My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?
Last Updated: 01/01/2022 at 8:32pm
Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
Top Rated Answers
It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life that would cause you to worry or battle with your emotions and the next steps in moving forward. It sounds like you’re angry with your dad for his affair but also don’t want to hurt him. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling and I’m here to listen. What do you think would be helpful to you right now? Know you’re not alone and there are many people here to listen and support you. How do you think your parents would respond to having a sit down together to talk about it?
I don't think there's a right or wrong here, just what feels best to you. You could also maybe take a "pause" from your relationship while you figure things out if you don't feel ready to decide anything permanent right now. I know you care about your dad and his feelings but you should know that your feelings matter too, and you need to take care of yourself first. It doesn't mean you are being selfish and once again, nothing is permanent and there is no "right" or "wrong". I wish you luck in dealing with this tough situation in your family.
It is understandable to feelings towards your father having an extramarital affair. Holding grudges can cause more damage to one's own person and possibly the situation as a whole. Have you tried talking with your father about how you truly feel about his affair? Open communication during situations like this is important to practice in order to find a place of peace and acceptance. It is good that you are acknowledging your own feelings as well as thinking about your father's feelings as well. I commend you for being compassionate for not only others but yourself.
I can totally understand. In fact, I've been in the same situation. Family relationships are ALWAYS the hardest but I think you can still talk to him even if you do not completely forgive him and condone his actions. At the end of the day, you have your own relationship with your father, he may not be the best husband but if you think you might need him as a parental figure, it's totally okay to keep in touch (if you feel safe and want to do so). Just talking about it with someone helps a lot too! I'm open if you need a listener and support!
It is not uncommon to feel confusion as to how you are going to approach this difficult situation. I noticed that you care a lot about the well-being of your Dad based on how you are going to handle this. You are also protective over your Mom and are thinking about her in all of this. If you're feel divided in your thoughts at the moment, just know that it is expected that you would feel this way. I hope you can find it within to make sense of things at the moment, go easy on yourself. Hugs to you.
Sorry you are going through this, sometimes it is hard to remember our parents are humans as well and do make mistakes. Have you tried to talk to your father and tell him how you are feeling? If you end the relationship with your father, will it fix anything? Or will it make you hurt more? Maybe if you just have an open, calm conversation with each of them seperately, and you can explain exactly how you are feeling, then you can weigh your options and make an informed decision. I hope whatever you decide, that it works out for you, and you can always come back here and chat with someone if ever you want to. Good luck!
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