what you think is right
March 31st, 2017 8:14pm
That is a very difficult situation. I am sorry you are going through that, I can understand how you would want to have nothing to do with him because he hurt your mom. This, in turn, hurt you. Maybe you should tell him how you feel and how this impacted you. Give some time and see what happens. If your dad cares for you he will come around. You also need time to heal. Counseling may be helpful to you to work out these issues.
April 5th, 2017 8:18pm
I can understand how you're mad that your father cheated on your mom. I understand that it hurts and you most likely don't trust him. It's totally up to you to what you think is healthy for you. But do understand later down the road he might try to patch things up and it's best to keep that possibility in the back of your mind. Just because you don't trust him with those things doesn't mean you have to like disown him and all, he is your father. So, you can be distant with him and all but you don't want to be too rude but he'll sense the vibe about you not trusting him and all.
April 8th, 2017 3:26pm
Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and how what he has done has made you want to end your relationship yet you still feel love for him because you don't want him to be overwhelmed with the drepsession that comes after you end you relationship with him.
April 23rd, 2017 10:14pm
I understand that would be a very tough situation to face as you fell like your loyalties will be divided. Since you know your father best you could decide if you would like to confront him on the matter and tell him how you feel about his affair. That could be a good start to just talk t out in a calm and non hostile manner and see what he says.
June 1st, 2017 4:14pm
As I have gone through the same, I think I can answer this. We all have a personal life, opinions framing it, likes and dislikes etc. And so does your dad. His role in your life is that of a father, which he seems to be doing well. As a husband, he might not be happy or maybe your mum's relationship with him isn't so fruitful as it seems. Let it be, you can confront him about it or discuss it. But do see his perspective as well :)
June 22nd, 2017 7:27pm
I would confront your father and ask him why he would cheat on your mother and that you do not find that an acceptable behavior and that you want him to end the extramarital affair and if he choses not to end the affair then you will have to not be a part of his life. If he then becomes depressed, then advise him to seek medical help.
July 7th, 2017 6:03am
Parents have personal problems just as we do. You seem to love both of your parents very much. In times of strife it is important to remember that they should not involve you in these situations. You are not obligated to not talk to him or talk to him based on your mother's feelings. Wait until you are sure of your emotions before making any serious decisions.
July 12th, 2017 11:45am
I would ask him for a time we can talk. Then I would find out from him what is going on. What does the extramarital affair means to him. Tell him how I am effected by his affair. And ask him how important is this family to him.
July 21st, 2017 6:42pm
Don't end your relationship with him, a father daughter relationship is not something to end.. Try to forgive him, look at it as something between him and your mom.. don't forget that you are the daughter of both of them, and we all do wrong. Support your mom, but don't forget he loves you too.
July 26th, 2017 8:33am
Try having a conversation with your father, try understanding his part of story. May be if he is not happy with your mom, it is good choice to take a strong decision for the happiness of all, so that it will not impact anyone's life and we can move forward in our life happily.
August 6th, 2017 2:10pm
Try have a conversation with him about it and tell him how you're feeling, that it's mad you upset that he has done that to your mom. Don't end things with him because you may regret it in the future when you miss him.
August 11th, 2017 12:40am
I think that sometimes when we see someone we love hurt by another person that we love, our first reaction is to walk away in disgust. Most often times though, people seek someone else due to a feeling of emptiness or because they have a lack of passion for their partner. Personally, I think that your relationship with your dad (assuming it is a good relationship) is and should remain separate from his choices. He made a decision that you disagree with, and that is very understandable, but he loves you and has not abandoned you. It is ok to feel hurt, disappointed and even angry but in the long run, your parents relationship is theirs and your relationship with them as an individual is yours. You can't control another person's emotions but you can be there for them and continue loving them in spite of their imperfections. Don't cut your dad out of your life as you would be doing yourself and him a disservice.
August 11th, 2017 7:09am
Maybe you should try to talk with your father first, letting him know that you are aware of the affair will help you deal with your conflicting emotions toward your father. Hating him does not mean does not mean you have to cut ties with him.
August 11th, 2017 7:15am
It would be best to talk to your mom about it and let them sort it out, if you feel the need to end the relationship you and your dad have, it's your choice.
August 11th, 2017 6:43pm
There are two sides to every story and although this doesn't sound like a nice thing to hear or be situated in, its always worth hearing people out and try to be understanding rather than closing yourself away from it.
October 14th, 2017 5:55pm
Talk to your dad, and tell him to confess to your mother that he is cheating or else you'll do it yourself. Your mother does deserve to know but better it come from him. If you feel very hurt about him hurting/cheating on your mother, ultimately it is your decision if you want to remain in contact/relationship with your dad. Don't worry about him getting depressed as you need to focus on your mental health and feelings about the situation first. He's in the wrong here and there are consequences...
October 18th, 2017 9:28am
For situations like these, effective communication is the only thing that works. Go have a chat with him and make your displeasure or anger at him known. Tell him that his actions are troubling you and see how it works out.
November 8th, 2017 3:49pm
Compassion is simple but it is rarely easy. Communication is similar. I would recommend you sit down with your father and have a calm and compassionate discussion about the situation. Explain how you feel it is effecting you, how you feel it will/is effecting your mother and how seeing that is effecting you. Discussing this with him, may help you understand his reasons behind his choices and may reveal what options there are for everyone to move forward and support each other. I imagine the part of you that wants to end the relationship with him is the part of you that is hurt by his actions, there will also be the part of you that loves him immensely and this will be the part that will be patient and listen and look for solutions.
November 15th, 2017 7:32am
My answer here depends on your age, as it's more appropriate for an older person (adult age). If your father loves you so much, could you not try to talk to him about what he's doing? At the very minimum, it may give him an outlet to talk about why he's doing this, which would in turn at least allow you to see things from his perspective. Further to that, it might give you a chance to talk some sense into him, or to at least steer him towards a less duplicitous way of living his life.
November 16th, 2017 5:16pm
People in toxic relationships need help from friends, family, and professionals to commit to leaving. Changing is a process not a decision. People often return to a toxic relationship, just because it is familiar and comfortable. Keep in mind that you may need to seek help multiple times or for an extensive period of time, and that is okay
November 16th, 2017 9:36pm
Please realize that you are NOT part of the relationship between your father and your mother. I understand how it must hurt you to see your parents hurt... But you must love them both no matter what, yes? Take a look within yourself, breathe, and think about how you want your life to be. Do you want to hold onto resentment? What about letting sadness overcome your happy times with your father since you know he loves you? And you must know that your mother will always love you, as well. Just be silent, reflect, and your answer should come clear to you.
November 17th, 2017 3:40am
This sounds like a very difficult situation to be in, and it sounds like your loyalties are being torn. The choice is ultimately up to you, but I'd recommend thinking about the pros and cons, and then figuring out what you think would be right.
November 30th, 2017 6:50pm
Be open and honest with your father tell him how you feel about the situation and that you care about him and still loves him . Your father love you and he'll appreciate your honesty and way of handling the situation
December 14th, 2017 3:00pm
What do you think will positively accomplished by that decision? If you need to protect yourself from hurt, that makes sense. If you mean to punish him, that rarely works out well. Maybe a respectful sit down with dad discussing your disapproval of this behavior might be helpful?
December 14th, 2017 7:14pm
Even though you may feel hurt that your father is cheating on your mother, it does not mean he cares for you any less than he ever has! it makes sense you want to be upset and have some space from him. Its normal to feel that way, especially when your feeling hurt that your family unit is being broken. Working together as a family is the best next step to move forward so that everyone is healthy and happy. Honest and open communication is always needed so everyone knows how the other person feels! I hope this helps some!
December 29th, 2017 12:23pm
It’s understandable how you feel, when your father cheates your mother you may feel like he cheates you too (like she cheated his father role). And maybe you feel like “he upset my mother and I can’t deal eith that” but this is situation between your mother and your father. This is not about you, i know it it’s family issue some parts but you can talk to him about that parts and solve them if you don’t want to lose him. But if he is being mean to you all the time and you already want to end your relationship with your father it shouldn’t be your reason you should talk to him and say you don’t want him to be in your life and you may tell the reasons you have. If you feel too stressed or you can’t take it anymore please feel free to share with me. I’m open minded and supportive text me anytime.
January 7th, 2018 2:09am
Yes that is something to be angry about. I think if you cut ties you might be sad too, when the anger dies down. I suggest, if possible, let him know how you feel and that it's not fair to be married to someone and spend time outside rather spending time on your marriage to make it better. Every marriage requires work but once it's worked out, it can be a strong and rewarding relationship.
January 7th, 2018 10:55pm
If this is hurting you, you should tell your father. If he loves you, he would end this affair he is having, or he would tell your mother and deal with it then. You do not have to end the relationship with your father, you need to talk to him. Communication is very important, especially amongst people you care about and people who care about you. Hope this helps.