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My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?

191 Answers
Last Updated: 05/20/2022 at 2:34am
My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?
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Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
animalPond255
June 12th, 2021 5:43pm
I don't think there's a right or wrong here, just what feels best to you. You could also maybe take a "pause" from your relationship while you figure things out if you don't feel ready to decide anything permanent right now. I know you care about your dad and his feelings but you should know that your feelings matter too, and you need to take care of yourself first. It doesn't mean you are being selfish and once again, nothing is permanent and there is no "right" or "wrong". I wish you luck in dealing with this tough situation in your family.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2021 6:14am
It is understandable to feelings towards your father having an extramarital affair. Holding grudges can cause more damage to one's own person and possibly the situation as a whole. Have you tried talking with your father about how you truly feel about his affair? Open communication during situations like this is important to practice in order to find a place of peace and acceptance. It is good that you are acknowledging your own feelings as well as thinking about your father's feelings as well. I commend you for being compassionate for not only others but yourself.
hiitseve
July 3rd, 2021 3:17pm
I can totally understand. In fact, I've been in the same situation. Family relationships are ALWAYS the hardest but I think you can still talk to him even if you do not completely forgive him and condone his actions. At the end of the day, you have your own relationship with your father, he may not be the best husband but if you think you might need him as a parental figure, it's totally okay to keep in touch (if you feel safe and want to do so). Just talking about it with someone helps a lot too! I'm open if you need a listener and support!
beautifulRiver6178
November 26th, 2021 7:37pm
It is not uncommon to feel confusion as to how you are going to approach this difficult situation. I noticed that you care a lot about the well-being of your Dad based on how you are going to handle this. You are also protective over your Mom and are thinking about her in all of this. If you're feel divided in your thoughts at the moment, just know that it is expected that you would feel this way. I hope you can find it within to make sense of things at the moment, go easy on yourself. Hugs to you.
glasseyedgrace
January 1st, 2022 8:32pm
Sorry you are going through this, sometimes it is hard to remember our parents are humans as well and do make mistakes. Have you tried to talk to your father and tell him how you are feeling? If you end the relationship with your father, will it fix anything? Or will it make you hurt more? Maybe if you just have an open, calm conversation with each of them seperately, and you can explain exactly how you are feeling, then you can weigh your options and make an informed decision. I hope whatever you decide, that it works out for you, and you can always come back here and chat with someone if ever you want to. Good luck!
AlexandraSaved
January 19th, 2022 10:17pm
My mom and dad has a lot of problems when I was 13. I spent a lot of time angry with my dad. He went on a trip (on Mother's Day Weekend) with his friends and 'lost' his wedding ring. My mother was devastated. I told my dad that I would never speak to him again if he made my mom cry. It was the answer of a child who hated seeing her mom cry. As an adult, I see my parents' relationship as outside of my relationship with them. My dad and I did not speak for 5 years and it killed me. I think that you can validly tell him how angry you are, that you do not understand what he was thinking, that you're struggling to forgive him, and anything else but I do think that your relationship with him is outside of his relationship with your mom. Do you want them to involve themselves in your relationships without invitation?
AdventurousSpirit123
January 22nd, 2022 9:43am
I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes. To feel torn between two of the most important people in your life. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It's natural to feel angry. It's natural to feel love and concern. And both for the same person! It's okay to feel all of the mix of emotions that are coming up for you. As much as their conflict impacts you, it is theirs to manage. You get to continue loving both of them, even if his behavior is hurting your mother. You don't need to choose sides. And I don't believe you should choose sides. Let them deal with their relationship. That is their mess and their work. Make it clear that you want to continue your relationship with both of them. That even though you don't like, and don't approve of, what is happening, you still love them both. Also, you will need to see to your own needs. I hope you have a supportive network of friends and/or professionals who can give you support during all of this. Because you deserve to get the care and support you need, even if they are not in a position to give that.
MusicalBug
January 28th, 2022 12:33am
I'm sorry that you're going through this. While it's nice that you're concerned about your father's feelings, they are not your responsibility: you have a responsibility to your own feelings and boundaries. Not every decision needs to be black and white: it is possible to cut off contact for a while and then change your mind, or decide to try continuing the relationship and then changing your mind. There is no right or wrong answer: pay attention to your feelings and your comfort zones, and respect yourself for feeling them. I wish you all healing in this difficult situation.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2022 11:57pm
Parents are apart of who we are. They are still your parents regardless of how you feel. There are always two to three sides to a story. Try to be there for your mom and dad. Talk with both your mom and dad and make sure you tell them that you are not taking sides because it will devastate both. You could only be there for them. You never know what happens. You weren't there when it happened. I try to make sense of both sides. Try to be there and listen to both. I don't like to be in the middle but everyone always put me in the middle. All we could do is be the best listener out there.
EchoEce17
April 17th, 2022 8:08am
Every relationship has its boundaries and limits. I am so sorry that you are going through an awful lot, but your father has a completely different relationship with your mother. It has nothing to do with how he treats you. I know you might be very angry at him for doing this to your mother, but you do not know the bond they share. You know them as a loving mother and a caring father. You have never seen them as partners - the problems they face, the moments they share, the bond they have, and more. So, you can still vent out to him and talk to him that you are angry at him for doing this to your mother and demand an answer for his actions (that's your right!) But as a son/daughter, you know him as a very good person, a very caring and loving father - so I would say to not break that bond. Cherish it, because you only have one for each - a mother and a father. I am sure he will still love to connect to you!
Anonymous
May 20th, 2022 2:34am
I understand that this situation must be difficult for you to be in. Personally I know what it is like to be forced to pick sides between parents, and it is not easy to be in that position. You may also find it beneficial to talk to a therapist if you need advice. I believe that if you tried to communicate your feelings about this situation with your father, it may provide you with the opportunity to find clarity in your decision. It may also help you to take some time to process the situation to determine what emotions you are feeling towards the situation.