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My mom says she wants the best for me but all she does is control me and yell. We have talked before but nothing ever changes and I hate coming home because of this. Can anyone help me please?

3 Answers
Last Updated: 03/30/2020 at 3:52am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
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Top Rated Answers
KaptainKurt1
April 23rd, 2018 2:04am
Unfortunately, I experience the same thing with my father. One thing you must make clear: you too are a human being, and what you think matters. When you find yourself in a disagreement, ask for them to try and see your side while simultaneously stepping back and viewing both. I'll admit: many times my parents were right. But, since they are human too, they don't always make the right decisions. So, ask them to try and see it through your eyes as well as their own.
HanSolo99
February 26th, 2019 3:44pm
Mother is someone and the only one in the world who wants good for you always. One should always put his/her ego and frustrations aside when it comes on parents, because no matter how adult you become you gonna be less experienced than your parents. Sometimes things doesn't seem to go as it should but one should always face the problems instead of running away. Some yelling at you by your mother isn't bad respect her neglect her but just don't reply back, all it takes is a bit of patience and politeness. After all she is someone who gave birth to you and intruced you to the world.
cloudburst
March 30th, 2020 3:52am
(I'm coming from a daughter's perspective since I don't have any children yet and I'm most probably around your age :) ) Sometimes, in our current culture that is obsessed with "liberty" and "independence", we could easily confuse "care" with "control". So, I would suggest, first we distinguish between "concern" and "control" in our mind. Second, I would suggest that we bring the realization that, in her sincere intention and to the best of her ability, your mom and you are on the same page: wanting the best for you. So, you're not enemies, but allies in life. You both love each other the most in the world. Indeed, sometimes the ways that someone cares about us can be not to our liking: too worried, too persistent, too attentive or even too inattentive to details, etc. It is good that you have talked to her before, and it is good that she has tried to listen. But, often, talking doesn't mean communicating, that's why nothing has changed. Communication always happens two ways, it takes both talking and listening for a change to happen. I would suggest, as much as you want her to understand you, strive to understand her position as well. Perhaps you feel untrusted when she asks "too many" little questions which makes you feel controlled, you can explain to her how you have considered or addressed those concerns in your own way and ask her to trust you more. She can then feel more at peace over those concerns, remind herself next time that worry pops up again in her mind, and take a further step of courage in trusting her little baby more (our moms have indeed watched us grow since we still couldn't distinguish cat poo from chocolates, so I guess it's not that easy to shake our little baby status haha!). Then, we can strive to understand her better. Having more years of life than us, it's normal that she'll worry about things that she thinks we may not know yet for our own good, and it is wise that we always listen to her insights before we filter them out. It's important that we communicate back our confirmation that we're listening to her saying, so she doesn't feel dismissed and worry even more; people usually speak in a higher tone and eventually yell when they feel more and more disconnected in hearts. We could compromise on little things, not because we're being controlled manipulative or for no reason, but we compromise out of love for each other. Our ego should take an exit whenever possible. Also, pray for that grace before we lose patience, for at least one of us to calm down and not continue the cycle of yelling and not listening to each other. Communication does take time to practice and it has an endless space for growth in every relationship. Every time communication successfully translates to connection and bond, though, the beauty of relationship and joy will be 1000 times worth it. :) Sorry if this is too long or feels like a lecture.. but I hope it helps! Sending you love and prayer!